Sport Bikes banner

1 - 20 of 38 Posts

·
I TOLD YA...
Joined
·
4,670 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
after typing this i thought i would add in up here and tell ya its a lil long. enjoy at my expense


edit #2---after reading through this again i think i also need to mention, for the sake of the viewers that dont know whats really going on, that my mom just married my ex stepbrother. that would be my stepdads son. my mom divorced him about a year ago and hooked up with his son /rolleyes










ok as most of you know, my mother decided to marry my ex step-brother, hence the springer wedding. i think i would have rather gone to work and stuck 5 push pins under each one of my fingernails, gone to lunch, then come back and do the same to each one of my toenails.


the start of my glorious day was the *beep beep beep* of my alarm telling me its too feckin early and that i am going to have a long shitty day. so after i lay there crying for a few minutes i drag my ass out of bed and hop in the shower. i about busted my ass getting in the shower but caught myself. then i thought, hmmm if i do this right i wont have to go....if any of you have ever actually tried to make yourself slip and fall in the shower you will know that it doesnt work very well


so after i got out of the shower and decided what to wear, i was trying to calculate how much peace time i had to myself until i got there...you know like few minutes to finish getting ready, few minutes here, few minutes there when it hits me....i dont know where the fuck this wedding is at. you see being the good son that i am, when i got the invitation in the mail i scoffed at it and threw it somewhere being that my mother didnt even tell me she was getting married so i found out via the great U.S. Postal Service :rolleyes: so i call my bro up to find out where it is. he laughed and said it was at her house.......in fricken overbrook. this was good and bad, good because it gave me another 40 minutes or so of peace, bad because i had to fuckin drive 40 minutes thinkin to myself the whole way how much my day is going to suck


so i arrive after having to also traverse about a half mile on a gravel road. everyone knows that gravel roads piss me off. whoever come up with that idea i hope died from a rock slide. i pull in the drive and only see about 4-5 cars. for a minute i thought my brother told me wrong and i instantly was madder than a wet rooster. then i saw balloons and a couple people so calmed down a bit. i get out of the car and muster up teh best happy face i can and say hi to my mom.


while im talking to my mom i smell this smell. i didnt think too much of it as it was kinda faint. eventually it got more prominent so i turned and looked around. the dumbass redneck groom fuckin lit a bunch of brush, logs, twigs, etc to burn off. WHAT THE HOLY FUCK?!?!?! this wasnt a small pile either...why the fuck would you light that shit during your wedding? it didnt just mask over the smell of the bbq (ill get back to the bbq later) it blew it out the water....fuggin whoofin....what a moron. smoke and stank everywhere for the love of god..........ok im done about that


next piece of stupidity is the goddamn schedule. they planned to have the wedding at 11 then the reception at 3. what in the holy fuckin buhjeebus kinda schedule is that? especially when the wedding and reception are at the same fucking place? if you dont think it is as dumb as i do, you may better understand when i get to back to the reception/bbq here in few...


sooooo about now im wishing that i didnt quit smoking cuz im as stressed out as an ant running away from the 5yr old fucker with a magnifying glass. look at the time and its about 11, horray lets get this shit over with. look around and i start getting depressed. there is only about 10-15 ppl there. ohhh fuckin joy, nobody can ever be on time for shit. everyone needs to get their asses here so we can do this. next thing i know the 10 ppl are heading out to the alter thing they have set up /confused yup you guessed it....thats all that was going to be there for the wedding hahahahahaha 10-15 ppl bwahahahahaha. guess the rest of the family didnt approve either. here is the breakdown of relatives attending.....me, my bro, one of my uncles, one of my cousins, and my grandma. yup only 5 actual relatives at this ghetto fabulous shindig. btw 10-15 is everyone...including bride, groom, cameraman, yes everybody. where the fuck is my laughing smiley :mad:


ok on to the wedding. first of all i wasnt expecting a redneck wedding with cowboy boots, buckles, jeans, and fuckin cowboy hats. if i would have known that i would have shown up wearing shorts, flip flops, a blow me shirt, and a fuck you hat. my mom didnt even have a wedding dress. of course i get asked to take pics for someone. so i start taking some and wonder why the hell am trying to get good pics of a 15 person wedding? so i use up all the pics on my mom and fagboy and call it quits. then they start doing their vows. i was expecting the traditional "i do" stuff....nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo they wrote their own shit, which is kinda cool but people that do that shit need to realize what the fuck they are writing for themselves. ok this totally caught me offgaurd so i didnt hear all of it but got attuned when i heard my mom refer to him as 'big daddy' and him refer to her as 'candypants' :eek: what the fuck is that shit? yup i think i am going to be sick....


ok wedding over. now is when i get the breakdown of the schedule and become in awe of the sheer stupidity. its like 1145, im fuggin hungry, and no grubbin for over 3 more hours. sure i could have made due with some chips or a piece of celery but to hell with that im hungry. besides, with only 10 ppl there you could probably imagine how much food would be there anyway. so i did what any smart person would do and told my mom that i will be back later. went to my pops and grubbed it up then went for a relaxing swim then chilled in the hot tub. then the realization hit that it was time for me to go back to hell.


get back to satans realm to find more ppl, thats cool we're up to about 30 now hahahahaha ahhhhh what the fuck. mind you the number of relatives in attendance remains the same. by this time im not too hungry anymore being that i ate at pops, but im not stuffed or anything and the idea of some good bbq was rather appealing. so i make my way through rednecks over to the grub. first stop was to get a beer. he has a kegerator but its a shitty one. 3/4 of your cup always ends up as foam. not to mention it was, i think my brother said it best..."coors lick my fucking balls light" haha. and they had 3 kegs of that shit too and only 30 ppl there. back to the grub. bunch of your normal nasty shit like fruity guacamole dip caserole, glazed spinach artichoke turnovers, and any other nasty what the fuck is that crap that is ALWAYS at weddings, reunions, and xmas and thanksgiving dinners. i dont know what it is, its like for these events ppl get dumber and try to come up with some 'unique' food that will make them be in some dinner hall of fame or something and end up with some fuckin rediculous tray of slop and end up calling it a 'caserole' :rolleyes: anywho, i skip over all of that dumb shit and do like most of us real men do and make a bee line straight to the good stuff.....BBQ and CHIPS.........only to find out they bbq'd a fucking DEER!!!!!!! what the fuck is this world coming to? dont get me wrong i love deer, its good shit, but you DO NOT BBQ DEER. when you think bbq you think, cow, chicken, pork, maybe a turkey but not fuckin deer. someone needs to be shot. thank god i already ate if i hadnt, well, i would have lost my appetite anyway. that shit was just that...shit....rubbery, distasteful, actually it almost had no taste at all. to sum it all up in one word....'horrible'



now its time to cut the cake. so everyone gathers around for this traditionaly event. older folks are all like 'awww this is cute' and the kiddies are like 'fuckin hurry up already i want some cake' hehe. me, im just wanting them to hurry the fuck up so it will be one step closer to me going home. well my mom finally cuts the cake and boy does she cut it. this is a pretty good sized cake and keep in mind there are only about 30ppl there. she cuts the whole cake into about 1" squares. what the hell? i had to get about 6 squares just to equal one little piece. anyway they go to do their cake stuffing in the mouth procedure and i hear this "candypants" bullshit again. /puke then my mom stuffs her cake in his mouth and they kiss with his hand on her ass and all i can do is think throwing up all over the place. hmmm lets see, how to give you guys the feeling i had.....i dunno, imagine licking a goats asshole or something....maybe that will make you feel the disgusted sick sensation i was feeling...


after teh cake ordeal i said to myself, i says "self....30 more minutes and we outta this mothafucka" wooooohooooo happy dance. this great day is almost over. then the fag comes over to talk to me and my bro, rambling about being glad we came no matter how we feel about it he was glad we showed up. well, atleast one of us was....then he started talkin about pussy or something and im like dude, you just got married....to our mom no less, and you already talkin about some pussy. what a fuckin tool



after all of the events of the day i find out that this fucker is a junior. a fuckin junior hahahahahaha even better hahahahaha. before you ask no i didnt know this even after all of these years because everyone called him butch----thats funny too hahahaha butch hahahahah



ahhhhhhhhh alas the time has come. time to get the fuck outta dodge baby. give my mom a hug and tell im wore out and ready to go to bed. peace and chicken grease fuckheads, gixerking is outta here. i hightailed out of that bitch like i had 10 minutes to get back to lawrence to claim a winning powerball ticket.



on the way home all i could think about was thank god it over and cant wait to get home to real beer. get home turn the tv on, got my beer, turned on the computer only to find out sbn was fucked :mad: cant fuckin win. then a few minutes later i get a call from good ole zach. he is out on the lake with a friend and wants me to go get them some grub and bring it out to the lake for em...what the?!?!? ummmm no, im going to bed bro...



welp, for all of those that actually read all of that, maybe now you can feel my pain. im sure there are a couple of things that i forgot to mention but oh well, thats the majority of it all. next time i go to a wedding thats shitty like this one you can bet your ass i will be drunk ALOT sooner....we're talking like before i even get there lol


ok i just had to remove a bunch of smilies and that pisses me off....grrrr
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,592 Posts
Damn dude! You know I usually don't read shit that long but it was sooooo funny that I had to. Bwahahahaha. Oh and another thing, be glad you had your daughter and wasn't able to come out to the lake. The boat broke down in the middle of the fuckin lake at like midnight, no one around anywhere, we were starving and it started pouring rain. We had to sleep all night on the boat in the pouring rain. ALL F'N night. I was completely soaked and cold until we drifted to shore about 9am. Fuck it sucked.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
170 Posts
zts gixx said:
Damn dude! You know I usually don't read shit that long but it was sooooo funny that I had to. Bwahahahaha. Oh and another thing, be glad you had your daughter and wasn't able to come out to the lake. The boat broke down in the middle of the fuckin lake at like midnight, no one around anywhere, we were starving and it started pouring rain. We had to sleep all night on the boat in the pouring rain. ALL F'N night. I was completely soaked and cold until we drifted to shore about 9am. Fuck it sucked.
ok, kings story sounds like it was akward and sucked ass!! but, zts HAHAHAHAHAHAHA thats some funny shit!! HAHAHAHA
 

·
I TOLD YA...
Joined
·
4,670 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
zts gixx said:
Damn dude! You know I usually don't read shit that long but it was sooooo funny that I had to. Bwahahahaha. Oh and another thing, be glad you had your daughter and wasn't able to come out to the lake. The boat broke down in the middle of the fuckin lake at like midnight, no one around anywhere, we were starving and it started pouring rain. We had to sleep all night on the boat in the pouring rain. ALL F'N night. I was completely soaked and cold until we drifted to shore about 9am. Fuck it sucked.


bwahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha



ahhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahaha



now that brought a tear to my eye hahahhahahahaha



and to think if i would have gone to get your dumbasses food it would have been a complete waste of my time and i would have been pissed off even more...hahahahaha
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
20 Posts
zts gixx said:
Damn dude! You know I usually don't read shit that long but it was sooooo funny that I had to. Bwahahahaha. Oh and another thing, be glad you had your daughter and wasn't able to come out to the lake. The boat broke down in the middle of the fuckin lake at like midnight, no one around anywhere, we were starving and it started pouring rain. We had to sleep all night on the boat in the pouring rain. ALL F'N night. I was completely soaked and cold until we drifted to shore about 9am. Fuck it sucked.

Gixxerking's story was great, and had me on the floor. I get back into my chair to read ZTS's ordeal. Back on the floor. Oh, my sides are killing me.
 

·
You will be missed Shawn
Joined
·
6,508 Posts
man, GK, you had a truly sucky day. I will bet my ass you wished you had come and rode with us on Friday night and we kept your ass out until dawn now don't ya?

Zach, my friend. I truly don't know what to say. except:


muuuuhhhhaaaaahhhhhaaaaaa. You got owned.

you both know I love ya <insert the love smiley here>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,592 Posts
What made it worse was we had finally found a place that would deliver food out to the dam, Domino's pizza, AND, we had the delivery driver talked into stoping and picking us up a pack of smokes, how cool is that. We were gonna have food, smokes, and plenty of beer (which we already had of course). That is when the F'n boat quit, about a 1/4 mile from the dam on the way to get our food. Had to call and cancel the order. :mad:
 

·
I TOLD YA...
Joined
·
4,670 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
silent_R1 said:
man, GK, you had a truly sucky day. I will bet my ass you wished you had come and rode with us on Friday night and we kept your ass out until dawn now don't ya?

Zach, my friend. I truly don't know what to say. except:


muuuuhhhhaaaaahhhhhaaaaaa. You got owned.

you both know I love ya <insert the love smiley here>


i dunno, being kept up until dawn had better entail something more than riding....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
127 Posts
ROFL sorry man that sounds truley horrible. Makes me wonder if your some long lost relative of my fucked up mom's family..
 

·
I TOLD YA...
Joined
·
4,670 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
jesus i just looked at this thread again and i still cant believe i typed all of that
 

·
You will be missed Shawn
Joined
·
6,508 Posts
yeah, this from a guy who talk much...









oh, wait, I'm confused :wtf

seriously, you had a lot of chit to get off your chestt....it's okay
I have to admitt thoug I was a bit surpisred to read all that form you.
 

·
I TOLD YA...
Joined
·
4,670 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
why surprised? i dont really talk that much....do i?
 

·
You will be missed Shawn
Joined
·
6,508 Posts
no. that is my point. some nights you are chatty and others, i have to practically beat you to get you to say anything...
 

·
I TOLD YA...
Joined
·
4,670 Posts
Discussion Starter #17
ooooooooooooooooooo beat me baby


dont tease me like that, you know im on a dry spell
 

·
You will be missed Shawn
Joined
·
6,508 Posts
i know...sorry...wasnt' meant to tease...if you want I'll send you a pic that was taken fairly recently since you haven't shown me the pics you took me a month ago...
 

·
I TOLD YA...
Joined
·
4,670 Posts
Discussion Starter #19
silent_R1 said:
i know...sorry...wasnt' meant to tease...if you want I'll send you a pic that was taken fairly recently since you haven't shown me the pics you took me a month ago...

grrrrrr i still havent gotten that pic. he probably already deleted it :mad:
 

·
You will be missed Shawn
Joined
·
6,508 Posts
so do you want another instead???
 
1 - 20 of 38 Posts
Top