if the women you are seeing is a flexible giver, treats you right, respects you, remembers the tiny things that make you happy, keeps her promises to you, and etc, it will make you want to treat her kids as your own. if not, and you stay, it is waaayyy worse than staying with a girl you are just not happy with, something i have been doing.

 

I've never seen it turn out well in the long term. Myself included.

 

well, I'm one of the women with a kid and have a guy who is with me. I have a 12 year girl. I have been dating Joe for 5 years now, my daughter didn't meet Joe for the first 6 months or so. Until I was sure I was going to want to be with him, I didn't want to chance confusing her.

Anyway, in 5 years time, he cares a lot about her. We have no children and I can't have any more, in our lifestyle, I'm not sure children would work for us anyway, so he does things for her that he would do for his daughter if he has a biological one. Yes, I think he loves her.

 

It will work if the 4 of you want it to...no other way

 

Hmm, you are in the same boat that I was in. My fiance has two kids, one from rape and the other from her ex of 4 years. They are 2 and 7. It has been interesting and kids keep you on your toes. I love them as much as they are my own and we just found out #3 is on the way. Of course we find out right before I was gonna propose. I am very excited since it will be a kid of my own to take care of.
We all live together now and it is working out really nice. The oldest doesn't have a real dad, so the youngest one is the one that has the two dad thing. It can be rough when the kids go crazy and just remember never critique parenting skills or discipline the kids at first. (within reason) The hardest thing I had to deal with was the resistance from the relatives. And even if they object, they will come around when they realize you are happy.

I think with both her kids being young it might be rough on the kids. The four year old will probably not understand as well as my gf's 7 year old did. The biggest advice is to take you time to know the woman before getting involved with hanging out with her kids. Offer to pay for a baby sitter or what not and spend some quality time to know her sans kids because most women are a little different (stressed) when they have two kids running around. Also remember she will be more exhausted than a single woman and time is going to be more rare, so be careful to not get clingy.

My co-worker jokes all the time that it will be nice to have a "real" kid instead of just the two fake ones. I know I am going to spoil my own kid, but I think that is part of human nature. My best advice is to make sure you are commited before you start hanging out with the kids as "mommies boyfriend"
Remember 4 years olds only know about romance from disney movies. If she is worth it and you enjoy her company go for it.

 

My co-worker jokes all the time that it will be nice to have a "real" kid instead of just the two fake ones. I know I am going to spoil my own kid, but I think that is part of human nature.

You can love your own children way more. Just like among your own children you can have a favorite, but NEVER EVER EVER say it. Never admit it. It will fuck all of the children up something fierce (including your favorite). Just try to treat them all equally on the outside and it can work.

 

Thats a good thing your doing. Or thinking about doing. It's not easy but if the girl is worth it and the kids enjoy your company then go ahead man. You will share a special bond with these kids and give them something they need. A dad. And in the long run you'll be happy with what you did.
My son has a step dad and even though I'm part of my sons life he enjoys his step dads company. He's a good guy and doesn't over step his boundaries. It was tough at first but I was happy to see my ex finally settle down with one person.

 

What about a woman who has 2 girls? My current interest has a 14 and 16-year old. I have met them both. The 16-year-old is doing a ride-along with me at work on Friday night.

My mom married her last husband when I was 17 (Divorced him when I was 20). He and I are still best of friends. He taught me so much about hard work and I was the son he never had.

What I learned from having 3 dads (The real one and 2 step-dads) is that the real dad should always take priority in moral issues. You should be nothing more than an acquaintance with the child. Make sure they understand that you will be there for them, but you will in no way aide or abet any activity that is questionable by the parents standards.

 

I believe its easier to bond with younger kids than older.

How could you not like and want to be around a 2 yo and a 4 yo cause they think you are a God at that age?

You treat that womans kids right and she will treat you right.

But, only you know what you are comfortable with at this stage in life.

Everyone has some sort of baggage - it just comes in different forms.

 

Yeah, if having kids is the worst baggage, you will fair well.

 

Wow - a good thread here.

I don't know quite how you will feel about non-biological/biological love, but like everything in parenting, its a an unknown adventure. If you are the type of person who just loves kids and being a parent, then I see no reason to worry about it. You give what you can to your gf's kids and feel good knowing you've got a part in a young person's life.

The only thing really to consider is whether this is a need/desperation relationship. Its a VERY hard task being single mom, and very often guys fall into the relationship because of how accommodating a needy mom can be (at first). If that's the case, then its a disservice to the kids to be in their lives in any major way should the relationship fail. At the age of your gf's daughters, however, I think it less likely they will remember you if this is only a short term deal.

I've heard its sometimes hard for kids to accept the new BF or step-parent, and being the product of divorce I can say that I have a stronger bond with my biological parents even though I have not lived with them for large parts of my childhood. Nothing wrong with the steparents at all, but given a choice I would prefer to look to my biological parents for guidance, while still giving due respect to the step's.

I'm a recently single Dad and have dated both single moms and women without kids. From my perspective, I find it easier to to be with women with kids but I've also learned how hard it must be to be a single mom. I really like that I share the same life as another single parent, and I worry about the topic you bring up here every time I introduce another girl to my kids. FWIW, I don't usually make any mention of someone I'm dating for at least 6 months to my kids. We have yet to live with anyone I'm dating, or to have them stay overnight - I have to be really sure its a long term deal before that would happen. But even hanging out with other single parents on weekends and having our kids play together has created a connection that I think will be missed if its lost - mostly I worry about my kids getting hurt in a failed future relationship. My $.02.

 

I personally haven't gone through this. My brother has though. He dated a woman who already had a 2 year old son. My brother was the only dad he has ever known. Eventually my brother and his Girlfriend had their own child together as well. Later on they split up though. My brother still takes both kids on the weekends though. He coaches both their soccer teams. We treat both kids as equally as we can. Even though he's not really my brothers kid we all treat him like he is. In our minds he's just another member of the family. He's my nephew and I will always love the little guy. We really bonded. I bought him his first gun and taught him how to shoot, they love to come over and play video games with me, and they mean the world to me. I love them both.

Brandon

 

good thing about a woman with kidz: she usually gets a FAT child support check every month to spend on you and your bikes.

 

good thing about a woman with kidz: she usually gets a FAT child support check every month to spend on you and your bikes.

assuming the father is not a deadbeat. However, if that's the reason for staying with the woman, you need to re-examine your priorities.

 

dammit, i am tha Fat paycheck.

 

lol

 

Vaginamoney is like making payments on a car that doesn't run. Seriously, child support is one thing, and even THAT is a crime when the ex is banking tall dollar from her new guy. Seems not too many women have an issue with the taking after the fact, though...even when they don't need it.

 

i guess its just the reality, these women do it because they can... glad i know that i will not marry my current gf, OMFG if i did and i want to divorce her it'd be a pain in the ass. she sometimes wants me to cum inside her, even tho she claims she's on the pill, i always wear condom. no fucking way do i want her to get pregnant and legally blackmail me for child support.

 

i guess its just the reality, these women do it because they can... glad i know that i will not marry my current gf, OMFG if i did and i want to divorce her it'd be a pain in the ass. she sometimes wants me to cum inside her, even tho she claims she's on the pill, i always wear condom. no fucking way do i want her to get pregnant and legally blackmail me for child support.

Smart guy...and don't forget: PIITB!!!

 

I have seen some guys who are with girls who have kids from previous relationships and these guys take care of those kids as if they were their own.I have met a really nice girl with two small daughters (one 4 and one 2) and while i really like them i find myself wondering would i be able to deal with all that responsibility of having to take care of someone else's kids as if they were my own.
How many of you here have done this? Also if you had you OWN kids with this person later on did you ever feel like you loved your own flesh and blood more than the ones the girl had from the past?

The only reason I will never do it again is because it was harder to leave the child than it was to leave the woman when we broke up (she was bored).

Edit: you also need to be careful, in some states you can be required to pay child support if you live together (and she can prove it) for a set amount of time- even though they may not be your children, or even if you never married her.

 

PIITB and run like a mongoose.

 

The only advice I can give you that differs from the advice on this post is that you gotta remember that you will always be the #3 person in her life. It sucks, but when you really think about it, she should be the #3 person in your life too, cause those two girls should be #1 & 2

That was the hardest thing for me to learn.

 

You're gonna get what's leftover after the kids are done with her. AKA get used to her being tired, emotional, and broke.

 

The only advice I can give you that differs from the advice on this post is that you gotta remember that you will always be the #3 person in her life. It sucks, but when you really think about it, she should be the #3 person in your life too, cause those two girls should be #1 & 2

That was the hardest thing for me to learn.

I disagree with that statement COMPLETELY. The best thing for any child is a stable homelife. That centers around the hapiness of the mother and father. Your spouse should ALWAYS come first. That is what is best for the kids in the long run, because that will be the most condusive to a loving marriage, and therefor a stable homelife.

My story, I married a woman with twins. She got pregnant right out of high school. Never married the father. Basically, her parent raised the kids. She still lived with them untill just before we got married. We dated for a while, and we really liked eachother. At some point, I decided I did not want the kids, and she knew it. We should have broke it off at that point, but we didn't. We were just enjoying eachother. I got her pregnant, after which we got married. The kids were about 6 at this time. It just would not work with me and her kids. After about a year and a half, she sent them to live with her parents (who raised them, after all). That would have been ok, except that dad then got out of college, took them to court for custody, and he got it. The court case is still going on, being apealed and such.

We have been married five years now, and it has been hell. There is a lot she did to me during this time, and a lot I did to her (main thing being the story above). We have just now forgiven eachother, and are starting to get our marriage on track. We actually feel we love eachother now. I can't remember the last time we had that feeling.

I say that to say this: be careful. If you do not KNOW that you want her kids, stay far away. For a while, I thought I would want hers. I should have left when I realized I didn't. She should have dumped me when she knew that I didn't. Don't make a mistake that will make your life miserable. Some people do it and are happy. Make sure you are one of those people or stay out of her life completely.

 

Ok the straight answer is that initially the responsibility is not ALL yours. To begin with it is ALL mums and their dads if he still has anything to do with the children. I am a parted dad but I still have responsibility for my children along with mum.

The relationship with the children develops as the relationship with their mum develops but these children are never your responsibility alone.

My girlfriends brother lives with his girlfriend and her four children and his two children and they all get on wonderfully, you would think they were all each others brother and sister.

It can and does work but it needs work and long discussions with your girlfriend as to what part she wants you to play in raising the children.

 

Just treat and love them as if they were your own.