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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well, it's been awhile since we've had any real drama in this section so why not?

Back in June I found out my ex was fucking around behind my back while I was trying my best to fix things. For me it was about fixing our family life, for my son's sake. He is, and will always be, the focus in my life. I want him to have a happy life one way or the other.

Fast forward to recently. My ex realized how badly she fucked up, dumped her current boyfriend, and tried to make amends. No thanks, I don't want anything to do with it. I'm well on my way to making the life I have, and the life I can give my son, a far far better place.

Halloween fell on my week, which we all know was on a weekday and weeknight. I made plans with my cousin since her daughter is only 7 months older than my son and I figured they would have a great time together, which they did. She's now pissed off because I took away a "holiday" and isn't willing to compromise on anything else in the future.

I called her tonight to try to be nice, and work towards the future of our son, but wow, is she still pissed off about Halloween. Come the fuck on, it's barely even a real holiday. I can't even believe how selfish she's being about the entire thing.

Now, I don't want anything from her. I'd be happy if I never had to speak to her, see her, or deal with her ever again. Unfortunately my son is only 3 1/2 so I have quite a few years to go. She just can't understand that I'm far better off without her in my life, yet there's always something one way or the other. She can't even agree to let me take the write off for taxes without a fight. She has her daughter, and a low income, so she'll get everything back. Meanwhile I've been paying for everything from babysitting to new glasses, and my income is too high to get much. Without him as a write off, I'll owe.

So I've resorted to threatening her. I have both her and her mom's social security numbers. I've paid them both for babysitting via check (so I have a paper trail) and if she continues to fight me over the whole tax thing, I'll be claiming that income on my tax return and let them figure out how to tell the IRS where the money came from.
 

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It's not worth it... It just isn't. Try at [nearly] all costs to keep the peace with your ex. With kids involved, it makes everything SOOOOOOO much easier.

I have an ex and two children. We are divorced because she was cheating on me as well. I know the feeling... It sucks.

It was pretty tough for the first year or two that we were split up. We got into stupid arguments over stuff just like this. Eventually we both got used to having the kids at different times and were able to work through it. We are now pretty good friends. We sit together at the kids' soccer games, we call each other to give updates on the kids, and we sometimes ask favors of each other. It honestly couldn't be a better ex-with-kids situation. However, it took a lot of work to get to this point.

Holidays have to be figured out beforehand. We always call and figure out how the holidays are going to work a couple weeks or more before. If it's a big holiday, we try to split it up. For example, on Christmas, one of us has them Christmas eve and half of Christmas day. The other takes them on the second half of Christmas day. If for whatever reason one of us has them the entire holiday, we agree that the other one has them the next holiday.

In this case, it would be fair for you to offer for her to have them on Thanksgiving. Yeah, you might be getting kind of screwed on this deal. For my family Thanksgiving is a b***** holiday than Halloween... however, in the long run, it doesn't matter. What does matter is keeping the peace between you and your ex. This is especially true once your kid gets older. You don't want him to see you two arguing constantly. Once you make the offer to let her have your kid on Thanksgiving, start making plans for splitting the time with him during Christmas. Prior planning is definitely your friend.

DO NOT try and go after her using the IRS. You may win the tiny battle... But you'll lose the war. Seriously man, seriously... For both you and your child, keep the peace. Once your kid is 18, tell her she's a stupid fucking cunt and whatever else you've wanted to tell her for the last decade... However, chances are that by that point you won't even care. At first, my plan was to basically let all the shit that was stewing come out once my kids were 18 and I no longer had to deal with her... However, it didn't take long for me to realize that was silly, and I soon after forgave her. It's sooooo much easier to move on and make friends with her (or at least not be enemies) than to hold a grudge. If nothing else, do it for your child.
 

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Max, having had experience in this situation, pretty much got it all.

I just want to add "don't do anything that could even POSSIBLY risk your time with your son."

Good luck, keep your back straight and chin up.
 

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I gotta echo whats said above.....just not worth it.

I too have been down this road with my now 15 yr old (we divorced when he was 2)

Threats/hurtful words do nothing but make a terrible situation even worse.

Until recently his mom & I would share holidays.

Christmas- I would get him

Turkey day- she would get him & vise/versa etc etc..

Like Max situation, my ex & I moved on & get along fine.

For the past 13 yrs his mom & I often communicate about him (grades, etc)
& it hasnt really been that bad.

Good luck man.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
It's not worth it... It just isn't. Try at [nearly] all costs to keep the peace with your ex. With kids involved, it makes everything SOOOOOOO much easier.

I have an ex and two children. We are divorced because she was cheating on me as well. I know the feeling... It sucks.

It was pretty tough for the first year or two that we were split up. We got into stupid arguments over stuff just like this. Eventually we both got used to having the kids at different times and were able to work through it. We are now pretty good friends. We sit together at the kids' soccer games, we call each other to give updates on the kids, and we sometimes ask favors of each other. It honestly couldn't be a better ex-with-kids situation. However, it took a lot of work to get to this point.

Holidays have to be figured out beforehand. We always call and figure out how the holidays are going to work a couple weeks or more before. If it's a big holiday, we try to split it up. For example, on Christmas, one of us has them Christmas eve and half of Christmas day. The other takes them on the second half of Christmas day. If for whatever reason one of us has them the entire holiday, we agree that the other one has them the next holiday.

In this case, it would be fair for you to offer for her to have them on Thanksgiving. Yeah, you might be getting kind of screwed on this deal. For my family Thanksgiving is a b***** holiday than Halloween... however, in the long run, it doesn't matter. What does matter is keeping the peace between you and your ex. This is especially true once your kid gets older. You don't want him to see you two arguing constantly. Once you make the offer to let her have your kid on Thanksgiving, start making plans for splitting the time with him during Christmas. Prior planning is definitely your friend.

DO NOT try and go after her using the IRS. You may win the tiny battle... But you'll lose the war. Seriously man, seriously... For both you and your child, keep the peace. Once your kid is 18, tell her she's a stupid fucking cunt and whatever else you've wanted to tell her for the last decade... However, chances are that by that point you won't even care. At first, my plan was to basically let all the shit that was stewing come out once my kids were 18 and I no longer had to deal with her... However, it didn't take long for me to realize that was silly, and I soon after forgave her. It's sooooo much easier to move on and make friends with her (or at least not be enemies) than to hold a grudge. If nothing else, do it for your child.
Funny thing is, I do just about all of this already, and she still wants to argue with me about stupid shit all the time. We're on a week on week off schedule, and she already has him for Thanksgiving, not a big deal to me. We've already decided to split Christmas. Only other day that she doesn't have him is his birthday.

I've told her time and time again that I have no problem dealing with her when it comes to our son, but she keeps getting petty and blowing up over stupid shit. I can't win no matter how much I give, which has always been a part of the problem with our relationship. She always has to have it her way. If it wasn't her idea, it won't fly. Fuck that. I'm tired of giving in, it's time for me to get my balls back.

She either agrees to give me the writeoff this year, or I make sure she has to claim any babysitting I've paid her for. If she has to report that income on her taxes, she'll end up owing back unemployment and food stamps because she wasn't reporting it to either office while I was paying her and she could even get nailed for fraud since she was accepting money under the table for "working". This isn't a small tax thing, it could nail her to the wall pretty badly and she knows it.

Unfortunately there's still no legal agreement because neither one of us wants to go to court so I've been trying to work things out, but she's just never willing to give. Fuck her I'm done playing nice.
 

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Funny thing is, I do just about all of this already, and she still wants to argue with me about stupid shit all the time. We're on a week on week off schedule, and she already has him for Thanksgiving, not a big deal to me. We've already decided to split Christmas. Only other day that she doesn't have him is his birthday.

I've told her time and time again that I have no problem dealing with her when it comes to our son, but she keeps getting petty and blowing up over stupid shit. I can't win no matter how much I give, which has always been a part of the problem with our relationship. She always has to have it her way. If it wasn't her idea, it won't fly. Fuck that. I'm tired of giving in, it's time for me to get my balls back.

She either agrees to give me the writeoff this year, or I make sure she has to claim any babysitting I've paid her for. If she has to report that income on her taxes, she'll end up owing back unemployment and food stamps because she wasn't reporting it to either office while I was paying her and she could even get nailed for fraud since she was accepting money under the table for "working". This isn't a small tax thing, it could nail her to the wall pretty badly and she knows it.

Unfortunately there's still no legal agreement because neither one of us wants to go to court so I've been trying to work things out, but she's just never willing to give. Fuck her I'm done playing nice.
It's your life, so you'll do as you please, but small victories up front could cost you a lot more in the long run. If you use your threatening tactic, what is the best case scenario? That she relents and you get to claim your child? Great, you'll get a few extra bucks back in the spring from Govco... And your ex will be bitter and hold this over your head.

I have two children with my ex-wife, so claiming them as dependents on tax forms is easy. We each claim one child, and rotate which one each year. If I had one child, I would make an agreement to claim the child one year and her claim him the next.

There does come a point where you just can't bend over backwards any further. If she truly is unwilling to compromise about anything, you may have to consider going to court... But that really should be an absolute last resort... As should threatening her with monetary damage. You do realize that if you report her earnings and she loses her unemployment and food stamps, you'll end up paying for it through increased child support, right? You can really only lose going this route.
 

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And people ask me why I don't want kids.

Fuck that noise.

Good luck dude. I have no advice -i would have told get to get bent and die a long time ago.
 

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so whats written in the divorce decree? who uses son for taxes? who gets son for ? what days?

if you don't have an official divorce decree and anr paying her and his expenses, make sure to have a paper trail, otherwise she'll say you haven't paid anything.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
so whats written in the divorce decree? who uses son for taxes? who gets son for ? what days?

if you don't have an official divorce decree and anr paying her and his expenses, make sure to have a paper trail, otherwise she'll say you haven't paid anything.
Luckily I never married her, so ex girlfriend, and we haven't been to court yet.

I've always claimed him on the taxes since he was born. I pay just enough in taxes that I don't owe at the end of the year, but being able to claim him gets me a couple thousand back.

The other reason I've always claimed him, is because she hasn't worked a full year since he was born so she gets an earned income credit every year, as well as any taxes she did actually pay in, and she gets to claim her daughter. Adding in the boy might get her an extra 500-1k on top of the 4-6k she already gets back, whereas it's the difference in 100 dollars (without him), to up to 3000 (with him) dollars for me every year.

The kid isn't the problem; the wife is.
Exactly, She is the problem. Love my son to death. Nothing wrong with kids, just who you have them with.

Do not go to court... you will lose.
Maybe, maybe not. I'll have to sell my truck for lawyers fees, but I have a paper trail two miles long showing that I've given her support, paid for just about all his major "life" expenses (new frames for glasses, lenses, etc) According to the lawyer I've talked to I have about a 50/50 chance of winning if we go to court, and even if she goes after me for actual child support, which I don't pay now, the amount would be so small going to her it's not even worth her time or the damage it will do to our son and she knows it.


Overall, she agreed to give me the tax return first thing yesterday. I'm just tired of bullshit games. She's greedy and she's never willing to compromise. If it's not her idea first, it's not a viable idea until you've literally pointed out the logic step by step to her. How I ever let myself fall this deep into someone this illogical, irrational, and unintelligent is so fucking far beyond me I'm kicking myself every day.

Let this be a lesson fellas, don't just fucking settle. I should have gotten out years ago, but I was lazy, drunk, and getting easy pussy.
 

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if you goto court, which you should anyways. to get everything set in stone vs. what her whims are.....

in all honest, you'll prob. loose primary custody of your son. you'll get the every wed. and every other weekend thing like 99% of men do. you'll pay a "fair" child support and get to use him as on your taxes and you'll need to provide insurance.

the laws are in favor of the mother, adn even if you drag up all kinda dirt, unless she's in jail, she'll prob. end up getting the boy.

as for taxes, i don't have sympathy for either of ya'll i basically pay your share of taxes and prob. more and get nothing in return. and i esp. despise her since she's just riding the system. i'm tired of people not paying ANY taxes, don't really care how much $ you make.

and yes you're right, choose wisely when picking yuor mate or fathering/mothering your children.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
if you goto court, which you should anyways. to get everything set in stone vs. what her whims are.....

in all honest, you'll prob. loose primary custody of your son. you'll get the every wed. and every other weekend thing like 99% of men do. you'll pay a "fair" child support and get to use him as on your taxes and you'll need to provide insurance.

the laws are in favor of the mother, adn even if you drag up all kinda dirt, unless she's in jail, she'll prob. end up getting the boy.

as for taxes, i don't have sympathy for either of ya'll i basically pay your share of taxes and prob. more and get nothing in return. and i esp. despise her since she's just riding the system. i'm tired of people not paying ANY taxes, don't really care how much $ you make.

and yes you're right, choose wisely when picking yuor mate or fathering/mothering your children.
Dude, I live in California, I get taxed like a mother fuck on everything. I'm also in a higher tax bracket because of my income, so I pay a fuck load every year that I don't get back, even with claiming my son. I put far more then my own fair share in so you aren't paying for shit where I'm concerned.

The biggest thing I have going for me, and which will stand up in court according to my lawyer, is the fact that I've had literal 50/50 custody of him since we split. I have him a week on, week off, and most judges aren't going to take that away. I also pay child care costs, and cost of transportation, which get deducted from any child support judgement since it's a 50/50. I have far more going for me the most dead beat fathers ever do, and while the courts used to always lean more favorably towards the mothers, times have changed and there are a lot more rights for the fathers.
 

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The kid isn't the problem; the wife is.
Yeah but guess what if he didn't have the kid... He wouldn't have any of this drama- much more simple cut and walk away without kids. They make every part/facet of a life messy and complicated.

I have two friends who are divorced and drive HOURS every weekend shuffling kids back and forth.

I know people wouldn't trade their kids for anything but seriously they really complicate life. No thanks.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Yeah but guess what if he didn't have the kid... He wouldn't have any of this drama- much more simple cut and walk away without kids. They make every part/facet of a life messy and complicated.

I have two friends who are divorced and drive HOURS every weekend shuffling kids back and forth.

I know people wouldn't trade their kids for anything but seriously they really complicate life. No thanks.
Can't deny that life would be far easier without the boy, but it's a sacrifice I made and I love most moments of it. I'm hoping it gets easier as he gets older and more independent. Besides, I'm going on 34 and my party days are behind me. Another year or two and I'll be taking him camping, fishing, road tripping, and that's when the real fun begins.
 

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. Another year or two and I'll be taking him camping, fishing, road tripping, and that's when the real fun begins.
right, but being a 40y.o. bar fly has it's perks, the bartenders will tell you they WUB YOU AS WELL, as long as you tip them well. and all your bar rat friends will tell you the same thing as long as you're buying the drinks.

my 2 complications in life.

at least she knows 1 truth, i wouldn't trade anything in life over them.
 

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Yeah but guess what if he didn't have the kid... He wouldn't have any of this drama- much more simple cut and walk away without kids. They make every part/facet of a life messy and complicated.

I have two friends who are divorced and drive HOURS every weekend shuffling kids back and forth.

I know people wouldn't trade their kids for anything but seriously they really complicate life. No thanks.
Kids certainly complicate things, no doubt about that... But they also add a lot of joy to life as well. Before I had kids, I had the exact same feelings about children as you do. It's something that can't really be explained well. If/when you have kids, you'll know what I mean.

But, we're all entitled to our own opinions, of course... And we'd be a lot better off as a country if more people would quit having kids.
 

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Yeah but guess what if he didn't have the kid... He wouldn't have any of this drama- much more simple cut and walk away without kids. They make every part/facet of a life messy and complicated.

I have two friends who are divorced and drive HOURS every weekend shuffling kids back and forth.

I know people wouldn't trade their kids for anything but seriously they really complicate life. No thanks.
well at least you can see that you'd make a terrible parent and are thusly not having children.
 

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Yeah but guess what if he didn't have the kid... He wouldn't have any of this drama- much more simple cut and walk away without kids. They make every part/facet of a life messy and complicated.

I have two friends who are divorced and drive HOURS every weekend shuffling kids back and forth.

I know people wouldn't trade their kids for anything but seriously they really complicate life. No thanks.
Pretty cold way to look at it. Why don't you tell him not to be in a relationship with anyone at all to save him the grief of maybe dealing with this again in the future?
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Pretty cold way to look at it. Why don't you tell him not to be in a relationship with anyone at all to save him the grief of maybe dealing with this again in the future?
I'm about used to it from I-Jo, honestly I think she should just stay out of the threads that involve kids =P We all know how the she feels by now. :eek:nfloor

Doesn't really bother me.

I think the thing that's gotten to me the most is how much I ignored my friends and my family to arrive at this current situation. In the last two months I've heard how much they just didn't really like her to begin with, and here I am 10 years and a kid later regretting just about all of it. I love my son to death and god knows even with all of it, I'd still never take it back, because I wouldn't have him.
 
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