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Discussion Starter #1
Ok i posted a similar thread a while back before the boards got wiped... but im tossing this up again because its bugging the shit out of me in the back of my mind.

Heres the scenario.

Ive been dating this girl for 5 months now, ive totally fallen for her, and she says that she loves me also.... so far things are going great. Were actually talking about getting a place together, I see her every day... everything is just great.

A few months before she met me she moved back home to live with her parents, prior to that she was living about 45 minutes from where she lives now. So she really doesnt see, or talk to many of her old friends anymore from college.. as they are all about an hour away. Anyways.

She has this one friend that she used to hang out with (he lives about an hour away), she has told me that they never really had a lot in common, they never really dated etc. BUT she has had sex with him before. In my opinion thats more of a fuck buddy than a friend... but thats just my opinion. In her own words he is a "horn dog", he has called her, or emailed her since weve been going out a few times trying to get her to go out. She also said a while back that he thinks they cant hang out without having sex... I guess he figures if hes been with her before he can/will be again. So I know hes not just trying to meet up to talk about the weather or politics.
So, yesterday I was at lunch with her and he sent her a text message on her phone, saying that he "misses her, and wanted to know if she could see him last night" Here is where Im having a problem with all of this... personally im not even a big fan of her talking to him online, or on the phone but im not going to get all posessive and tell her that she cant. However I would at least like her to tell the guy that is as far as its going to go, talking and thats it. Obviously if he keeps trying to go out with her she isnt making it clear that she cant/ wont see him. I figure if she cant, or wont say "hey I have a boyfriend, and we just cant hang out anymore" then there is a problem there.

Im just wondering how I should approach this. If she wants to talk to him fine, but thats it. I would not sleep easy at all if I knew she was going to hang out with him, even if she swore up and down that nothing would happen. Simply because I know it wouldnt be for lack of trying on his part.
Its one thing to talk to old exes, or 'friends' whatever.. before you are serious with someone, but I think at a certain point that shit has to stop, and im just not sure what I should say about it. I told her from day one (literally we had that discussion on our first date) that I wouldnt tell her who her friends could or could not be. But I think that if you really care for someone you wouldnt give them a reason to second guess your relationship.

Advice, opinions, flames, anyone?
 

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If you told her that you wouldn't tell her who her friends could or could not be, why are you wanting to now? Do you not trust HER? To hell with trusting him, you don't have to, you're not dating him.

I'd think long and hard about telling her you don't want her talking to him, etc. It's almost an ultimatum, and we all know those don't work well.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
The guy isnt looking to be her "friend" hes trying to hook up with her even though shes dating me. Do you consider that 'just' a friend? I have lots of friends and I dont try to fuck them... I think thats the difference.

When I told her that I wouldnt tell her who her friends could be that was prior to "I love you" and prior to me knowing that some guy was going to be trying to meet up with her for a booty call even though we are dating.

I have no problem with her talking to him, but I wouldnt be comfortable with her "seeing him" and I think that anyone in my shoes would feel the same way. If im wrong then please explain why.

I think what got me upset over this was that yesterday when he text messaged her it was fairly clear that he wanted some (at least thats how I saw it). And she just said that she was busy with me. The way I saw her response was that it was more of a not now answer, and not a not gonna happen answer.
 

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1. Five months is no where near long enough to know someone enough to move in with them.

2. She is playing a game and you should either put your foot down and tell her that enough is enough with this guy, or PLAY THE GAME THAT SHE IS PLAYING.
Meaning have one of your female friends start calling. Have that female act very interested in being with you. I am willing to bet money that your girl will not be happy with that.

I know that this game playing shit should not happen, but that is the way the love game is. Sometimes telling someone that what they are doing is wrong just does not cut it. You will have to bring it down to their level and even out the playing field.

Try it before you say that this is childish and bullshit. It may be both but you will get the results that you want/need.
 

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i think you need to put one foot down and the other in this guys ass. if he knows that she has a boyfriend and she has made it clear that there will be no hanky-panky going on between the two of them he needs to back the fuck off. if he doesn't have the sense to do it on his own them you should provide him with a littel clarity in the situation.

she needs to cut this cord as well. he's not a friend. he's a guy that fucked her a few times and didn't treat her too shitty afterward and she thinks makes them friends. he's not. more importantly its bringing an undesirable element into your relationship. tell her you don't mean to sound controlling but you don't like her having contact with a guy that just wants to get in her pussy.
 

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I personally have been on both sides of this coin before, the best thing you can do, is NOT BE AN ASSHOLE about it, nothing drives a woman into the arms of another man faster than being a dick about not wanting her to see/talk to someone else, I know, I have used that before, get the boyfriend pissed off by acting friendly to her, she gets mad, and comes to me for revenge sex, what you need to do, is sit down, and explain, CALMLY and rationally, that you would never give her an ultimatum about her friends, but you feel that he is only talking to her to get some ass, and it makes you a bit uncomfortable to have him hitting on her constantly, yes, you are a bit jealous, jealousy, to a certain point is just proof that you still care about, and desire her, as long as you don't go overboard, or take it personally, she should agree with you, if as you said, she even admitted that they don't have much in common, so she shouldn't have as much of a problem with telling him to get lost, or at least cool it, and don't worry about the way she blew him off with the "I am busy with my boyfriend now" I have heard that before, it is her gentle way of letting him know she is with someone, and that she would much rather spend time with you than with him.
 

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She has this one friend that she used to hang out with (he lives about an hour away), she has told me that they never really had a lot in common, they never really dated etc. BUT she has had sex with him before
Chicks (or guys) simply aren't permitted to have "friends" they've had sex with before. It just isn't allowed. Or rather, they're not permitted to interact with them without your conccent and/or presence. It just isn't cool.

So, yesterday I was at lunch with her and he sent her a text message on her phone, saying that he "misses her, and wanted to know if she could see him last night"...
Keep her out of it. Approach him and let him understand you're not a fool, you're onto his efforts, and that he will be backing off. Now.

I figure if she cant, or wont say "hey I have a boyfriend, and we just cant hang out anymore" then there is a problem there.
Bingo. Clearly communicate your interpretation of her "friendship" with him to her. Ensure she understands your position. Tell her how you'd like to see her handle this situation - why you feel the way you do, what your concerns are. If she doesn't respect you or your feelings enough to comply...knowing that her behavior and actions are causing you grief, then turn around and walk away.

She isn't worth it.
 

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Be careful man. I think that the main issue is the fact that she told you what he said about not being able to hang out without having sex. It's good that she is honest about it. You should definitely use that in your discussion of the problem. She would not want you hanging out with a girl that was like that. If she can't understand and you have a problem, then maybe she doesn't love in the same way that you love her.
 

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I say if she wants to hang out with him, ask her if it's okay if you go. Then just talk to the dude about your situation. If he's truly a friend he'll understand, if not he'll need a ass kicking to get it through his skull.
 

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malik ross said:
i think you need to put one foot down and the other in this guys ass.
Oh thats great :lol :lol. He is going to be nothing but trouble. But I wouldnt try to control her. However, if she is like my girlfriend and you say "Its okay if you go out", she will say "wwwwhhhhyyyy, dont you care about what Im doing? How can you not care if I go out." :nuts
 

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ok, first of all, what is with this "putting your foot down crap?" WTF?!! Who the HELL do you think you guys are to have to think that you can put your "foot" down any where. That's where you guys need to understand something. We are not childern, we dont need Daddy to tell us what we can or can not do. So saying that's what you'd so, makes you look like a bunch of controling pricks. :boid

ok back to your problem. there are somethings I agree with what the other guys said. I would ask her to either not talk to this person because it makes you feel uncompfortable, or at least ask her if there is any way that she either end this "supposed" freindship. If it isnt any thing more then just talking, then so be it. You need to trust her that when she says that "there isnt anything going on" there isn't. All women and men know that when a guy is around a girl he messed with, then he'll try to get it again. He may try, dosnt mean that she'll give in. Most women wont. We know the BS game of you guys trying to get us into the sack. BELIEVE ME!

The best thing for you to do is, tell her the truth. Tell her how much it bothers you that this person is still around and that you feel uneasy or threatened. I'll tell you now, she'll have a hell of alot more respect for you if you tell her exactly how it makes you feel. Don't go off on a tirade and freak about it, that'll only piss her off, just sit down and tell her. Don't accuse her of anything, since you have no proof that anything has gone on since. Just cuz she hasnt told this guy that she has a boy friend now, dosent mean that she's hiding something. Maybe like alot of us women, dont feel its nessecary to tell the whole world our business.

Just be careful, this is a sticky situation.
 

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japbike said:
ok, first of all, what is with this "putting your foot down crap?" WTF?!! Who the HELL do you think you guys are to have to think that you can put your "foot" down any where. That's where you guys need to understand something. We are not childern, we dont need Daddy to tell us what we can or can not do. So saying that's what you'd so, makes you look like a bunch of controling pricks. :boid

ok back to your problem. there are somethings I agree with what the other guys said. I would ask her to either not talk to this person because it makes you feel uncompfortable, or at least ask her if there is any way that she either end this "supposed" freindship. If it isnt any thing more then just talking, then so be it. You need to trust her that when she says that "there isnt anything going on" there isn't. All women and men know that when a guy is around a girl he messed with, then he'll try to get it again. He may try, dosnt mean that she'll give in. Most women wont. We know the BS game of you guys trying to get us into the sack. BELIEVE ME!

The best thing for you to do is, tell her the truth. Tell her how much it bothers you that this person is still around and that you feel uneasy or threatened. I'll tell you now, she'll have a hell of alot more respect for you if you tell her exactly how it makes you feel. Don't go off on a tirade and freak about it, that'll only piss her off, just sit down and tell her. Don't accuse her of anything, since you have no proof that anything has gone on since. Just cuz she hasnt told this guy that she has a boy friend now, dosent mean that she's hiding something. Maybe like alot of us women, dont feel its nessecary to tell the whole world our business.

Just be careful, this is a sticky situation.
No offense to everyone else, but this is probably the best advice you'll get.
 

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japbike said:
ok, first of all, what is with this "putting your foot down crap?" WTF?!! Who the HELL do you think you guys are to have to think that you can put your "foot" down any where.
japbike said:
We are not childern, we dont need Daddy to tell us what we can or can not do. So saying that's what you'd so, makes you look like a bunch of controling pricks. :boid
Oh, shut your cock holster and get back in the kitchen.

 

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This girl knows exactly what she is doing. She is playing a game with you. Considering her history with her buddy she should disassociate herself out of respect for you and your relationship.

You can be the nice guy and let her do her own thing or you can be the back guy and look like a control freak. Either way you lose. If she doesn't want to stop talking to this guy let her go, she isn't worth your time.
 

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TheWraith said:
Oh, shut your cock holster and get back in the kitchen.

I made ya a Turkey Pot Pie.....
 

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I think you should be able to voice your concerns to her in a reasonable fashion. If she's worth keeping around she'll listen to your concerns and talk things out with you so that you can both reach a place that you are comfortable with on the issue. If you are so concerned about bringing this up to her, then perhaps it might be a little to soon to be considering living together. On the other hand if you address your concerns to her and you guys can resolve things peacefully that just might be the proof you need to see that your relationship is strong enough to move in together. Just my $.02
 

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Stimy25 said:
Now I know you is full of shit....... :flipa

only if you knew Stimy baby, only if you knew... :D
 
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