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Discussion Starter #1
Ghetto Parrot
A woman had a parrot that she took with her

everywhere she went. She would

even take the parrot to the club with her

when she went dancing and drinking

on Saturday nights.

Whenever the woman went onto the dance floor, the parrot would yell,

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don't

need no water let the muthafukkah burn! Burn muthafukkah burn!

The crowd on the dance floor would always

cheer and holler in appreciation

when the parrot would yell. This would make

the parrot yell even more. and of

course make the crowd go wild. This would go

on all night long every time the parrot went out.

One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot

to church and into the choir stand with her. and when the choir started to sing

the parrot yelled,

The roof the roof the roof is on fire, we don't need no water let the

muthafukkah burn! burn muthafukkah,

muthafukkah burn. She embarrasingly

corrected the parrot, "No you don't say that here!!

The!!! parrot looked around and asked, Why not?

These are the same muthafukkahs

that was at the club last night!!!!!!!!!!
 

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In case you missed it..

A recent study shows that 85% of women will have smart DNA in them at some point in their lives. Sadly, 75% of them will spit it out.
 

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lol but that 85% is going down due to the amount of women that dont like to do that
 

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I even have an opinon on that! well.. the whole spit or swallow thing.. but I will keep this thread the same as it should be :p
 

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A slightly wounded American soldier in a battlefield hospital in Iraq
tells the nurse: "How I wish I could kiss the American flag if I am
going to die!"

Nurse: Extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism: "Actually, I have
the American flag tattooed on my bottom. You may kiss my Po-Po, if you
don't mind it."

Soldier: "Of course I wouldn't mind it. Thank you for fulfilling my
last wish as a patriot American." The nurse took off her panties and
the soldier kissed the flag.

Soldier: "Thank you, nurse. Would you be so kind as to turn around so
that I could kiss Bush too?"
 

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zts gixx said:
A slightly wounded American soldier in a battlefield hospital in Iraq
tells the nurse: "How I wish I could kiss the American flag if I am
going to die!"

Nurse: Extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism: "Actually, I have
the American flag tattooed on my bottom. You may kiss my Po-Po, if you
don't mind it."

Soldier: "Of course I wouldn't mind it. Thank you for fulfilling my
last wish as a patriot American." The nurse took off her panties and
the soldier kissed the flag.

Soldier: "Thank you, nurse. Would you be so kind as to turn around so
that I could kiss Bush too?"



:lol :2fingers
 

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For his birthday, Little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father
said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 &
your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a
suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you
telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because
she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an
$80,000 mortgage & no bike!" :headbang
 

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<Cyk> How is a painting of jesus better than the real jesus?
<Kraynor> beats me
<Cyk> you only need one nail to hang the picture
<Aer> your going to burn in hell
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Centipede



This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if
he had a pet.

So, he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted
to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion he finally bought a centipede, (100 leg bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box home, found a good location for the box, and
decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar for a drink.

So, he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's place with me and have a beer?"

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"

But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So, he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?"

* * * Scroll Down * * * * * *

YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS......



























* * * * * * * * *


A little voice came out of the box:



"I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my f***ing shoes."
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Five reasons not to be a penis:
>
>1. You're bald your whole life.
>
>2. You have a hole in your head.
>
>3. Your neighbors are nuts.
>
>4. The guy behind you is an asshole.
>
>and my personal favorite....
>
>5. When you get excited, you throw up and then you faint.
 

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36 Things You Will Never Hear a REDNECK Say...

1. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"

2. "Duct tape won't fix that."

3. "Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken."

4. "We don't keep firearms in this house."

5. "You can't feed that to the dog."

6. "I thought Graceland was tacky."

7. "No kids in the back of the pickup... it's not safe."

8. "Professional wrasslin's fake."

9. "Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?"

10. "We're vegetarians."

11. "Do you think my hair is too big?"

12. "I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy."

13. "Honey, these bonsai trees need watering."

14. "I don't understand the appeal of NASCAR."

15. "Give me the small bag of pork rinds."

16. "Deer heads detract from the decor."

17. "Spitting is such a nasty habit."

18. "I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today."

19. "Trim the fat off that steak."

20. "Cappuccino tastes better than espresso."

21. "The tires on that truck are too big.

22. "I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad."

23. "I've got it all on a floppy disk."

24. "Unsweetened tea tastes better."

25. "Would you like your fish poached or broiled?"

26. "My fiance is registered at Tiffany's."

27. "I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

28 "She's too old to be wearing that bikini."

29. "Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?"

30. "Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen."

31. "I don't have a favorite college football team."

32. "Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side."

33. "I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

34. "Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla."

35. "Elvis who?"

36. "Checkmate."
 

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>Are You Gay?

1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the
rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but
gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate
touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think
about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over
here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to
daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet,
or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and
undeniably gay.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking
lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in
the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight
man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will
never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had
NutraSweet your mouth, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of
dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real
man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as
well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA,
college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know
what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile
other than denim, you are most certainly gay.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
tute a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a
slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that
hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play
with his little soldier in the passenger seat.

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay,
oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman
who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by
yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual
>>combustion), which is what happens to gays when they flame out too quickly.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I guess i need to tell my husband he's gay....he has a cat, he likes suckers, ony when were out of gum, he knows his colors and he won't take a shit in a public restroom. I'll notify him of all this.
 

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8-up said:
Funny thing is ... the guy that sent me that clip is a hair stylist :)


and the million dollar question is, is he your hair stylist? :lol
 

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My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to
get
married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged
me.
My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering
me.
That one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight
miniskirts, and low cut blouses.
She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant
view of her underwear.
It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone
else.

One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be
married,
and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome,
and did not really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and could not say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead
with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them
down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front
door.

I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight
toward my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside.
With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that
you have passed our little test.
We could not ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family!"


And the moral of this story is:


Always keep your condoms in your car.
 
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