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Discussion Starter #1
Wife was caught cheating. We've been together 17 yrs and married 15yrs. We have two kids 13 and 5 yrs old. She said she would be gone if other guy left his wife, but want's to stay together until then. We'll I don't want to leave kids. They are my life!!! What do I do?? Ride it out or dump her. I'm still fighting this within myself. I coach the kids in three different sports, cook, clean and get the kids ready for school, they are my life. I've given her anything she needed from a $10k rock to candle lite dinners and she has girls night out. I don't know how much more someone would want. Need some advice from someone w/experience.
 

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rad,
I had the same problem with my first wife; there's nothing you can do as far as trying to hold on to her. My advice, find a lawyer and protect yourself, because in the end, you will be the one to have to fight for visitation rights, child and spousal support and what's yours, ie properties.

Speaking as a noncustodial parent, I had to fight and pay legal fees just for "visitation". I still hate that word because, I am a dad, not a visitor. Also, because you are a guy, you might as well accept the fact that your wife will be awarded custody of your kids, which means, you will be ordered to pay her child support. It's not fair, but it will probably happen. Good luck to you!!!

Frank
 

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ok, My opinion.. I'd LEAVE!!!! I realize that your kids are your life, and thats GREAT. Koodos to you for loving your kids so much, but, I'm from a divorced family and the best thing my parents ever did was get divorced. Us kids could feel the tention and were misserable. Once my parents were divorced, everything was GREAT!

You also say that you have give'n all you can. Then you need to walk away knowing that YOU did your best to make her happy. Do not make it your problem that she isnt happy. She prolly isnt for her own reasons and DONT let her blame that one you!

I can't imagine what it would be like thinking that you may lose you kids, but you dont need to feel that way. You can get full custody of them, if you decide to divorce. She's the one making the decission to walk away or have an afair. She's the one who's being irresponcible. Not you! You need to be the Dad that you and have always been, no matter what your wife has done.

I NEVER like to tell ppl to divorce or take a break, but in this case, I would leave. If she wants to be with someone else, then let her. You need to be with someone that wants to be with you, because that what's you deserve.

Remember, you deserve the best... not to feel second best.
 

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You are in as good a position as anyone ever was to get custody of the kids. By the time you get done, she'll be happy with joint custody. She's gone and does not deserve the likes of you, so don't fret anymore about it.
 

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I'd leave her and fight for custody. Sounds like you're doing her job as well. What do you need her for now?
 

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Discussion Starter #6
That's the problem. In delaware if your a man your screwed. She can kill someone but that doesn't make her a bad mother. Or that's what the state says "in there legal ways!" I have a friend that got his kids in a joint custody situation and he pays her 2k a month because she is used to that type of living. Although she makes 40k on her own.
 

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rad, I was in California and they look at the same thing, is she unfit?? You have to prove that she is and that takes money in the form of lawyer fees......:mad:
 

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HOLY COW....she's admitted that she could'nt care less about you and she'd basially be GONE if the butthead he was married to would leave his wife.



Well do her a favor..CALL THE BUTTHEADS WIFE



Help her out a little.....then suck her dry

Mother of your kids or not she's not worth the bullet I'd be puttin in the back of her head had she done that to me


WOW....I have a very long fuse, but once lit you'd be better off smoking at an oil refinery......I would have already rented a tree chipper and run her ass thru it, washed it down and burned the mulch she was ground up into.....then claimed her and sir butthead musta run off
 

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Damn man, my girlfriend’s parents are divorced because the mother cheated on her dad. She lives here in the states with her dad because her mom lives in a different country, however she misses her a lot and goes to see her on any opportunity. Did you have the conversation with her about the kids? I’m sure if she has any bit of decency left or common sense she can understand that the kids are better off with you or being in your life because it is important for them to be with their real father especially the 13 year old. You have to get a divorce because staying due to the children is not an option and your feelings and negative attitude will reflect upon them no matter how hard you try to hide it. My only suggestion is get a good lawyer. I’m not a big advocate on violence and would never get into a fight with another guy if he screwed my SO since its just as much her fault as it is his, but if someone ruined my family like that… ahhh I would pursue legal means and see where that gets you. If that fails I think you know where to go from there.
 

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First off, my wife and I are the children of hardcore divorces. So it really affects the way we live our lives and the way we are raising our baby. I don't have much experience with what you are dealing with.
I do know that you are in a good position right now because of her infidelity. You need to call a lawyer. Here in NC, I don't know how common it is but I have heard of people suing the person the spouse is cheating with due to "Alienation of Affection".

http://www.ncpersonalinjurylaw.com/43gen5.htm


I would also call his wife and explain the situation. If my world is exploding, then so is everyone else's. And I would tell my wife to get the Fuck outta my house with her cheatin self. You wanna cheat, fine! But you aren't gonna be here while it's happening.
If she don't leave, me and the kids go out with her on her dates.
 

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Fuckin' sucks dude. Sorry to hear about your whore but it's times like this that makes me wish it was like over in Iraq (or wherever) where it's a mandatory stoning death for cheating.
 

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Please don't take this the wrong way... but WHY is she cheating on you? If you can find the answer to this question, especially after the length of time you two have been together, well maybe the relationship can be saved.

Are you a workaholic that's never around? No sex life with her? Again, I don't want to point the finger at you necessarily, but there has to be a reason she's cheating and you may be part of it. Or maybe not. But you can't fix your bike until you know why it isn't running right.

Personally, the sex part wouldn't bother me. The part about leaving you for the other guy is REAL troubling. For some reason, that you need to find out, she's not happy with you. Be it your fault or not.

Ever discuss marriage counselling?
 

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Kick that biaotch to the curb. Get a lawyer and take her for all she is worth. She messed up by cheating and now it is time for her to pay the price. She isn't a good model for your kids anyway
 

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My parents divorced when I was 12. All I can say is, dont try to stay married for the kids. Like Japbike already said, the oldest one will see right through it. In all honesty my fondest memories of my father didnt begin until after the divorce.. At the point he made me and my brothers his number one priority......
 

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Stimy25 said:
My parents divorced when I was 12. All I can say is, dont try to stay married for the kids. Like Japbike already said, the oldest one will see right through it. In all honesty my fondest memories of my father didnt begin until after the divorce.. At the point he made me and my brothers his number one priority......

What Stimy said. Its up to you, and I am truly sorry that you have to be going through this.
 

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Rad...sorry to hear you are dealing with this...if the marriage can be saved by any means...then at least try..that way if it doesn't..you can rest assured you did everything. If the big D is inevitible I would see if you can sue her for adultry...I am pretty sure in NC that can be done but don't know about the laws in your state.

Don't stay for the kids if that's the only reason...they actually will suffer more because of it since they can sense that the things between you and mom are not great at all. So it would be better to split where the kids can see you and her both happy but separate.

Again sorry you have to be going through this...it's going to be rough either way if you stay or if you go...but you have to be strong for you and your kids and you will make it out...
 

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I would'nt leave but I would make it real easy for her to by calling the dudes wife.Then I would fight her tooth and nail to get custady of my kids.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Thanks for everyone's advice. Still a hard situation to get of. Don't want to leave the kids and lose them forever. In our state that's what will happen. Oh well. I guess I'll have to figure something out! But thanks for all the advice from everyone.
 

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it won't happen if she was the one who had an affair
 
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