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474 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
To little up this forum a little....

When a coworker comes in a little to happy singing "good morning" to
everyone and you think, "Somebody need to slap the sh*t out of her...You
need to pray at work

When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes," and
you think, "what the f..k do they want now."........You need to pray at

When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, "which
one of you sons of bit*&^@ turned off my computer." You need to pray at

When you and a coworker are discussing something and a 3rd person comes in
and says, "well at my last office", and you want to throw a stapler at
him......You need to pray at work

When you hear a coworker call your name and the first thing that crosses
your mind is, "what the hell does this b!#@h want now and you try to hide
underneath your desk".........You need to pray at work

When your asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the first
thing that pops in your head is, "both of y'all can kiss my
@ss!!".......You need to pray at work

When you're in the elevator and it stops to pick up someone who stood for 5
minutes waiting for the darn thing and they only go DOWN one floor, and you
say "that lazy a.. b..t.rd"......You need to pray at work

When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of
paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you
think, "sorry ass m#$^%f%&#s"....... You need to pray at work

If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping, or
flattening someones tires that you work with ...... You need to pray at

If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you doing to someone b/c
you know it's going to lead to their life story........ You need to pray at

If you had ever sat at your desk all day and played Solitaire, Free Cell,
Jeopardy, Hearts or any other game then get pissed when someone walks into
your office and you have to stop playing.......You need to pray at work.

______ETA B4U______
1,980 Posts
:lol those were good.

Best Excuses if You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk

1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
2. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the
time management course you sent me to."
3. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
4. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and
envisioning a new paradigm!"
5. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people !"
6. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
7. "Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP)
learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss made you attend.
8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related

stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"
9. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution

to our biggest problem."
10. "The coffee machine is broke...."
11. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
12. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
13. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the
14. "Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens without

______ETA B4U______
1,980 Posts

- Things You'd Love to Say Out Loud at Work


1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit .

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.

10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing &still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.
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