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Discussion Starter #1
For those who don't know me, I'm the asshole who tends to call every male here wuss and pussy. Here's your chance to get me back.

I'd like to know from men and women alike what should I do to keep my confidence level high after the first handful of dates with a given woman. I've got no problems with the approach, getting numbers, and the first date or two but I'm up to lucky 7 with a girl who I'm really interested in and I'm starting to feel my capabilities waver. This is in part due to my lack of ever really dating a woman before becomming exclusive with her and I'm also dealing with a girl who's had very little experience, one previous boyfriend, and who's still a virgin. How do I let this girl know that not only am I the best thing since sex but I'm not just gonna get in her panties and drop her without telling her in statements.
 

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ASCI_Blue said:
For those who don't know me, I'm the asshole who tends to call every male here wuss and pussy. Here's your chance to get me back.
Fuckin pussy. :twofinger

Dude, the hard part is done. You've already got her.

Just be yourself. And just tell her you care about her and don't want to hurt her, etc etc. You said you don't want to tell her in statements, but why not? What's so bad about telling her how you feel?
 

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If you've asked her on 7 dates and she's accepted all of them, you seem to be ahead of the game. She should have a VERY good idea of who you are and what your intentions are.
 

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Discussion Starter #4 (Edited)
juncc said:
If you've asked her on 7 dates and she's accepted all of them, you seem to be ahead of the game. She should have a VERY good idea of who you are and what your intentions are.

I'm not too sure about who I am, but my intentions I don't really hide. I am a man of few words in trade for many actions. She has yet to deny me touching her and even kissing her, however I've not made a go for her lips yet nor have I tried anything along the lines of say grabbing her ass. I respect her too much to try that..and when she's pissed she might be able to hurt me. :p


edit:

Just be yourself. And just tell her you care about her and don't want to hurt her, etc etc. You said you don't want to tell her in statements, but why not? What's so bad about telling her how you feel?
Okay on this, mostly the statement about not wanting to hurt her, the irony of this is that her first, last, and so far only SO did this to her and then promptly turned around and hurt her. I'd rather not say "Gee schnookems I'll never hurt you" I'd rather prove that through my actions. There's also the fact that I don't want to give up what sexual tension I've created to date. By telling her that I'm falling madly in love with her...okay so that's an exaggeration..she'll in effect have the ability to say big fuckin deal and send me on my merry way.

My gripe with telling her how I feel is what happens if she doesn't feel the same way back. You two gents say essentially the same thing. She's mine, which until I hear or feel her say to me is not the case. Something tells me that if I call'er now and say "hey babe get your cute ass over here so I can cornhole you into next year" I'll probably be looking for a new chick.
 

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i don't know what to tell you. i can't really get into a girl until i've had my dick in her mouth. after seven dates and no pussyholing i've lost interest.
 

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Ok, ASCI... here's the deal.

She's gone on 7 dates with you. You haven't said what the dates are - casual? Semi romantic? Couples kind of stuff, or hanging out?

Anyway... now is when you should be feeling a little unsure. That's a good thing. That means you've found someone you might want to give it a go with. And I agree about showing, not telling, to some degree - but we ALL need feedback. So, tell her a LITTLE about how you feel. Something easy, somewhat gentle, but the absolute friggen truth. Like, "I'm really digging spending time with you" or something along those lines - believe it or not, you can tell her what you feel in a way that keeps the pressure off, doesn't force her to say it in return, makes it easy for you, etc. It's the K.I.S.S. theory - Keep It Simple, Stupid.

You've touched her, kissed her but not on the lips. Trust me when I tell you - NO woman will go on that many dates & allow you to touch her in ANY sort of guy/chick way if she weren't interested. Give her a kiss, but (without adding pressure) remember that SHE is going to remember it. Make it good - not slobbering all over her face. A small kiss on the lips, a hint of tongue. You'll know immediately if it's a go or a no. And you want to keep the sexual tension going? DON'T allow the kiss to go farther, even if SHE attempts to extend it. Leave her wanting more, she'll come get ya. :)


BTW - Malik, you're single & have issues that could be blamed on your mother by a therapist, right? :bitchslap

malik ross said:
i don't know what to tell you. i can't really get into a girl until i've had my dick in her mouth. after seven dates and no pussyholing i've lost interest.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Okay Ludi you're right I didn't mention the dates. I really should have so here goes.

First 'date' (note the quotes) we went to dinner after work. Was casual, we laughed
togeather, ate togeather, no contact period. This also was a strange situation hence the no contact. Approx 3 hours.

Second was another dinner date after work. Good food, good fun..don't remember if I went for a hug after that or not, three hours here.

Third was a walk in one of Bend's many fine parks where we sat on a bench an embraced for a few minutes before continuing on our way, this was approximatly 3 hours.

Date 4 was lunch at our best burger place. Got a good hug out of this one, I think she had to get to work later that day my memory of this one is somewhat poor since it was only an hour or two.

Five was lunch and a walk in another of our fine parks. I cooked her lunch, she cooked desert (desert was pancakes and I asked her previously that if she wanted to cook me breakfast if she wanted to call me or nudge me in the morning and I didn't get slapped..hard!). We spent approximatly 5 hours togeather I'd say that about an hour of that time was spent at my house and half of that in close proximity and at one point snuggling, this was after the quickie back rub I gave her.

Date 6 was back to the same park after we both got off work Monday. A quick run to a grocery store for dinner (sub sandwitch in huge size) and again we took a long walk. Most of which was spent with my arm around her waist. A short part of this was her telling me how nice my backrub for her felt.


These are told from the most accurate and least biased point of view I can manage. Yes I do have a good memory for the most part, yes some women (like her) do notice it.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
jim schmidt said:
If you didn't spank her hard during first date sex, you've already lost the battle, you wuss and pussy!

We now return you to the actually helpful people...
:lao :lao :eek:nfloor :eek:nfloor

Dude..this is the most I've laughed in the last 3 days.
 

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ASCI_Blue said:
Okay Ludi you're right I didn't mention the dates. I really should have so here goes.

First 'date' (note the quotes) we went to dinner after work. Was casual, we laughed
togeather, ate togeather, no contact period. This also was a strange situation hence the no contact. Approx 3 hours.

Second was another dinner date after work. Good food, good fun..don't remember if I went for a hug after that or not, three hours here.

Third was a walk in one of Bend's many fine parks where we sat on a bench an embraced for a few minutes before continuing on our way, this was approximatly 3 hours.

Date 4 was lunch at our best burger place. Got a good hug out of this one, I think she had to get to work later that day my memory of this one is somewhat poor since it was only an hour or two.

Five was lunch and a walk in another of our fine parks. I cooked her lunch, she cooked desert (desert was pancakes and I asked her previously that if she wanted to cook me breakfast if she wanted to call me or nudge me in the morning and I didn't get slapped..hard!). We spent approximatly 5 hours togeather I'd say that about an hour of that time was spent at my house and half of that in close proximity and at one point snuggling, this was after the quickie back rub I gave her.

Date 6 was back to the same park after we both got off work Monday. A quick run to a grocery store for dinner (sub sandwitch in huge size) and again we took a long walk. Most of which was spent with my arm around her waist. A short part of this was her telling me how nice my backrub for her felt.


These are told from the most accurate and least biased point of view I can manage. Yes I do have a good memory for the most part, yes some women (like her) do notice it.
Oy, you fucktard, this info would have been useful BEFORE my last post. Prick. :D

Ok, back on track & off the bashfest. Dude, why the FUCK are you nervous? Sheesh. She told you how nice your backrub was - that's just BEGGING for "touch me more!! Do it again!!". You walked with a LOT of time with your arm around her waist - DUH, she would've wandered out of reach if she didn't like it, but she stayed close enough to contact... Your lack of confidence confuses me, cuz she's giving you EVERY sign that you actually should have a lot of it right now.

I could go on with this one but I'm going to cut to the chase here. You've done the park, you've gotten a chance to get your grub on & apparently your table manners (or lack of) didn't send her screaming. It's time for something like a "real" date - a movie, a drink, something a little more intimate... They've been casual so far, which is good cuz it builds comfort, allows time to talk & get to know each other.

Ask her out. I mean, genuinely ask her out. As in, "Would you like to go on a date with me on <insert day here>". Treat her right, don't pressure, make it a genuine, but still K.I.S.S. You've got it rolling so far, just don't let your brain get in the way - you're overthinking this, just go with it.

Sheesh, and men think WE are the ones that make shit complicated.
 

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ASCI_Blue said:
Something tells me that if I call'er now and say "hey babe get your cute ass over here so I can cornhole you into next year" I'll probably be looking for a new chick.
Man, I didn't mean to say THAT. And if you tell her how you feel and she doesn't feel the same way back, wouldn't you rather here that NOW before spending an infinate amount of money on dates? I'd much rather know how she feels about me before I keep spending the loot on her.

And after these dates, the way you described them, I promise you, she feels the same way back. Damn, you must be in love. You can't see the forest for the trees. ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE.
 

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My stale experience suggests that you have to turn up the heat soon or she's going to wonder if something is wrong with you. :gay
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Okay three messages so here we go.

Ludi, yes I am a prick thank you for the compliment I appriciate it. Why am I nervous, simple I've never really been that successful with attractive women before. I'm a decent looking guy but I tend to fall into wusslike behavior too quickly. Woman loses interest and goes elsewhere to look. Lauren is a 8.2 physically and a 10 personality with an overall 10.

I also forgot to mention something which wasn't a date but time we did spend togeather. She/her family invited me over to watch a movie. Not a date cause the only thing that happened was at the end of the night I got a hug. However she did say that her parents didn't give me anything less than appoving looks.

A more intimate date is something I've been trying to come up with. Can't go out for drinks (atleast the alcoholic kind) cause she's only 18. With that suggestion however I thought of some of the various coffee places around town. Get something and go outside to flirt and mol...er..have some physical contact. I've also asked her over to my place for dinner and a movie (46" HDTV is a good reason), but at that time got shot down. Probably in part cause she is a princess and the parents didn't know me.

Tragick, I know you didn't mean exactly what I said but I figured it was a good extreme to take it to. Spending an infinate money on dates isn't a concern since I don't do that already. I'm not being cheap just saying "if you're going to be here, it's going to be for ME not something else." I wouldn't say I'm in love by a long shot but very well could be if things are successful. ;)

f2, I agree with you completly too. I've got to find a way to get this to the next level smoothly. Under normal circumstances I'd already have planted a smooch on her lips and had done with it. I'm not used to dealing with virgins.

FYI for everyone (thanks for the advice) these dates have happened over a period of months.

Also her graduation is next week. I've been thinking that a yellow rose might be in order and possibly a chat with the old man to see what his expectations are of a gent who's interested in dating his daughter.
 

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Man does it ever get hard when you actually care about a girl. I hate when that happens, when i could give two shits about a girl i make the most sensible decisions and do things that will work. When you actually like the girl the obvious signals get mixed up.
My short story: bust a cute bartenders balls sunday. Come back wednesday to make fun of her more, say im going to a bar thur (cuz they have BEER PONG tourny!!!!!) adn tell her to give me her number and ill think about inviting her. Everything seems so simple but i am confused about the direction this is heading. Guess i'll find out tonihgt if it doesn't rain.

Now back to you ask her on a serious date and make the night ONLY end in a small kiss. She will wonder why the hell you didn't go for more. It makes you look like the sweet guy, even though you really just want to hop in bed....
 

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ASCI_Blue said:
possibly a chat with the old man to see what his expectations are of a gent who's interested in dating his daughter.
Bad idea IMO. That might seem a bit psycho. Better to get to know them a bit and increase their comfort level. As a dad, I'd think you're nuts if you start formally approaching me to discuss my expectations.
 

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HOLY SHIT MAN she's 18. Theres nothing wrong with that but i'm 22 and not sure i'd go that route. Mainly because the two lives are different. You can go to bars she can't etc. I have a hard time even thinking about kicking game to the girls coming in as freshman in college. I still have one yr left and come next september i'm not sure what the hell i'll do. However in college i just look at it as everyone is the same age let it be 18 or 21. However one more thing i look at is i'll have the 8-5 job eventually while my prospect is stil having class and free time. Oh well it's not bad and it all comes down to the girl you meet and what she has to offer.

By the way i don't have a problem with getting any women at all, and like i said if you give me a 18yr old who doesnt look that young and has a killer body she'll get it. Well if you add alcohol into play on my part. For some reason sober i have a conscience and can be very picky and judgemental.



Yea dont talk expectations with the dad, that's as bad as talking to a girl about marriage. Feel free to shoot the shit with the father about sports politics weather what ever it takes to show your a guinine guy. Asking about "so if i start banging your daughter what more would oyu like from me" is not good
 

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It's still WAY too early for you to be talking to her dad. You have only been "casually" dating for a few months. You need to wait until you and she are def a couple... wait a few more months, then talk to her dad.

No biggy... she's 18 and you are 24. You just need to find an interesting way to go out for drinks.

Ludicrous said:
Ask her out. I mean, genuinely ask her out. As in, "Would you like to go on a date with me on <insert day here>". Treat her right, don't pressure, make it a genuine, but still K.I.S.S. You've got it rolling so far, just don't let your brain get in the way - you're overthinking this, just go with it.
Do it exactly like Ludi said. Just flat out ask her on a date. Find out her favorite food. For me its Italian. My first V-day with the bf, he made reservations at a very nice (but not too expensive) Italian restaurant and suprised me. We sat at the bar first, and talked. If you do it that way, then you can have a beer (no more than 2... don't want to seem like a drunk hehe) and she can have a soda.

You need to up front about the next date, and you need to call it a date. That is a good way of giving her the hint that you are interested without saying it.

Also the way she allows you to put your arm around her waist, and she kept saying how much she loved the backrub is HUGE. She is def into you, and likes spending time with you.

Stop thinking about it and just do it. If she likes you as much as you like her, then there will be no problems.

Good Luck! :beer
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Way too early to talk do dad, noted and filed in the place it needs to be. I've been tossing that around a bit and it didn't quite feel right but seemed it couldn't be all bad. It seems it is all bad so it shall stay out for a while.

My next plan initally is to have her teach me to drive a stick..yes my parents are miserable failures. Figure although strange this could be quite a bit of fun..plus I can use my newfound skill to do something afterward. Possibly a 'hey after you get done teaching me a skill I should have been born with would you like to go on a date?' or somesuch.

I'll let ya all know how it goes.
 

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All I am going to say mate, from what you have already said. Especially on the "dates" issue is this....
Sounds to me like you have a good woman there, she sounds like fun and you guys have already made an incredible connection. So just keep going like you are, the moment when everythig will fall into place is just around the corner and when it does come around, you, yes you are going to have to be very gentle, and very careful.
That first kiss which I gather still hasn't truly happened is going to be the is=ce breaker, as Ludi say, be nice, be a gentleman, let her, even though it sounds like she is lacking in experience, let her lead the way, let her show you what she likes, how she likes to be kissed, then slowly but surely begin the education on your part....
When and if Sex comes to play, you stated she is still a virgin and at her age today that is very commendable, so "DO NOT" push the fact, there is very likely a reason behind her choice to be so, and if it you she choose's to share this ever so special time, treat her well, treat her like the gentleman you are already demonstrating you have the ability to do so. DO NOT GO ANYWHERE SLEEZY FOR INSTANCE IN THE BACK OF A CAR. Make it romantic, give her the memory so many people fail to receive today. Wait, it will be worth it. Suggestion, weekend away somewhere romantic........?

Anyway mate, you are both in control of your destiny here and both from the tales you have given are very much it seems on the track to fall in love......
Congratulations my man, congratulations....
 

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ASCI_Blue said:
My next plan initally is to have her teach me to drive a stick..yes my parents are miserable failures. Figure although strange this could be quite a bit of fun..plus I can use my newfound skill to do something afterward. Possibly a 'hey after you get done teaching me a skill I should have been born with would you like to go on a date?' or somesuch.

I'll let ya all know how it goes.

OMFG, this is such an awesome idea in so many ways I don't even know where to begin! SHE gets to teach you something, which means there's balance (ok, that may not make sense now, but eventually you'll understand it). Women like to be useful, cuz so much of the time guys are asses & have to do the macho "I can do anything" attitude that grates on our nerves. PLUS, if you don't take it too seriously, it'll be a good time to laugh & be just a wee bit vulnerable, which is awesome because women dig guys that are strong enough to be weak about a few things.
 
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