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14 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
You Might Be a ******* if:

l. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

2. You let your l2 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front
of her kids.

3. You've been married three times & still have the same in-laws.

4. You think the woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

6. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch

7. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentleman,
start your engines".

8. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its

9. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

l0. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the
House of Tattoos.

11. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law
against it.

12. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

13. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

14. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

15. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings
you home.

LMAO :twofinger

380 Posts
Scary how much those "you might be a *******" jokes remind me of my family

646 Posts
I dont feel like quoting, so i'll just say that i think number #12 is hilarious.

4,266 Posts
My first wife was strait out of a Jeff Foxworthy skit. This is all true:

My wife was named Buffy. Her dad cheated on her mom and knocked up another woman at the same time- he named that daughter Buffy too.
Two Buffys.
Named after his favorite hunting dog, since passed. Yup, named after a dog. Two girls, 6 months apart, named after his dog.
Dad in law lived in backwoods, GA. All his neighbors were family. Like an entire rural route full of relatives.
His house had every wall covered with deer antlers. They lined the wall like a border, lined every doorway (there was only 1 door in the house- to the bathroom) and replaced paint for the most part.
The largest picture in the house? Buffy. The dog, not the girls.
He shot out of his kitchen window to hit deer in the field behind the house. I found a spent casing by the sink.
Her mom was 15 years older than her second husband. As long as he had checks, she had money......
The ine from National Lampoon's Vacation: "I don't know why they call it hamburger helper- it does just fine on it's own" was spoken in all seriousness.
beer was a food group.

It was really bad. A family that thought Foxworthy wasn't funny because he was just describing them to a tee.

So glad I got out of that mess.
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