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Discussion Starter #1
She and I very different. We are both very caring and fun loving but she is very emotional and I am not. I don't cry for the slightest thing and it is more important what a person does, than what they say.

For example: She cried when she found out that I had 2 porno flicks. Her reason for crying she says, is because it hurts her to think that her man is looking at other women.

Another example: She always gets upset or down in the dumps when her female friends are having problems in their relationships. It bothers her so much that it begins to put a damper on our relationship.

Now this past saturday she went out with her girlfriends for a birtday celebration and all the men dropped the ladies off. So the men decide to go out together and hang out and have a men's night out while the women are having a 'girls night out'. Sure enough they end up coming over to the club where we were and she was down. Apparently she was depressed that I was not calling her like all the other guys were. She was also upset that one of the married girls was freaking some guys out on the dance floor while her husband's sister was there. I'm sorry, but if the girls are having a night out, then I am not going to bother you while you are having fun.

another example, she threw a surprise birthday party for me a few weeks ago. I was pleasantly surprised and loved every minute of it and the efforts that she went through to get that done. At the end of the day she looks down (again) and goes in to our guest room with one of her girlfriends and starts crying. Come to find out, her mother and sister said to her that they did not like the fact that I did not pay as much attention to her as I did. I'm sorry but if you are being a host and hostess at an outdoor party then yes the birthday boy or girl HAS TO SPEND TIME WITH EVERYONE.

There are many more incidents where I feel that she is being TOO EMOTIONAL and other times things are great. I have tried to be more sensitive, but with every new situation I seem to fall short in the emotions section.

Should I try to work it out or should I just cut my losses and not try to keep our relationship going?
 

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Eh, cut your losses. Sounds like two personalites that won't get along in the long run. She sounds alittle needy and overly dependant. I'd deal with things exactly as you have, it'd make me nuts if someone reacted as she did in all those situations.
 

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I agree with Sirkbac - too needy and dependent.

You wanna end up being her "cheerleader" every time you run out of milk or need stamps or something else "major" that puts her in the dumps?

She is crying for attention - let someone else give it to her.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
CasterTroy said:
Sounds like you're not meeting her needs......you're not gonna change, so if it were me I'd probibly cut her loose for her own good

Don't get me wrong, she is a great woman. It is just this overly emotional stuff drives me crazy. In everything else we are 50/50 ALL THE WAY. If she is at the gym, then I am at home cooking so that she has a hot meal by the time she comes home.

We share ALL of the responsibilities in the house. We both do laundry, cleaning, cooking, and making love to each other is amazing. I would have married her already if it were not for the emotional stuff.

To give you a brief history, her dad is a doctor, has his own practice and is rarely ever home. Her mom stayed at home with the kids until they were in HIGH SCHOOL. She told me that she remembers the day vividly that when she came home that day and her mom was not there to greet her, SHE BEGAN TO CRY. I asked her if she was serious and she said she says that she is being very serious.

I just know that she is a great woman and I am the one that will be losing out. ..
 

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hammerdown said:
I just know that she is a great woman and I am the one that will be losing out. ..


Yep....but you're doing her a favor in the long run......she needs someone to pay her a great deal of attention.........it's not cruel to want to end it......even if she can't see it, you guys just don't seem meant for one another
 

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She is very needy and what you call co-dependent--different than dependent--meaning she bases her happiness on how others treat her. She needs to stand on her own 2 feet first and then get into a relationship. People who need to be validated all the time are usually insecure as well.

It sounds like you guys are on the opposite ends and neither of you is going to change.

She's over sensitive...to cry because your mom isn't home to greet you and you are in high school??? That's a bit over board if you ask me...

It probably would be better that you two find other people. You need a woman who is confident and hold more of her own and she needs someone who is going to be with her 24/7 only paying attention to her---and there are guys out there like that that are clingy.
 

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Unless you want to deal with a hypersensative woman, I'd cut your loses.

Alot of men think that all us women are like what you just discribed and NO WE AREN'T! One thing that I'm seeing is, that all the times it seems that she gets down, is when someone in her party, wheather it was her Mom, sister, friends, ect... are feeding her this crap. "He didn't call you like my husband did" , "he didn't pay enough attention to you at this party". It seems like the chicks around her are feeding her this bullshit and that's what makes her upset. Other wise, she may not of even thought about it.

That's what sucks about women tho. We see our friends more happy, getting more attention, we get all pissy and jealous. (I don't!!) But the majority of women DO get upset. I can tell you now, she isn't going to change. Once an over emotional woman, always an over emotional woman. It seems like you have had a pretty good relationship. 50/50, which alot of people can't nor will do. And that's great. but I can tell you, you need to leave this one alone. As hard as it may be, I'd take a step back.

Seems as if she needs someone that can deal with her emotional out bursts. And I can tell you now, it'll wear you down. And you might even end up having anamosity tword her. You will start to change your whole life for this person just to keep her happy. She maybe happy, but you'll be misserable.

I really think it's time that you start looking for someone more emotionaly stable. For your health and sanity sake.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I really do appreciate the responses from everyone, but moreso the women on this board.

What is really funny is that when one of the guys messes up and the women tell her about it, she will make comments about how lucky she is that she does not have those worries.

3 weeks ago she and a few of the girls decided to head to the beach and the boys would go for a ride. One of the girls boyfriend kept calling and asking what bathing suit would she be wearing and when she told him which one, HE TOLD HER THAT HE DID NOT LIKE THAT ONE AND THAT SHE COULD NOT WEAR IT. This same girl always made comments about her man, but this past saturday night, she was all happy because he was sending text messages about how much he loves her, BLAH BLAH BLAH. I looked at my girl and told her that she would need a better example, because in all honesty he was probably pissed that she was going out without him and needed to keep telling her that he loves her, so that she would not end up dancing with another guy. . .

She says that she is glad that she does not worry about me cheating, she does not worry about me being a jealous, controlling ass. She even calls me her "Chef homboyardee" because I will go all out when I cook lunch or dinner. I just really wish that I could be more sensitive, because she is truly special.
 

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hammerdown...I really don't think it is you from the story that you are telling...it sounds like you are doing what you can and putting forth 100% in the relationship. She needs to stop basing her life according to those around her (meaning her g/fs and their relationships. But she may not...that just may be the way she is..period.

Unfortuntely she "grades" you on knowing details of other's relationships...that's not a healthy thing to do..it's like judging your relationship according to a soap opera!! LOL

Girls get really werid about comparing their men and "my man does this and he doesn't do this" blah blah blah (probably why I don't have many female friends--that talk bores me to death and I usually wind up sticking up for the guy!!! LOL then I get the evil eye from the friend or acquaintence!!! LOL

I know you are really into her but either you learn to accept her "fault" or if you can't you have to move on....I know it's harsh but that's pretty much the bottom line..
 

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Discussion Starter #12

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hammerdown said:
Should I try to work it out or should I just cut my losses and not try to keep our relationship going?
My god, man. Run. Fast.
 

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hammerdown said:
I am willing to try anything, but I would think that even some of the suggestions on that site would drive both parties insane after a while. .
For example read this about affection. . .
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5010_qa.html
Wholly crap.

# Hug and kiss your wife and tell her you love her every morning while you're still in bed. Rub her back for a few minutes before you get up.
# Tell her that you love her while you are having breakfast together.
# Kiss her and tell her you love her before you leave for work.
# Call her during the day to ask how she is doing and that you love her.
# After work, call her before you leave to tell her when you will be home, and tell her you love her.
# Buy her flowers on the way home at least once a week, with a card that tells her you love her.
# When you arrive home from work, give her a big hug and kiss and spend a few minutes talking to her about how her day went. Don't do anything else before you have given her your undivided attention.
# Tell her that you love her as you are having dinner together.
# Help her clear off the table and wash and dry the dishes with her, giving her a hug and kiss at least once, and tell her that you love her.
# Hug and kiss her and tell her you love her in bed before you both go to sleep
This Doctor suggests your WHOLE FRIGGIN DAY be taken up pandering to the wife; before you get up, at breakfast, before you leave for work, while at work... All towards a cheating wife? I don't even think so.

Jesus.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
TheWraith said:
Wholly crap.



This Doctor suggests your WHOLE FRIGGIN DAY be taken up pandering to the wife; before you get up, at breakfast, before you leave for work, while at work... All towards a cheating wife? I don't even think so.

Jesus.
I asked a few of the married guys here if they did any of this things. I got some funny responses, one of the guys said that he only does 3 of 10 things and has been happily married for 16 years. Another guy said that he did 9 of the 10 things and his wife of 24 years cheated on him several times during their marriage. He just finalized a very DIFFICULT DIVORCE.

I guess it all depends on the type of woman that you are with!
 

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I am just out of a similar relationship. My ex was always expecting me to do more. It never ends. She was always thinking of new and exciting ways for me to please her... She was very insecure and needed me to make her feel better. That's not how it goes. You're supposed to enter a relationship when you feel good by yourself, not when you NEED someone. There can be times when you can support each other (in tough times) but if that's the case 24/7, I don't think it's worth it.

When I left her, I felt like I was abandonning her and felt very guilty, kind of like you said, I felt I would be the one missing out. But I made a decision and this time it's going to be final (we were on and off for 2 years, broke up like 7 times lol).

We had a good time together but it was time to move on. It was hard (still is at times) but it was for the best. And I'm now glad I did. I'm gonna find a sane girl or die trying...
 

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Hammer, I disagree with some... while I do agree with all that your girl def. has issues, have you or she tried to get her into counseling for it? It sounds like you really love this girl alot and are willing to try anything... imo its a step in the right direction not only for you two possibly, but for her to get her issues under control and maybe become a better person for doing it. It may work and it may not, but at least you will know you tried everything to save your relationship with her.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
xoMSdixieGirLxo said:
Hammer, I disagree with some... while I do agree with all that your girl def. has issues, have you or she tried to get her into counseling for it? It sounds like you really love this girl alot and are willing to try anything... imo its a step in the right direction not only for you two possibly, but for her to get her issues under control and maybe become a better person for doing it. It may work and it may not, but at least you will know you tried everything to save your relationship with her.

Counseling is something that we have yet to try. I will suggest it and follow through. I hope that this works. .. .
 

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xoMSdixieGirLxo said:
Hammer, I disagree with some... while I do agree with all that your girl def. has issues, have you or she tried to get her into counseling for it? It sounds like you really love this girl alot and are willing to try anything... imo its a step in the right direction not only for you two possibly, but for her to get her issues under control and maybe become a better person for doing it. It may work and it may not, but at least you will know you tried everything to save your relationship with her.

I agree with counseling, if you truly love her and want to make the relationship work out. I always find it strange how willing everyone is to give up - or tell others to give up - on what is otherwise a good relationship, without trying everything you can to work it out.
 

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ONE WORD FOR YOU HAMMER,

ZOLOFT!!!!

it might help. LOL not for you for her. LOL :dblthumb
 
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