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If this doesn't make you laugh, you are truly humor impaired!

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early
retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a
bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two
points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his
head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with
a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out
with $96,000.

The third one was a noncommissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when
asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my
weenie to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he might
want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two
officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go
along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The
medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he
did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's
weenie and began to work back. Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are
your testicles?"

The old Chief calmly replied, "Vietnam."
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