Sport Bikes banner

1 - 20 of 55 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
374 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok to the point. My fiance has a friend that she used to be more than just friends with. She says the never really dated, but she always wanted him, he was the one that got away. Now she says they are just friends and nothing more.

Ive told her I dont mind her talking to him, thats fine.

A couple months ago she brought up the idea of him coming all the way from South Carolina to FL to visit, and stay at our apartment. :pisson I wasnt really thrilled with that idea for a couple of reasons. 1. ive never met the guy so Im not really sure I would want him in my place, aside from the whole aspect that they had some history together, what if the guy and I just dont get along? its just not a good situation. 2. we live in a one bedroom apt where the bathroom ajoins our bedroom. so if said dude has to pee at night hes gotta come through my room to go.... be different if I had a 2 bedroom but our apartment isnt really cut out for guests. 3. she talked to him about this before even mentioning it to me which just pissed me off.
So, I told her at first that I wasnt really ok with it, but if she really wanted him to visit maybe he could... i was thinking that he probably wouldnt anyways... so I didnt really put a lot of thought into it.

Well she said that she didnt even really care if he came to visit or not, that he was the one who wanted to come down but she didnt care.

So i figure, well if you dont care, and im not really ok with it... I just told her that I really wasnt ok with it and Id prefer if he didnt come down to visit. I mean, who would want their signifigant other having an old friends with benefits come to visit for a week while im off at work all day and shit. Forget the whole trust issue, just the simple aspect of it doesnt seem appropriate to me, should be enough reason for her to say hey jack you shouldnt come down to visit. I mean, I dont mind her going to see a movie with him, or going out to eat or some shit like that, but him coming down here and either staying at a hotel or at my place to see her.... just doesnt jive to me.

Well she hasnt talked to him in a while (a month or two) and today she calls me and says oh by the way guess who i talked to today... soon as she said it i knew who she meant... im like i dunno who, she said it was jack. She says that he is thinking of coming to visit... I thought to myself didnt I already tell you I wasnt really ok with this... So I just said "yippee" kind of sarcastically. I said you know im not really fond of the idea of him coming down to visit for a whole week. If the situation were reversed I wouldnt even ask to let some girl come visit me. She said if I wanted to I could because she trusts me. That is good.... but it doesnt really change how i feel about him visiting. She said I was being too uptight about it and I said I didnt think I was. She then goes on to say well maybe Ill just take a week off and go visit him. At this point I just got pissed and said do whatever you want. If I had a week off the last thing I would be doing is spending it away from her (in another state) , visiting some other girl while she is busy working so that we can have a life together...

How would you handle this situation, or have you ever been in a similar one. I dont wanna be the control nazi.... but this just doesnt seem kosher.
 

·
Accepting Donations
Joined
·
3,915 Posts
Make sure you watch both of Chris Rock's stand-up specials.

Make sure you get a pre-nup.

I think you can see where I'm going.

Girls don't have guy friends... Just guys they haven't fucked yet!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
325 Posts
You are right that is not kosher. But isn't this indicative of a larger problem: trust and communication between you two and your own insecurities.

Advice let the guy come down. But is your girl doing this to get your attention or add a little drama to her life?
 

·
Back in Black
Joined
·
5,538 Posts
When I was dating my most recent ex wife, I was in the same exact situation.

She fucked him (no big surprise), but I didn't find out till we seperated. Or, well, that was one of several reasons WHY we seperated actually.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
374 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Actually she has slept with him. She says thats all in the past and they are just friends now, and nothing will happen etc. etc.


The thing that gets me, is that If i wanted to have one of my female friends (there arent many) come and visit, the first thing I would do is make sure she was totally ok with it. If she was not totally ok with it I would tell said person that I couldnt have them come visit.
I dont have any type of contact with anyone that I used to have any kind of sexual relationship with... so if I were to have a female friend visit it would be someone who has always been "just a friend".

I dont think it has anything to do with insecurities. Its a matter of respect in my opinion. I respect her and her feelings and our relationship enough that I wouldnt put her in the situation where she had to "just trust me" If she wasnt ok with me hanging out with some chick.... as long as she has a halfway legitamate reason. Well that chick is gonna have to go, or at least realize shes gonna have to wait until my fiance changes her mind. Because my SO comes first... i just think thats the way it should be.
 

·
Accepting Donations
Joined
·
3,915 Posts
Tragik's situation reminds me of something... This gives her the opportunity to take the slightest fuck up ("You forgot to take out the trash which means you don't respect me! He respects me! He would ALWAYS take out the trash") to make you miserable.
 

·
Mexican Hard Shell Taco
Joined
·
5,894 Posts
So this is basically the 1001 post where you say you think she likes another guy, or that the is screwing another guy...


I'm pretty sure she will cheat on you as soon as she can, if she hasnt already.


But everyone has been telling you the same for quite a bit of time, and you are still with her, so I'm sure you won't listen this time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,217 Posts
Süsser Tod said:
So this is basically the 1001 post where you say you think she likes another guy, or that the is screwing another guy...


I'm pretty sure she will cheat on you as soon as she can, if she hasnt already.


But everyone has been telling you the same for quite a bit of time, and you are still with her, so I'm sure you won't listen this time.
+1
 

·
No limit hypocrite
Joined
·
1,695 Posts
Dude, she doesnt respect you. She is looking for a way out.. there is NO REASON to be bringing an EX out.. especially if you told her that it bothers you.. She is looking for another safety net to catch her when she leaves you.. Dont put up with it. Tell her to make a choice. It sucks, and its easy for me to say, but I've been through it.. And dumping her is a LOT easier than her dumping YOU, Plus cheating on you.
 

·
Already Sick of Winter
Joined
·
3,273 Posts
Süsser Tod said:
So this is basically the 1001 post where you say you think she likes another guy, or that the is screwing another guy...


I'm pretty sure she will cheat on you as soon as she can, if she hasnt already.


But everyone has been telling you the same for quite a bit of time, and you are still with her, so I'm sure you won't listen this time.
beat me to it.

see this>>>>> http://forums.sportbikes.net/forums/showthread.php?t=4442 <<<see that?

same damn thing. just a year later. a year later and you are still dealing with the same shit with your girl over the same guy. go read that thread over again. i'm sure the same answers apply. you just have to listen to them this time.
 

·
Accepting Donations
Joined
·
3,915 Posts
AAHAHHAHAHAHAAA!

I didn't know THIS. I think I hear a whip snapping somewhere.

Süsser Tod said:
So this is basically the 1001 post where you say you think she likes another guy, or that the is screwing another guy...

I'm pretty sure she will cheat on you as soon as she can, if she hasnt already.

But everyone has been telling you the same for quite a bit of time, and you are still with her, so I'm sure you won't listen this time.
 

·
Back in Black
Joined
·
5,538 Posts
SalKhan said:
Tragik's situation reminds me of something... This gives her the opportunity to take the slightest fuck up ("You forgot to take out the trash which means you don't respect me! He respects me! He would ALWAYS take out the trash") to make you miserable.

WTF Sal, are you psycic (sp?????) or something. THAT HAPPENED TO ME.


On the flip side of your situation, if she's wanting a way out, this guy might be it. If you don't "let" this guy be it, there will be a different guy. If she wants to cheat, she'll do it with or without your permission.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,927 Posts
Solitude,
This is an honest post back to you. DO NOT LET HIM COME!!!!!!

I had a friend that I treated as well as if not better than a brother. He was always into trouble and me and my wife treated him as part of the family. I trusted this guy with my life and he knew how I am with my wife. He always acted respectful. He would even say I love you to her in a brotherly way and I never even cared. Honestly. I felt like we were brothers.

I had him stay with us up here in NC a few times. Free rein. Let him drive my car while I was at work, hang out with my wife, walk with her and my dog at the local park. I wanted him to be happy since in Atlanta he was always fucking up and in trouble. I cared for him.

Well one day my wife gets a longggg letter from him and she reads a few pages and then tells me he is in jail and he says hi. Up til that point I never pried into anything my wife did. But something about that letter bugged me, I think it was the 5 pages of double sided writing that worried me. I thought "What in the hell can he possibly say in such a long letter, especially being in jail" So I asked to see it.
She flipped through it and handed me the last page that said "Say hi to Mike" I was like hell no, the whole fuckin letter!!!
So I read the first page and it was basically a love letter...Oh I miss your pretty face, I can't stop thinking about ya, I miss you...blah blah blah!!!
Talk about someone raging. If he would have been in that room, I would have ripped his Torso in half with my bare hands and strangled him with his innards. And he knows this.
So we had a lot of discussions and she was just basically unhappy at the time, missing Atlanta since we moved to a tiny little town and wasn't making friends. He was a good friend to her and she enjoyed that. I think he let a little flirting twist his mind or something. I trust her still and don't think anything ever happened and she swears it didn't. She wrote him back and told him he stepped over the line and never call or write back. He almost ruined our marriage. I have an overactive imagination anyway so it was hard for me not to freak out. He wrote back crying about how he is sorry and he has found religion and is a new person blah blah blah.

Here we are 7 years later with a 3 yr old girl and it's all good. Haven't heard from him since
If he shows up on my doorstep, I honestly don't know if I can contain my already burning internal rage. I put the word out in Atlanta that he better avoid me at all costs. I know a lot of people down there and they were all shocked at what happened. And he has been warned.
So the moral of the story is tell her, Fuck no!!!
 

·
Accepting Donations
Joined
·
3,915 Posts
Well 99% of the women (that leaves 30 million on the planet who aren't) are the same: Require more attention that possible. As soon as the attention levels drop, they look somewhere else.

You may disagree... but you'd be wrong.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,927 Posts
SalKhan said:
Well 99% of the women (that leaves 30 million on the planet who aren't) are the same: Require more attention that possible. As soon as the attention levels drop, they look somewhere else.

You may disagree... but you'd be wrong.
It's not more than possible Sal but it takes a lot of work.
There is a perfect ratio of attention/smothering that a woman constantly tweaks to keep you off balance...if you go +/- .00001 percent you may find yourself in trouble.
 

·
at the track
Joined
·
3,121 Posts
Hmm, I live in South Carolina, and went to Florida for three weeks. Guess what I was doing?

haha just kidding man
 

·
Accepting Donations
Joined
·
3,915 Posts
You know what you are absolutely correct... I failed to acknowledge that aspect even though I knew better.

Matter and Anti-matter baby!

kazlab67 said:
It's not more than possible Sal but it takes a lot of work.
There is a perfect ratio of attention/smothering that a woman constantly tweaks to keep you off balance...if you go +/- .00001 percent you may find yourself in trouble.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
374 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 · (Edited)
Süsser Tod said:
So this is basically the 1001 post where you say you think she likes another guy, or that the is screwing another guy...

I'm pretty sure she will cheat on you as soon as she can, if she hasnt already.

But everyone has been telling you the same for quite a bit of time, and you are still with her, so I'm sure you won't listen this time.

Its not even so much that I think she likes someone else, I know that some of the guys she has talked to since weve been together dont seem to have the best of intentions. She says they are just friends, and I dont think the guys want to be "just friends" at least a couple of them... Its that age old question... can a guy and a girl be "just friends" all guys say no... were just trying to fuck a girl not really be her friend. Girls say sure we can just be friends.
Ive never been in a serious relationship like this before, so this is all kind of new to me. I always had this idea that when you were in a real relationship with someone that meant you were committed to them 100% So if I had some chick always flirting with me who wasnt my fiance... and I know her m.o. wasnt gonna be in the best interest of my relationship, I would make sure that she had to either cut that shit out, or take a hike.
Ive known her for like 15 months now, weve been a couple for over a year now... Im very reluctant to throw all that away because she has some guy friends who flirt with her... however in the back of my mind I tell myself well if it were me Id tell them to get lost... im with someone but to each his/her own. I dunno if I can trust HIM to behave himself... but do I lose/throw away what I have if they are just friends before I even know one way or another?
 

·
Back in Black
Joined
·
5,538 Posts
Dude, if you're having problems like this now, DO NOT GET MARRIED. Atleast, not for a good long while. This whole time, I was thinking you was already married...

When I was in this situation, my ex wife was my gf. She swore they were "just friends" and that the guy respected our relationship. I called BS and we fought over it. We "worked through it" and got married anyway. When it all came out, as I said earlier, she screwed around when I thought she did (while we were dating) with this guy.

Something smells funny about her intentions. She's dead set on meeting this guy again, and apparently doesn't give a damn what you say.

You need to read this: (thas right Sal, I'm plugging your page)

http://www.thelunchjournals.com/thoughts/friends/index.html

I can personally guarentee you that the guy has no intention other than what's written in that link.
 
1 - 20 of 55 Posts
Top