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Discussion Starter #1
basically, i'm looking for sympathy. lol nah, i've been with this girl for 4 years... high school sweetheart. we've split sometimes, u know how it goes... but we recently broke up and i was quite upset about it cause i really loved being with her. (i've been really busy with soccer and didnt have much spare time... thats what pretty much led to it) it took a few days but i put a song together so i could call her up and just say i wanted to talk, take her to the beach and play it for her. so thats what i did today... i'll attach the lyrics so u can have an idea... anyway, she started to cry and said she didnt know what to do. so i took her home. my problem is, now that she has seen what i feel, i dont want her to forget it, but i cant keep bothering with a new song every other day... what can i do?

here are the words...

“One”

I’ve lost it all, my inner soul
Broke my fall, as I hit the floor
I’m just a fool, just a stupid fool I know
And it’s hard not to know why
So damn hard not to cry
I miss the breaths of air outside your lips

And the sun and the stars, don’t come out anymore
Cause without you, I’m just one
All alone, here I lay, surely I will decay
Cause without you, without you

I’ve lost it all, my broken heart
Broke my fall, as I hit the floor
My finger tips miss you being ticklish
And you know I didn’t mean it
My mouth moved stupid things came out of it

And the sun and the stars, don’t come out anymore
Cause without you, I’m just one
All alone, here I lay, surely I will decay
Cause without you, without you

I wish you were, mine only mine
My heart just won’t beat, since you said that it was over

And the sun and the stars, don’t come out anymore
Cause without you, I’m just one
All alone, here I lay, surely I will decay
Cause without you, without you

And the clouds and the rain, always fall
I’m to blame

thanx so much for hearing me out, u girls on here are my only option... :)
shes been great, i went to italy for a year to play soccer and we stuck it out... i guess shes just tired of it now... :(
 

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You will be missed Shawn
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ice, that is so cool and sweet. i would suggest giving her some time to think now that you've told her and shown her how you feel. if she is truly your one, give her some time and be persistant (w/o stalking...:)) maybe she is just having a hard time right now too, but doesn't know how to tell you...give her some time.
 

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The hardest thing to learn in a relatonship is that your signi. other comes first. You need to put her before soccer. If she means that much to you I think you can find a way to do it. Weigh everything out and see what is important.
 

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WOW iceman.. good God, I cant even get a guy to buy me a Mc Donalds cheeseburger, let alone write a song for me. What a lucky girl!!! I'm sorry to hear about you two brakeing up, for now, I hope thats all it'll be. I know how much it hurts. And I wish I could take the hurt away. I really do :( Give her some time to think, and give her some space. It'll be so hard not to call her, or want to see her, but it's something your gonna have to do for her. I didn't know that ppl had high school sweethearts any more. I'm so jealous!! Don't give up your love of soccer for any one, I've given up everything for some one, and now I have no spirit. Don't do it! but one thing you might need to do, is incorporate her into it some how. If she loves you, she'll want to be a part of it all, because it's a part of you.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
thankyou everyone. i'm a songwriter on the side, so i love writing. don't know if its as good as i hope but it works. problem is, (im not saying im amazing, and a prodigy) but it looks like i have a pretty promising career in soccer. i am moving back to italy to practise with an italian team and sometime next year, i am going to be evaluated by them. im moving there in a few months for a few months. its obvious she cant come and im not saying i wouldnt want to put her first and not go, but i have to... for me. i love it and im having really great opportunites. she just gets so sick of me not being there, i probably would to, but its not how i pictured this ending.

thanx guys for your help. keep talking, ur helping. :)

silent -- thankyou, thats great advice
sweet -- i know it sounds easy, but its harder then it sounds, but thankyou so much
and jap -- i really appreciate everything that you said, it really made me feel a little better. thankyou so much.

im still lost though... :(
 

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japbike said:
WOW iceman.. good God, I cant even get a guy to buy me a Mc Donalds cheeseburger, let alone write a song for me. What a lucky girl!!! I'm sorry to hear about you two brakeing up, for now, I hope thats all it'll be. I know how much it hurts. And I wish I could take the hurt away. I really do :( Give her some time to think, and give her some space. It'll be so hard not to call her, or want to see her, but it's something your gonna have to do for her. I didn't know that ppl had high school sweethearts any more. I'm so jealous!! Don't give up your love of soccer for any one, I've given up everything for some one, and now I have no spirit. Don't do it! but one thing you might need to do, is incorporate her into it some how. If she loves you, she'll want to be a part of it all, because it's a part of you.

Not to take away from the this heart felt thread. but hey japbike come on up to indy and i'll even let you supersize :), Or i'll road trip down there.
 

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-iceman- said:
thankyou everyone. i'm a songwriter on the side, so i love writing. don't know if its as good as i hope but it works. problem is, (im not saying im amazing, and a prodigy) but it looks like i have a pretty promising career in soccer. i am moving back to italy to practise with an italian team and sometime next year, i am going to be evaluated by them. im moving there in a few months for a few months. its obvious she cant come and im not saying i wouldnt want to put her first and not go, but i have to... for me. i love it and im having really great opportunites. she just gets so sick of me not being there, i probably would to, but its not how i pictured this ending.

thanx guys for your help. keep talking, ur helping. :)

silent -- thankyou, thats great advice
sweet -- i know it sounds easy, but its harder then it sounds, but thankyou so much
and jap -- i really appreciate everything that you said, it really made me feel a little better. thankyou so much.

im still lost though... :(
Only thing I can tell you is from my experience.

when i was 20 i met a girl great girl. and gave up my oppertunity to go work for a fortune 100 company in NY making 100k. at 20 thats a crap load, hell even now thats a still a crap load. I stayed here and kept on going out with her and found a job here making half that. Later on in life ended up marrying the same girl and still always thought about what life would be like if I left. I have fond memory's of NY as I visit every year there. and still have fond memorys of the girl as she's and ex-wife now. but going back I didn't follow what "I" wanted and stayed for the wrong reasons.

My best friend is in the same boat. dated a girl from norway for 6yrs and she's always brings up going back to norway or wanting to move there or what not. Thats not what he wants and its what she wants so they split still great friends and what not. not because they don't love each other or what not. but they made those choices because its what "they" want in life.

please whatever you decide to do. Do it because its what "you" want and not what you think the other wants and what not.

life never has any easy paths but there is always a opening or a window to open when the one before has been closed.

not sure if any of my rambling helped or made sense. but good luck.

Slava
 

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What a beautiful lyric iceman! I am sorry to hear of your breakup--it's never easy. Time will only tell if the two of you are meant to be together. Distance or any other obstacle will not matter IF the two of you are truly meant to be together.

But as others have said, don't give up on your personal dreams...you are young and have a wonderful chance it sounds like...please don't give that up. Sometimes opportunity knocks on our door and if we just brush it away we may wind up wondering, "what if?"....and that is no way to go through life!

I know your heart aches but give it time.....you'll see what is to be soon enough :)
 

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sweet -- i know it sounds easy, but its harder then it sounds, but thankyou so much
Trust me I know it is hard to do. I have been married for almost 5 year, and some times he still puts me second.
 

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I know that you are in a difficult situation because of your feelings for your g/f and your desire to persue your dreams of playing soccer in Europe, but try to keep in mind that you are still young and this soccer thing is not forever. You and she can survive having a long distance relationship for a short period of time. I feel that is vitally important that you not give up your dreams in order to keep her and the relationship going.

The quality of long distance relationships is more likely to be enhanced if both you and she develop the facility to share feelings candidly with each other. Another key element is a demonstrated loyalty to long distance relationships by both parties.

What type of commitment, and how serious or important it is, will vary for different people. Being so far apart in long distance relationships, can be a frightening and perilous venture for most people, you must take into consideration, your readiness to take risks, and the existence of a firm and secure confidence in your existing relationship.

This doesn't imply that each of you needs to take up skydiving to prove their point, but rather, that each will trust that each one's own social life in their place of residence, will not be a risk in any way to the relationship. This type of assurance is vital in long distance relationships, if it isn't strong, you may need to make a intentional effort to work on it, both separately and together.
Independence for both of you, and at the same time a healthy level of reliance upon each other is also a key factor. When these exist, there is a sense of equilibrium in the empowerment for each person and at the same time, each of you can be self-directed but still have your emotional desires met by the other person.

In addition, with a suitable balance of independence and dependence, each of you is allowed, even encouraged, to develop and go through transformations as an individual, which everyone requires to feel whole and complete, regardless of any commitment to a long distance relationship.

It is also important not to suppose that your g/f or yourself will forever stay precisely the same as when the long distance relationships first got underway. When these parts of the relationship are strong, the important factors tend to be naturally present.

None of these things can give the relationship any certainty if there is unambiguous expectations of the nature of the friendship on the part of each of you.

It is great if you can work out your own individual expectations of the other person and of the relationship, and then talk about them with each other so that both of you know what you want and where differences may exist in each others expectations.

I went thru and survived a long distance relationship for several years and can say I am better for having experienced it. He got to fufill his dreams and so did I.
Good luck, and keep the faith!
 

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Discussion Starter #12 (Edited)
speedmom -- that was very intense. it helped me think clearer. i do understand my being young will create experiences for me in the future. however, as of right now, i wanted her to be a part of my future.

i've been playng soccer since i was 3 years old and it is every young players dream to play professionaly, and here i am. i've never had an experience with long distance relationships which probably has a lot to do with my age but i dont mind at all. part of me believes i would be willing to have a long distance relationship with her but more of me believes it will be difficult and will affect me as a person while in italy.

im not saying, i wouldnt do this because its hard, not at all. but if she is already upset about the lack of quality time spent together i dont forsee her being able to handle me not being here with her for too long. in the 4 years we've been together i can count the number of fights on one hand. we've always been so happy... she saw something in me that no one else has seen.

it could be because i fianlly found someone i could open up to, but regardless, i need her as much as she needs me... maybe even more so. she supports my soccer 100% since day 1. but it became very serious very fast. im lost, i'd love to stay here and go to school and become a sound engineer and work with music, and be with her. but i'd also love to take a chance and follow a boyhood dream...

and to throw this in the mix, here is a pic of her and a few friends i took at a club. ... shes on the left (circled)
 

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Discussion Starter #13
well, i know u guys are probably board of me whinning in here, but i guess my decision just got that much easier as of 10 minutes ago. she apparently, didnt take too long to move on cause she met someone new. so it looks like im going to italy. just wanted to keep you all updated cause uve been a big help. i'm gonna go lay in my room and be a bum for a little while. u know how it is...

i cant believe i was actually debating staying then she pulled this.

see ya :(:(:(
 

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So sorry to hear that your g/f has ALREADY moved on ~ geeeeeez that was quick and perhaps for the better. Now you don't have to anquish over going to Italy and pursuing your dreams.
My son went to the bike races in Italy last month and he said that Italy had the most beautiful women he had eve seen. So perhaps this was a blessing in disguise. One door closes and another opens.
Good luck ~ :)
 

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I'm sorry to hear about your break up hun. I know right now it really hurts, but trust me you will make it through. And I really don't think anyone here is gonna get tired of hearing you talk about this we've all been there and know how bad it feels so if you need us we're here.
Big hugs to you
Sunshine
 

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So sorry to hear that iceman...you keep your chin up though...I know it's difficult right now...but try to focus on other things, mainly your soccer career.

Like I said before if things are meant to be with the two of you then it will happen naturally if it doesn't then that wasn't the person for you in your next stage of life.

Just know that you have a lot to offer and someone will come along who will realize that. And no you aren't boring us at all....so don't think that!! I feel for you hun, I really do...first loves....they are the hardest to get over but it can be done!! That I promise you ;)
 

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Ice.....think on the positive side here....

I can't even get a girl to have a break up with! At least ya got me there dude!
 

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Ice - Man this is going to be some valuable information. Follow your dreams about soccer, no matter if she wanted to stay I would tell you this. We have basically the same situation. I played college baseball for 4 years on a full ride, I had the oppourtunity to go pro if my coach would of sold me better. He was just in it for himself. After that I was so frustrated I quit baseball all together. Everyday, I always think about what would of happened if I made it. Now, I have been playing, getting in shape for the last year. I play semi-pro ball on the weekends. It finally happened, I signed a semi-pro contract in Pennsylvania. But my luck, the team was cancelled because of money issues and if we wanted we could of joined another team, but I decided to quit and move on. Basically, follow your dreams now why you are young, don't get sidetracked. There are a million girls out there. I wouldn't change anything that has happened, it has all been an experience. A lot of guys I went to school with made the pros so I at least get good tickets , and I have a degree. Keep at it kid, things will work out, but think about ICE first...... My .02
 

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Iceman, I am so sorry to hear what you're going through. Breakups suck. She's obviously not smart enough to see that you're a hawt, intelligent, caring guy - what more does she want?

Don't take offense, this is just humor:

 

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You will be missed Shawn
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hey Ice, I'm sorry to hear about the resolution to your problem. I had really hoped it would turn out differently on that side, but that you would get to go play soccer. like speedmom said, this could have happened for a reason, so although it hurts now, it will get better, and the sun will rise tomorrow. no matter what else, you can count on that. basically, you get another chance at life. take it. i know you are feeling lost, i've been there myself, and yes, it sucks. but, it does get easier and eventually you will find the one that you need and the one that needs you as well.

you know, if I were around, I would give you a big hug right now, b/c it sounds like you need it. I wish I were closer, I hate to see people hurting.

if you need to talk anymore, i'm sure any of us would be more than willing to listen, you are such a sweet, intelligent guy.
 
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