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at the track
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Discussion Starter #1
There was a time - I'd say pre 1999 - when I would have tolerated a girl with an errant fat roll, a mildly problematic ass, or even non-porcelain veneered teeth. And come to think of it, I might have even green lighted a B cup chest.

But with the installation of the high speed cable modem, alas, I am sad to say that those times have now passed. I now only want - and will only solicit affection from - girls with killer porn star looks and behavior.

I am ashamed and I do not like what now stimulates me, but the Internet, with all of its quick fix, crack-like vices, has made me extraordinarily intolerant.

Are you a Tufts or Harvard grad and a great conversationalist?

Not important.

Do you have a quirky sense of humor and a knack for cooking Asian Fusion cuisine?

Don't care.

Would you like to discuss the sub-text meaning of the whip sawed brush strokes of that Kandinsky painting at the MFA?

Fuck off.

Be the source of a blood rush and make me throw a rod in my pants or kindly turn into anti-matter.

I am ruined. I am dead on the inside. I am ashamed and embarrassed of what now stimulates me and I know that I am irrevocably changed for the worse. For all practical purposes, Internet porn has destroyed me.

So who am I? Not who you'd think. Not the dandruff-haired blob of shit in the cube next to you. Not the UES Michigan frat boy. Not the faux disheveled Downtown hipster with the silly retro Puma sneakers.

Sadly, I am the "normal" one that you're actually interested in. Cultured, eloquent, well dressed. I am the one you discuss with your girlfriends over Sunday brunch. I am the one you hope to bump into at Karen's pajama themed apartment party. I am the one who takes the lead, holds doors, and hails cabs.

Shit.

Do you dream of a man who will "love you just for you?"

Do believe that you have peripheral, intangible qualities that men of substance will key upon and gravitate to?

Do you shun the gym in favor of The Apprentice and a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chunkey Monkey, thinking that your black cigarette pants will sufficiently mask any belly spillage or ass expansion?

Then forget it. It's game over. You're a walking, talking non-compete clause and you're going to end up alone with a slobbering oversized Rotweiller named Chuckles.

Pull your head out of your ass and be advised - porn viewing/obsession is spreading like the plague amongst my gender - upping the already unrealistic physical expectations, pushing boundaries in the bedroom (you're down with anal, right?), and providing instant, customize-able sexual highs with the push of a button.

If you're female and you don't posess prodigal, Einsteinian caliber intelligence that would propel the cause of humanity forward, and, if you don't relish the idea of being alone, then . . .

. . . throw every last dollar you have at your physical appearance.

I'm serious. Personal trainer. Porcelain veneers. High-end boob job. Get scared and get it done.

Do not extend my gender any credit. Do not hope that a guy will be in awe of your cello playing, your VP title, or your cute apartment.

I promise you he won't care. Don't kid yourself into thinking he will. Men are programmed to respond to the visual.

Look good or you're alone.
 

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I own license2ill
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How am I supposed to respond to this? I don't know so here goes nothing. .................................................................................................. See I told you nothing.
 

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at the track
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Discussion Starter #4
malik ross said:
dudes hooked on the mexican donkey porn.
I am not the author, so unfortunately I cannot take the credit, thanks anyway tho
 

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HA! HA! :eek:nfloor dude, that is frickin hysterical!! good, and sadly true to some extent.... But still, this I have to show my male friends. The ones who turn red, put their heads down in shame, I'll know which ones hold this (said above) to be true. or the ones that shout "Yeaa baby!" :beer
 

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japbike said:
HA! HA! :eek:nfloor dude, that is frickin hysterical!! good, and sadly true to some extent.... But still, this I have to show my male friends. The ones who turn red, put their heads down in shame, I'll know which ones hold this (said above) to be true. or the ones that shout "Yeaa baby!" :beer
was japbike's post hard to understand or is it just me?
 

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Ya know.........it was a fat ugly chick that brewed the first batch of whiskey.
 

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Banned
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funniest thing I have read in a long time....
 

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TRocket said:
was japbike's post hard to understand or is it just me?
here, I'll break it down in "American talk"... I need to show that to my guy friends. I know a lot of them will admit that they are like the guy in the story.

Sorry, next time I'll speak in a lower form.. I don't want to cause any more confusion :)
 

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Ahhhh! Dude, get out of my head! Where's my foil hat?

Good thing I'm already married.
 

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Official SBN Party Pooper
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:lol That was a good laugh
 

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f2benny said:
It's Al Gore's fault.
:lao

Funny post, :bitchslap looking at all that porn with make you go blind, not to mention the hairy palms you'll get from crushing your dude all day long.

Really whoever wrote that has issues.
 

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Light it up! Light it up!
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along those lines, i'm totally surprised at how many good looking women are porn stars. all the porn i see on the internet...those are all porn stars (yes, even the MILF that those guys pick up off the street) and there must be millions of them becuase i never have seen a repeat (for example, seeing the MILF on the 'teen sluts' website the next day).

if these girls are that hard up for money, and don't like being in porno...well, here's an open invitation to come live at Mucho's house. I'll support you, you don't have to do anything except look good, and...well....let me stick it in your pooper.

:joke
 

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MAn that post actually had me thinking. I was like damn ill still take the one whose not the best if im intoxicated. Oh well it was funny. Im sitll hung over from last night and yes JApbikes post was a little hard for me to comprehend myself. I got to the part about showing her male friends and thats where i got lost at.
 

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Official E-Thug
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that was the most accurate thing I have ever read..... It seems to me that i am interested in a girl and I find out she is not like pornstar material in the bedroom... then i lose all interest... she needs to take it in the ass, swallow, LOVE to give head, want to be photographed, have big tits (although i prefer natural), and not be afraid to experiment with pretty much anything else... that seems reasonable to me.... oh yah and i ahve to be able to show her off to my friends, and she needs to be relatively intelligent, but that is secondary of course
 

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It is an unfortunate addiction that plagues many men nowadays.
 

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^^^ lol @ unfortunate :)

It helped me raise my standards and have goals for my relationships! :) :banana
 

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Whaaat?? I'm not bitter....not at all....:moon
 
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