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Don’t get me wrong, I love motorcycling. I’m 34 and still feel my pulse race when I twist the throttle. I look at the latest imitation Power Ranger Dianese leathers and drool. I wouldn’t think it frivolous to buy carbon fiber wheels instead of making a house payment. Basically, I’m a moron for bikes. While I may be prone to spending money on things people might consider frivolous, even stupid in some cases, I am not dumb. I'm just obsessed.

Which brings me to my point; we have a serious amount of meatheads in our sport. What’s a meathead you ask? To me, a meathead is a person who values image over simple things, like breathing, sight and their epidermis.

Being a human myself, I have gained some knowledge of how the body works. The body was not meant to handle the possible outcome of a motorcycle crash. That’s why safety gear was (eventually) invented. Things like gloves, helmets, jackets and yes, even chaps, were invented because human bodies don’t win confrontations with pavement and blunt objects. Yet, every time I ride, I see the meathead in his natural environment. They come dressed in many colors and types of fashion. For instance:

Today’s most fashionable meathead foregoes the cumbersome pair of protective glasses. Feeling that they look better on the forehead rather than forming that pesky layer between the eyeball and oncoming rocks and wind. Yep, there’s always a dry eye in the house with this meathead. At least his friends will always have the memories of when he could see.

Another trendsetter is the leather jacket meathead. Now, I wear leather jackets, but the meathead will wear only jacket. No gloves, no helmet, no boots. Really, no other protective gear whatsoever. This one perplexes me. Today, on the way to work, I saw a rider on an R6 wearing a leather jacket with SHORTS and SANDALS?????

Seeing as your head, hands and legs seem pretty important, why not protect them? Simply put, fashion. Ever since BikerBoyz (yes, the film with the climactic drag race between a Hayabusa and a ZX12, on gravel), there has been an upswing in leather jacket sales. If you’re dumb enough to emulate that movie, then, you’re a meathead. If you buy a leather jacket with the sole purpose of matching the color of your bike, you’re a meathead.

In honor of these fashion pioneers, I’ve taken the liberty of predicting the next trends in meathead fashion. I predict that gloves, a thong and Dutch clogs will be the next big thing. No? Ok, how about a helmet and a tube top? A pair of Chaps and a sports bra? Boots and nipple clamps? Only time will tell if I am correct

Generally most meatheads own a helmet. Do they wear it? Nope. Instead, they ride around with it in the helmet lock. Is the helmet color matched? Sure. Is it an expensive one? Probably. Is it useful? Only to keep the right side of the tailsection from getting scraped up in a crash. Maybe they really love their bodywork that much? Maybe they think that, in the event of an impending crash, they can get up, unlock the seat, remove the helmet from the tab, put it on and strap it down, all in the time before the impact. You can pull out the (flimsy) ABATE argument, but, why buy the helmet in the first place then? Only the meathead knows what lurks inside their soon to sustain severe g-forces in an accident brain.

I have a plan though. Going back to my favorite movie, BikerBoyz (let’s face it, it was better than Torque), the premise was that these guys would race for each other’s helmets. I figure that if I could get some funding that I could race for helmets and gloves. Now, I’m a horrible drag racer and would lose to a turtle pushing a wheelbarrow, thereby giving the meatheads helmets and gloves. This would accomplish one of two things.

A). Maybe a few would start wearing them

Or

B). I could save a few more tailsections from harm.

Which kind of meathead bothers me the most? The “I’m pushing a new rider to get a literbike, because that’s how I learned” meathead. This guy generally knows how to burnout really well, yet makes right hand turns in 3 parts. Stopping? Screw that. Outrunning the cops! Hell yeah! 150 on the highway? Sure. Rider training? That’s for sissies!

Suffering from a false sense of self, or what scientists like to call, a dinky-winky, the meathead will talk a new rider into buying a Hayabusa because a 600 is just too small for a 140lb guy. There’s nothing to riding a 160hp bike around. These straight line demons, and I say that only because turns would confuse them, tear up the roads here in Chicago, as well as themselves.

Why does this upset me? It doesn’t. What it does do is cast a bad light on my sport and that upsets me. Not to mention the insurance premiums.

I have a plan on that one too. I think we should release a movie starring Ice Cube and Kid Rock called “Scoots”. We could have them drag racing Honda Elites while wearing bikinis. Although this may not solve the problem, it would be funny. As a byproduct, hopefully it would end Kid Rock’s 15 minutes.

Don’t get me started on the guys who’ve forgotten how to button their damn shirts…..
 

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Nurse Nymphette
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Awesome!! You've got talent!
 

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AnKleBiTer said:
Awesome!! You've got talent!
yes he does.I agree 1000%.Now I have been riding for about 17yrs. now and don't call myself a professional.I just enjoy riding,I don't get to ride as much as I like to.I still put a few thousand mi.a year on the tires.Do I get the nerve to crack the throttle from time to time ,YES!!But who doesn't..Thats why you bought a sportsbike right.But it can still be done in a safe enviroment,tracks,dragstrips,etc.And I don't know about you guys but I can't afford a ticket and my insurance to skyrocket.Im 32,a pretty safe driver but lets face it .The insurance co. are just waiting on us to screw up.Not to mention our health insurance.And these guys acting up is costing us too.The media just loves to put these guys in the spotlight.Running 100 miles an hour on the hwy. on 1 wheel."Without a halmet I might add" But they look cool.Only to them.The rest of us is thinking "what an idiot".Or MEATHEAD as you say.This was a fantastic thread. :headbang :dblthumb
 
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