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I know the few people that know me that read this might look at it and go.. WHOA.. let's just chalk it off to bad timing.

Bear with me, I am usually a very personal person and I don't have a problem talking about my personal life with strangers but I am very closed about my marriage. Keep in mind also I am not looking for advice on making things work. That will come from professionals. So this is kinda wierd but I want to hear from people that have been through it. Expereinced it.

Its weird. I guess my question really is.. For those people out there that have been through a divorce.. how did you make it? How did you adjust? How did you change your state of living after it being the same for 5, 10, 15, 20 years? How did you get over the guilt? How did you get over feeling like the bad guy, how did you ever get over wanting to help the other person so much that you don't want to hurt them but knew you wouldn't ever be what they needed you to be anymore?
 

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I was with my ex-husband for 13 years. I'm not going to try to tell you how to save your marriage, since I obviously was unable to.

It took me a long time (years) to admit the marriage wasn't going to work out. It took me another 6 months to get the courage up to say the "D" word. Four more months later, the deed was finally done. I cried A LOT - not for the end of the marriage itself, but for hurting him. The divorce was entirely my idea, and I was guilty for a while about it. And then the realizations came:

1. We weren't happy. I cared enough about him to realize that he deserved better, deserved someone who could be what he needed, and as long as we were together, he was never going to be able to find that;

2. People change, which is what happened to us. We grew apart, wanted different things out of life. The divorce allowed us to each pursue the life we wanted to live;

3. I was shortchanging myself by staying with him because of guilt, fear, etc.

4. The other person WILL heal, as will you. But you won't be able to help with that, or make it better.

It took me a while to get over a lot of it, but as I said mine was a long time coming. A lot of the grieving, self-punishment, guilt, etc., was worked out before the divorce was actually done.

The only thing I can tell you is that honesty (with yourself & the other person), time and patience will get you through it. Just don't rush any decisions, take time to heal, etc.
 

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Yeah sounds very familar. Thanks for the input. You might be getting PMs from me in the future. Be warned.
 

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EricKC said:
For those people out there that have been through a divorce.. how did you make it? How did you adjust? How did you change your state of living after it being the same for 5, 10, 15, 20 years? How did you get over the guilt? How did you get over feeling like the bad guy, how did you ever get over wanting to help the other person so much that you don't want to hurt them but knew you wouldn't ever be what they needed you to be anymore?
How did i get over...boy I was soooooo happy when we finally agreed upon getting a divorce, it was like fucking brick was released off my shoulders. Luckily I was only with the person for almost 3yrs. Get over the guilt...no guilt..we didn't like each other any more...heck..she was already spreading for someone else.

If you have kids...be careful...don't let her start guilt trips...stop that from the beginning..it will be hard to do but you HAVE to do it. If you let them get away with giving you a guilt trip about the kids and see's it affects you they'll be relentless with it.

Good luck
 

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2 years married (filed on our second anniversary, how romantic), and 9 months later I've just gotten to where I'm basically over her. The key sign was when I realized I didn't really give a damn who she was with or what she did. It wasn't a long marriage by any standard, so obviously I still remembered how to get by on my own, can't help you with that. It did hurt like a motherfucker though. Just don't worry, time really does heal all wounds. And sex. Time and sex heal all wounds. Well, also good beer. Time, sex, and beer...

Sorry, you probably weren't looking for jokes. Ludicrous gave some good advice, and I'll add this: don't feel guilty for wanting the best for her. If you're really not meant to be together, then you're saving both of you a lot of heartache and lost time by taking action now. There were several times before I married when I wanted to break up, but didn't do so in order to not hurt her. Looking back, it would have been the right thing to do and a VERY small price to pay.
 

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You will be missed Shawn
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eric, I've been there twice. call me if you need to talk.
 

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EricKC said:
Yeah sounds very familar. Thanks for the input. You might be getting PMs from me in the future. Be warned.
G'head, PM me if you need to. Happy to talk to ya & do what I can to help you through it. No matter what the relationship is like in the end, divorce is still a biotch... it's sort of like mourning a death - the relationship takes on its own being, and that being has now ended, ya know?
 

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7 years, she left me for another man, for the 5th time.... LOL....no wait I'm still pissed.... Anyway, she's gone, took me for what I had as well, which wasnt really much but 2 years hard work in building a 500hp partially tuned, looking at 800hp fully tuned New Beetle drag car I built.......
Still the good side is I had my mid life crisis early and now I ride around on my R6 ;)

How did it all come around, easy, I'm too nice, should have left her 5 years ago after the first affair, but I'm not a quitter, so 2 pregnancies later (not mine I cant have kids) and 5 affairs I guess you could say I am finally free, and the only sticker you'll soon find on my bike will be "600cc of FUCK YOU Meredith"

What can I add in advice, nothing really except good luck, it's been nearly a year now for me, and I'd still take her back, guess when you fall in love you fall in love.

As for adjusting and getting on, I'm trying, but I cant find anyone who wants to date and Romantic old ass English guy stuck in Milwaukee WI.

I will say this though with time it does actually get better, that is if you let it......
 

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UK_R6 said:
7 years, she left me for another man, for the 5th time.... LOL....no wait I'm still pissed.... Anyway, she's gone, took me for what I had as well, which wasnt really much but 2 years hard work in building a 500hp partially tuned, looking at 800hp fully tuned New Beetle drag car I built.......
Still the good side is I had my mid life crisis early and now I ride around on my R6 ;)

How did it all come around, easy, I'm too nice, should have left her 5 years ago after the first affair, but I'm not a quitter, so 2 pregnancies later (not mine I cant have kids) and 5 affairs I guess you could say I am finally free, and the only sticker you'll soon find on my bike will be "600cc of FUCK YOU Meredith"

What can I add in advice, nothing really except good luck, it's been nearly a year now for me, and I'd still take her back, guess when you fall in love you fall in love.

As for adjusting and getting on, I'm trying, but I cant find anyone who wants to date and Romantic old ass English guy stuck in Milwaukee WI.

I will say this though with time it does actually get better, that is if you let it......
I think YOU are the one that needs to PM me for advice/help! :)

Seriously, you're obviously still bitter. It's hard to get the heart & mind on the save wave length. I do have some thoughts on your situation, but I won't spit 'em out here...

As for not being able to find anyone who wants to date a Romantic old english guy.... too bad you're not in CA, I have some friends I'd like for you to meet. LOL... :D
 

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ditto in KC. wouldn't care to move would ya UK_R6?
 

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silent_R1 said:
ditto in KC. wouldn't care to move would ya UK_R6?


HaHaHa give me an address I'm on my way LOL..........
 

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Who is that a photo of?

***Edit*** nevermind just saw who it was. Silent...wow, very nice...those wouldnt' happen to be thigh high boots you are wearing, would they :leghump :2fingers
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Anyone want her phone number?
 

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Well....after seeing that photo :lol
 

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Ok.. hold on its on the bathroom wall.
 

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hey i wasn't highjacking your thread, i promise.....:lol so i'm going to be getting a bunch of phone calls now huh?

and those were thigh high stockings...:twofingers
 

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It's going to be bad for awhile, really bad. Then, one day, you'll wake up and realize that there is A LOT of pussy out there. After that you'll be ok.
 

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7 years, she left me for another man, for the 5th time.... LOL....no wait I'm still pissed.... Anyway, she's gone, took me for what I had as well
--Close. I have 8 years. Still in the process of the divorce.
Blindsided me, man. One week we're looking at houses, then quite literally the next it's a divorce, she's got a boyfriend, and my family is in tatters.

So i am just being drug thru this thing. It's not a matter of 'dealing' with it. It's a matter of countering her moves as she prepares to sh1tcan me. I got a lawyer, who I promptly ignored. Everyone tells you- change your locks, close accounts, etc. I thought, 'I haven't locked the doors for fear of theives, I'm not gonna lock them for fear of a wife. Figured, she's not dumb enough to violate her own divorce paperwork and use the credit card. That's contempt of court.
Yeah, $2300 on the card later, her new apartment full of nice furniture, and I finally locked the card account. This is of course after she had me arrested and jailed. I have 36 weeks of mandatory counseling now- just the eval (1 hour) of which is 175 bucks.
What's even better- before I knew about how she paid for it, she was actually showing off her new stuff to me. "Isn't this bed cool?" Yeah, I'm sure her boyfriend will love it.
How was I that dumb? Dunno, bro. I still love the chick I married. Sadly, that's not who she is today.
BTW, she also paid for her lawyer by using money set aside to pay taxes on the house. All this not a year after we redid our vows in Vegas and bought new rings (that she still has for some reason)
Yup, my sweet wife.

Anyway, all I can say is once the decision is made (before wouldn't hurt either), lock her out of everything you can imagine. Don't rely on common sense to guide her. My old lady blatantly violated the divorce paperwork when
1) it suited her purpose
2) she thought she could get away with it.

Now she's playing like she likes me again. Since I didn't want to get the cops involved I didn't rat her out for the credit card (she already paid the money back). I would be nice too I guess.

It's amazing how low they will sink and how fast. I've been completely taken advantage of because I keep looking at her and seeing the woman I married and had a family with. I have a much higher notion of her in my head than she's willing to live up to. She's lying, cheating, manipulative, a damn thief, egotistical beyond belief, and generally trying hard to achieve trailer park trash status (but with a nicer place).
but it's because I opened myself for it that she's been able to burn me.
Just remember she's not your friend anymore. If she was you'd still be happily married.
 
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