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Combat Marshmellow
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NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR

CONTENTS, CLASS SIZE WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays. Step-by-step,
with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for
2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2: The Toilet Paper Roll. Does it Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday
at 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3: Is It Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting
the Seat and Avoiding the Floor/Walls and
Nearby Bathtub? Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours .
(Note: this class meets at Irish's Brew Pub on 16th Street)

Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper
and the Floor. Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meeting are Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5: After Dinner Dishes. Can They Levitate and Fly Into
the Kitchen Sink? Video
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday
for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6: Loss of Identity - Losing the Remote to Your
Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4
Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.

Class 7: Learning How to Find Things - Starting with looking
in the right places instead of turning the house upside
down while screaming.
Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours

Class 8: Health Watch - Bringing her flowers is
not harmful to your health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes Three nights; Monday,
Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9: Real Men ask for Directions When Lost.
Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Class 10: Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly
while she parallel parks?
Driving Simulations. 4 weeks,
Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11: Learning to Live - Basic Differences Between
Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing

Class 12: How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion.
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing
techniques. Proper techniques for holding her purse.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2
hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering Birthdays,
Anniversaries and Other Important Dates
and Calling When You're Going to be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full
Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday
at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14: The Stove/Oven - What it is and How it is Used.
Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM,
location to be determined
 

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By the time the Lord made woman, he was into his sixth day of
>working overtime...
>
>An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on
>this one?"
>
>And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has
>to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable
>parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
>have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that
>can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart, and she
>will do everything with only two hands."
>
>The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!? No
>way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for
>one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."
>
>But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this
>creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself
>when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."
>
>The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her
>so soft, Lord."
>
>"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You
>have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
>
>"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.
>
>The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be
>able to reason and negotiate."
>
>The angel then noticed something, reaching out, touched the woman's
>cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told
>you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
>
>"That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!"
>
>"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
>
>The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her
>sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, loneliness, her
>grief and her pride."
>
>The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of
>everything! Woman is truly amazing."
>
>
>
>And she is!
>
>Women have strengths that amaze men.
>They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness,
>love and joy.
>They smile when they want to scream.
>They sing when they want to cry.
>They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
>They fight for what they believe in.
>They stand up to injustice.
>They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a
>better solution.
>They go without so their family can have.
>They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
>They love unconditionally.
>They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get
>awards.
>They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
>Their hearts break when a friend dies.
>They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when
>they think there is no strength left.
>They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
>Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
>They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they
>care about you.
>The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
>They bring joy, hope and love.
>They have compassion and ideals.
>They give moral support to their family and friends.
>Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
>HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
>IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
 
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