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SBN's bad luck charm
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Okay, need to vent here a little bit....

You all may remember my recent split with a long-time (and only, sadly) girlfriend. Well, that sucks enough, but what happened this past Friday is strange...

Whilst out at the local pub with a couple of good friends, Sully and Mack, mourning the end of the relationship, I happen upon a comely blonde named Alice. Alice is 'round about 42 years old. I know, I know, a little older but hey, she was stacked and she just looked damned good to me. Anyways, I walk up, make an introduction, and we hit it off famously. She compliments me on my looks, attire, personality, blah, blah, blah...

We dance, we drink, we laugh, in general have a bang-up time. A few risque touches on both ends here and there and the sexual tension builds to a fever pitch. Alice tells her two friends (I didn't get their names) that they shouldn't wait up for her, she's taking me home. Now, I know what you're thinking because I immediately thought the same thing: JACKPOT!! We have a winnah!! Chauncey, come on down!!

Well, closing time comes around and she grabs my arm and says, "Come on, lil hottie, you're coming with me." Sully grins from ear-to-ear and wishes me luck. Luck be a lady, indeed...

We get back to her place and share a few more laughs. By this time, the innuendos are running rampant and the clothes are getting looser. She stops me for a moment and heads to the bathroom. She comes out and what happens?

ALL action stops, IMMEDIATELY. No bullshit, she turns to stone almost magically. Then what happened, you ask?

She puts in LORD OF THE RINGS!!!! LORD OF THE FUCKING RINGS!! WTF?!!

She's going on and on about the cinematography, editing, sounds, blah blah fucking blah. I stand up and ask her, "You're fucking kidding me, right? Alice, I didn't come back here to watch some stupid fucking movie about stupid fucking midgets or dragons or goblins or whatever."

Her response? "Really? What did you come back here for then? I'm not a one-night-stand kinda woman, y'know." I laughed my ass off, while getting dressed. I asked her, "What was all that shit at the bar and why did you bring me back here then?"

Incredulously, she says, "I just wanted someone to watch this movie with, that's all. You seemed like a cool guy." All the while wearing an expression on her face of complete shock.

Now, I know better than to believe that bullshit when I hear it. She's 42 fucking years old!! Please, bitch!! Try that shit on some dumbass 17 year old who doesn't know any better, not on me. She then said something to the effect of, "Don't go, I was serious! I just wanted to watch a movie!!" or some bullshit like that. I wasn't listening, I couldn't really, because I was laughing too hard.

WARNING: Very coarse and possibly misogynistic language ahead.

Rant on..

Why won't women just come out and fucking tell me what they want, be it a relationship or sex? Huh? IS IT THAT GODDAMNED HARD??!! Jesus H. Christ on a crutch!! First my crazy fucking ex-girlfriend, and now this stupid, vapid bitch. I'm serious, I think I'm starting to really fucking hate fucking women. Fucking waste of fucking time. Fucking stupid, hypocritical bitches waste my fucking time and effort. Why?!! To play some childish game, to prove a point?!! WHAT THE FUCK?!! Yes, I'm just a tad pissed and frustrated at this point, and yes, I know this doesn't apply to EVERY woman out there, but from what I've seen, it applies to about 98% of them. Fucking wastes of fucking skin sometimes, FUCK!!

Rant off...

Note: The above rant IS NOT aimed at all the wonderful ladies here at SBN. You all kick incomprehensible amounts of ass!! :cheers

Anyways, like the title said, did I miss something? Or was it simply a case of being :urowned ?
 

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Talk about a test if I've ever seen one holy shit. Hell I'm laughing my ass off now too. You should have stayed to watch the movie, afterwards the clothes would have come off.
 

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SBN's bad luck charm
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Discussion Starter #4
ASCI_Blue said:
Talk about a test if I've ever seen one holy shit. Hell I'm laughing my ass off now too. You should have stayed to watch the movie, afterwards the clothes would have come off.
You know, I figured if the sex would've happened, it would've happened as soon as, or within the first hour of, being back at her place.
 

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Maybe movies get her off. :dunno
What ever it was, I'd say she's a few fries short :nuts
 

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I'm sorry dude, i don't mean to laugh...but that F'in hilarious :lao :lao
 

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Chauncey said:
You know, I figured if the sex would've happened, it would've happened as soon as, or within the first hour of, being back at her place.

If she was in her 20's it would have.
 

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You should have thrown a napkin over your dick tied a string around it to make a cape shape and said "Look it's Frodo, Lord of the Cawk Ring."
 

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SBN's bad luck charm
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Discussion Starter #9
Rascus said:
I'm sorry dude, i don't mean to laugh...but that F'in hilarious :lao :lao
No, it's okay, laugh it up dude! Hell, I'm laughing too, in retrospect. At the time, and even to an extent now, it infuriated me.

I thought that women in their late 30's/early 40's were s'posed to be hitting their sexual stride, like guys in their late teens/early twenties? I've never had a woman older than thirty and was curious as to see if what Smokey from Friday said, "The older the berry, the sweeter the juice" was true.

Ah well..
 

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SBN's bad luck charm
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Discussion Starter #10
kazlab67 said:
You should have thrown a napkin over your dick tied a string around it to make a cape shape and said "Look it's Frodo, Lord of the Cawk Ring."

:lao :eek:nfloor
 

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That was a good one Kaz :lol
 

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kazlab67 said:
You should have thrown a napkin over your dick tied a string around it to make a cape shape and said "Look it's Frodo, Lord of the Cawk Ring."
Aw dayum! I'm LMAO over here!! :lao :lao :lao
 

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kazlab67 said:
You should have thrown a napkin over your dick tied a string around it to make a cape shape and said "Look it's Frodo, Lord of the Cawk Ring."
:eek:nfloor :lao :eek:nfloor
Frodo wants a kiss!
 

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Was it The Return of The King? Cuz you know, I haven't seen that one, and that could've played into my decision..

Really, I think I would've sat down and watched the damn movie with her. Nuzzled her ear, run a finger or two over her shoulder, run my hand up her leg, up up up... If she swats me off then I leave. Otherwise, well, it may have been a test and you just missed out on a chance to see what Frodo and his undersized clan could have helped get for you.

Either way, I have to agree she was a fork and a spoon short of a silverware set.
 

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kazlab67 said:
You should have thrown a napkin over your dick tied a string around it to make a cape shape and said "Look it's Frodo, Lord of the Cawk Ring."


:eek:nfloor :eek:nfloor

My gut hurts.
 

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kazlab67 said:
You should have thrown a napkin over your dick tied a string around it to make a cape shape and said "Look it's Frodo, Lord of the Cawk Ring."

Fuck dude I'm gonna have to remember that..shit that gives me an idea for a LoTR date!!! :lao :lao
 

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:eek:nfloor
ASCI_Blue said:
Fuck dude I'm gonna have to remember that..shit that gives me an idea for a LoTR date!!! :lao :lao
:eek:nfloor

You said she was fine and im sure she must have been an amzaing 42 year old blond but at the same time she ALONE at 42 my first thought would have been damn she fine.. then my next thought would have been ok a women this fine alone...WHY? cuckoo bitch?...
 

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SBN's bad luck charm
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Discussion Starter #19
4real said:
:eek:nfloor :eek:nfloor

You said she was fine and im sure she must have been an amzaing 42 year old blond but at the same time she ALONE at 42 my first thought would have been damn she fine.. then my next thought would have been ok a women this fine alone...WHY? cuckoo bitch?...

I think another clue as to her insanity was the fact that she had 5 cats. No shit.
 

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Holy shit...that is the funny thing have have heard all week. I'm sorry things didn't work out...older chicks rock.
 
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