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Combat Marshmellow
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, and South & North Dakota, those states' Tourist Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week in the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it...not just to keep up with the neighbors.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt whipped ... by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for -- bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you pay for one drink at the airport.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice!

11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive pickups, trucks and tractors because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?

14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too -- and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 70, 80, & 90 go East & West; Interstate 29, 35 & 55 go north & south. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks the fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you over for driving like an idiot ... his name is "Sir" ... no matter how old he is.

Now please, enjoy your visit. Just don't overdo your stay, we have corn to plant!
 

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"It says soda, it's right on the fucking can, Farmer."

Dice Clay--Face Down, Ass Up
 

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soda, i lived in Kansas for 6 years going back to it after im done in the military loved it. i was born in seattle all my family is in seattle and i cant stand the f*cking word "POP"
 

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they call it all "coke" in some places. Up in the north west its "POP" and everyone else calls it "soda" like it should be called
 

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Combat Marshmellow
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
in Kansas it's more like: you wanna coke - what kind...... :eek:nfloor
 

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badgixxer said:
in Kansas it's more like: you wanna coke - what kind...... :eek:nfloor

Samething in OK in some places and its An ATM not a time machine
 

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shit i dont give a shit wht u call it just hand me a damn drink
 

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SBN's bad luck charm
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I can't f*cking stand the midwest. Fatasses everywhere you turn, religious wackos that do nothing but hurt relations with other faiths, school boards that front for the Mafia, I mean, state government, stupid, ignorant motherf*ckers that STILL debate creation vs. evolution (who cares? WE'RE HERE ALREADY), extraordinarily shitty baseball teams, pigheaded dumbf*ck college football fans (ESPECIALLY the OU fans :upyours) who believe that the Big 12 is unquestionably the greatest conference in the history of mankind, and finally, whiny yuppies who moved here because the cost of living in other yuppie-centric areas of the country just got too high.

F*ck the midwest!
 

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You will be missed Shawn
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hey chauncey,
feel free to stay where you are then. some of us like it here and we aren't whiney nor fat. trust me. I'm far from a fat ass. And I could care less about the Big 12 except when it brings money into my city.

Remember the phrase if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything. You might wanna exercise that right to silence. :D
 

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Chauncey said:
I can't f*cking stand the midwest. Fatasses everywhere you turn, religious wackos that do nothing but hurt relations with other faiths, school boards that front for the Mafia, I mean, state government, stupid, ignorant motherf*ckers that STILL debate creation vs. evolution (who cares? WE'RE HERE ALREADY), extraordinarily shitty baseball teams, pigheaded dumbf*ck college football fans (ESPECIALLY the OU fans :upyours) who believe that the Big 12 is unquestionably the greatest conference in the history of mankind, and finally, whiny yuppies who moved here because the cost of living in other yuppie-centric areas of the country just got too high.

F*ck the midwest!

Who the fuck are u?!! :upyours Last time I checked fat asses, GOD whackos, and all that other bullshit u said are everywhere. As far as baseball goes, how bout the Nationals-Mets-Phillies-The Entire NL West-Baltimore-And Seattle, They all SUCK...As I'm sure just as many Midwest teams do, but thats my point :bitchslap
 

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And by the way, the Midwest is the Fucking BACKBONE of this entire country.
 

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SBN's bad luck charm
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Travis71902 said:
Who the fuck are u?!! :upyours Last time I checked fat asses, GOD whackos, and all that other bullshit u said are everywhere. As far as baseball goes, how bout the Nationals-Mets-Phillies-The Entire NL West-Baltimore-And Seattle, They all SUCK...As I'm sure just as many Midwest teams do, but thats my point :bitchslap
Who the fuck am I? An American exercising his right to free speech, that's who.
 

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SBN's bad luck charm
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Travis71902 said:
And by the way, the Midwest is the Fucking BACKBONE of this entire country.
:rolleyes
 

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SBN's bad luck charm
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silent_R1 said:
hey chauncey,
feel free to stay where you are then. some of us like it here and we aren't whiney nor fat. trust me. I'm far from a fat ass. And I could care less about the Big 12 except when it brings money into my city.

Remember the phrase if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything. You might wanna exercise that right to silence. :D
I didn't say anything about you specifically, did I?
 

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Travis71902 said:
how bout the Nationals-Mets-Phillies-
How bout them?? there battleing for the wild card. That doesn't sound to bad to me.
 

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SBN's bad luck charm
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Travis71902 said:
Last time I checked fat asses, GOD whackos, and all that other bullshit u said are everywhere. As far as baseball goes, how bout the Nationals-Mets-Phillies-The Entire NL West-Baltimore-And Seattle, They all SUCK...As I'm sure just as many Midwest teams do, but thats my point :bitchslap
Ever notice how unbelievably concentrated these people are here in the area of Oklahoma, Kansas, Texas, Nebraska and such? That was my point. I live here in Kansas, which is easily in the top five for backwards-ass states.

On the baseball front, nice try with the Phillies, Mets, and Nats. Turns out they're all on the EASTERN seaboard. I was speaking specifically of the Royals, Brewers (although I do think their recent winning streak is pretty impressive), and the Texans are historically shitty teams.
 

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Sorry, I've been thru the mid west and hated it. All that open space is kinda scary if you've lived most your life in the NY metro area.
 
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