Sport Bikes banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,413 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
HEY

THIS IS A LITTLE LONG.....BUT WELL WORTH THE READING! HOPE YOU ENJOY!



> Word of warning! Go to the bathroom before you read this.
>
Waxing---VERY FUNNY
>>
>>
>> >All methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, painless
>> >removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
>> >
>> >
>> >My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home fix dinner,
>> >played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
>> >in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of
>> the
>> >medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom.
>> It
>> >was one
>> >of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the
>> >strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them
>> apart
>> >press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off. No
>> muss,
>> >no
>> >fuss. How hard can it be? I mean I'm no girly, girl but I am
>> >mechanically inclined enough I can figure it out. YA THINK!!!
>> >
>> >So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
>> >stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair
>> dryer
>> >and heat it to 1000 degrees.
>> >
>> >Cold wax my ass (Oh how this phrase haunts me!)
>> >
>> >I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and
>> >pull.
>> >
>> >OK so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
>> >Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am Sheera, fighter of all wayward
>> body
>> >hair and smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move
>> north.
>> >After checking on the kids I sneak back into the bathroom, for the
>> ultimate
>> >hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the
>> >toilet Using the same procedure I apply the was strip across the right
>> side
>> >of
>> >bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down
>> >to the inside of my ass cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) .
>> >
>> >I inhale deeply and brace myself.
>> >
>> >RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
>> >
>> >I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....Vision return ing, I notice that
>> >I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. SHIT!!! Another deep
>> >breath
>> >and RRIIPP. Everything is swirling and spotted. Do I hear crashing
>> drums???
>> >
>> >OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - my wax covered pelt that
>> >has caused me so much pain. I want to revel in the glory that is my
>> triumph
>> >over body hair. I hold up the strip but there is no hair on it.
>> >
>> >Where is the wax???\
>> >
>> >Slowly I eased my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see
>> >the hair. (the hair that should be on the strip.) I touch. I am
>> touching
>> >wax . SHIT! I peel my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body
>> that
>> >is now covered in cold wax and matted hair and then make the next big
>> >mistake.
>> >(Remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet.) I know I need to
>> >move to do something. So I put my foot down and then I hear the
>> slamming of
>> >the cell door.
>> >
>> >Vagina? Sealed shut. Ass?? Sealed shut.
>> >
>> >I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
>> >think to myself "I hope I don't get the urge to shit. My head may pop
>> off"
>> >
>> >Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can
>> >stand, the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right???
>> >
>> >WRONG
>> >
>> >I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than then that used to
>> >torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
>> >
>> >Now the only thing worse that having your business glued together is
>> >having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub. In
>> >scalding hot water - which by the way doesn't melt the cold wax.
>> >
>> >So now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!
>> >
>> >I call my friend thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
>> >secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.
>> >
>> >"So, my ass and cooch are stuck to the bottom of the tub!"
>> >
>> >She doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from
>> >me. She wants to know exactly where the wax on the ass is "Are we
>> talking
>> >cheeks or hole or what?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear
>> her. I
>> >give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number
>> >on the side of the box .YEAH Right!! I could be the joke of some one
>> >else's night.
>> >
>> >While we go through various solutions, I result in scraping the wax off
>> >with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies
>> covered
>> >in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super
>> >hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!
>> >
>> >I then find the most beautiful saving grace.... that is the lotion they
>> >give you to remove the excess wax. I rub some and scream "IT works!! It
>> >works!!
>> >
>> >I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
>> >
>> >I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
>> >dismay...The hair is still there...all of it. So I shaved the shit off.
>> >
>> >Hell, I'm numb at this point. Then I put the wax back in the medicine
>> >cabinet, I may have a mustache that needs work someday..
>> >
>> >Next week I'm going to try hair color.......
>> >
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
517 Posts
Ouch...leave it to the professionals.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,480 Posts
I had to come back and read this.. what was she thinking...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
358 Posts
Professional here in Waxing butts & hand mammograms - licensed and insured (just don't ask to see the paperwork). :egrin
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top