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Alright, long story so please stick with me here. First off, I don't have herpes, I get regular check ups and am clean. My dilemna is that there is a girl at my work that I have always flirted with and had your basic middle school crush on, we get along really well and consider her a close friend. Never even thought about asking her out because she is incredibly pretty, like way out of my league pretty. She's really smart to boot as well, going to school for accounting and pulls a high GPA. Well, today she asked me to go out to lunch, which isn't uncommon, but when we went to lunch she told me that she has so feelings for me and wishes to pursue a relationship. I was shocked pretty good because I never saw this coming and at the sametime really would like to as well. Yet, my problem here is, she also said she wanted to be upfront about somethings first, and that is when she told me she has herpes. She asked me how I felt about it and if I would still like to go out with her. I said I really didn't know a whole lot about it and wanted to get more informed before I decided. She was cool with that, told me a few places online that I could look it up, and would be waiting for my answer.

So, I have checked it out, as long as you take all the proper precautions, the risk is significantly reduced (it is still there), and isn't entirely as bad as popular myth makes it out to be. Has anyone been in a this kind of situation or possibly been on the other side? What would you do in my situation?
 

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A good buddy of mine was in a similar situation. He was flirting with her for a long time, she finally gave in and they went out. She told him right up front she had herpes and that she was taking medicine. They've been together almost 5yrs now. As far as i know she still take the medicine and he's still clean.

I'd talk to your family doctor for an expert opinion though
 

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I think it's great she was upfront that she has herpes. I think I'd go for it, just go into it knowing the risks. It's kind of like riding a motorcycle (pun not intended), you go in knowing the dangers invloved.
 

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Rascus said:
A good buddy of mine was in a similar situation. He was flirting with her for a long time, she finally gave in and they went out. She told him right up front she had herpes and that she was taking medicine. They've been together almost 5yrs now. As far as i know she still take the medicine and he's still clean.

I'd talk to your family doctor for an expert opinion though

Yeah I actually have an appointment already to get checked again, so I was planning on asking. Didn't make the appointment from what happened to today, just the regular visit.
 

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I'd go for it... I don't go out with a girl looking straight to the sex factor. I would still do research though incase things did progress to that point. I have had a couple friends in that situation and they came out fine.
 

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If you think she's special, take a chance. If this is just a crush on a girl who you thought was out of your league, then pass. If you get herpes you'll be the one who has to tell people when you ask them out, and at your age you've got a lot of dates to look forward to.
 

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Lok said:
I think it's great she was upfront that she has herpes. I think I'd go for it, just go into it knowing the risks. It's kind of like riding a motorcycle (pun not intended), you go in knowing the dangers invloved.

+1............... To bad your so far away, and to young, and I have a bf... hahah! :)
 

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My ex has herpes. She's had it for a couple years.
We were together for about six months, and I never got it.
You just have to be careful. And make sure she's taking the medication.
 

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Go for it my friend, a very little known fact is EVERYONE has herpes. Yes EVERYONE. Ever get a coldsore? Thats herpes. Dont lick or kiss the sores when there active. I went out with a girl with herpes and we did great.
 

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There'sa wide range of herpes. Some people have regular outbreaks, some only once every few years or less. She'll know when she's coming down with an outbreak and then you'll stay away from contact.
 

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Krazy Hawaiian said:
Go for it my friend, a very little known fact is EVERYONE has herpes. Yes EVERYONE. Ever get a coldsore? Thats herpes. Dont lick or kiss the sores when there active. I went out with a girl with herpes and we did great.
I don't know how true that is...I have NEVER had a cold sore, and I know people that have also never had a cold sore.
 

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I think the fact that she was honest with you up front shows that she is very interested. This may be a good time to treat sex like the good 'ole days and hold off until you become pretty serious. See how you get along just dating and cross that bridge when you get to it. But know going into this if you are going to do it or not when the time comes. That's my $.02
 

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Can you really perform *knowing* a girl has an STD like herpes? :dunno I'd pretty much through any ideas of sex out the window, cause this is what your dealing with bud. NOT PRETTY!
 

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not every case of Herpies is an STD. you can actually get um from going through your mothers birth canal. And I agree with KH, I've read that all ppl have some form of herpies. Just cuz you dont get out breaks of it, dose not mean that you dont have um. That last pic is a MAJOR case of vaginal warts that some one just let get out of hand. IIKKKKKK!!

but any way, it's all about how you feel about someone. If it isnt an issue, then go for it. Keep it wraped any way, always a good way. No glove, no love...
 

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It's a very good sign that she was honest and upfront...very hard to find in today's world in any person..
Like everyone said...do more research..talk with your doctor and just be careful and see how things go in the relationship!
 

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Really glad to see this discussion..

I think you are a really lucky guy! :) This girl clearly likes you a lot to be willing to do an embarrassing thing like telling you about her having herpes. It's not easy. I know because I've been there. It also shows that she is a caring and responsible person with ethics, another very good thing.

Statistically, if the only precaution that you take is to avoid risky contact when she's having symptoms, then your risk is less than 4% per year of transmission to you. If she uses antiviral meds suppressively, it drops well below that. I hasten to add, though, that this is group statistics and can't accurately predict what might happen in your individual case.

Here's another thing that someone else brought up. You should be tested anyway since a large percentage of the adult population already has herpes simplex of one type or the other, mostly as cold sores, whether they ever notice symptoms or not. Type 1 is not limited to the mouth, though and about 1/3 of new genital herpes cases are type 1, generally acquired via oral sex. If you both happen to have the same type, then there's essentially no risk at all since you would have antibodies to protect against new infection.

The prevalence of genital type 2 herpes is now approaching 25% of the adult population. Higher in some demographics than others. A recent fairly large study showed that 25.7% of middle-class suburbanites have it. Most of them don't know it since the majority don't have symptoms that they recognize as herpes. I'd say you are better off with a partner who knows that they have it than with someone who doesn't have a clue.

Since I got herpes back in 1995, I've divorced my first wife, dated and remarried to a woman who does not have herpes. Life goes on just fine. :)

Oh, and that picture link that was posted, is definitely a worst-case situation that is from an AIDS website. It doesn't related to anything even approaching typical in a normal immune-competent situation. Most people who are infected don't even have sypmtoms that they recognise as herpes.

OK, so how do I know about this since my profile says I'm an Engineer? I've had type2 genital herpes since 1995 and have been webmaster for several years for the "Original Herpes Home Page" at http://racoon.com/herpes where there you'll find lots of information as well as discussion forums all dealing with herpes. I'd invite any of you who are interested in this subject to drop in on our little online community at any time. There's also some good reading about the subject in a free herpes handbook at http://www.westoverheights.com/freebook.html

Thanks for reading!
 

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hondagirrl said:
Do the research, make sure she takes meds, protect yourself and enjoy the relationship! :)
Agreed, my ex had herpes and she took her meds religiously. When she became stressed, she would get an outbreak. We were together for 2 years and I always got checked without a problem. She too was honest and uncomfortable about telling me.

It must be tough having to tell whomever you are interested in pursuing a relationship with about it.
 

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Lok said:
It's kind of like riding a motorcycle (pun not intended), you go in knowing the dangers invloved.
Just wear your gear, maybe carry around some plastic wrap if you can't resist her whan she's active.
 

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the rajah---first off welcome to the board!!!! :)

Thanks for such an informative post!! Knowledge is power and the more you know..the less you are in the dark about things!!
 
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