Oh man yer gunna ruin a perfectly good pig!!
You want good pig ya gotta do it
HAWAIIAN Style. Doin it out in the open or on a spit will ruin the thing, do like the natives do and dig a big ass hole. Put a layer of grey rocks about bowling ball size on the bottom. Dump a huge amount of hardwood in the hole. Dump more rocks in hole on top of the wood. Set the wood on fire.
Now go work on the lil porker, rub Hawaiian Sea Salt all over the outside of the pig after you shave all the hair off it. Get some coconut milk and mix the sea salt into it and liberally soak the pig with it.
Got some Bananna trees handy? You need to wrap the pig in Bananna leaves reall good. Several layers of them will do.
Kick back drink several beers or do like the Hawaiians did and chew on some Ava Root. Shit will kick your ass right into the 60's. You'll see God. And lots of other fun things. It will keep you completely messed up for about 18 hours. You won't sleep but you'll be so wasted you will be lucky if you can stand up.
Once the big ass fire has birned down leaving a mass of coals and red hot rocks put a bunch of Bananna leaves on top of the rocks, put the pig on the leaves. Put more leaves on top of the pig. Then put all the red hot rocks that you pulled out of the pit and put them on top of the Bananna leave covered pig. Got lots of red hot rocks on it? Good. Now fill the hole up with dirt. Chew some more Ava Root or swill beer and swim and drool the rest of the day. At sundown start digging the hole out. When you get to the rocks they'll be kinda hot so don't grab em with your hands. Use someone elses hands for that.
When you get the rocks out and hit the brown burned leaves take them out, you'll see that as you pull them out some are still green. Thats a good sign. Grab the bundle that the pig is wrapped in and toss it up on to the ground or a handy table. Unwrap the critter. Be prepared to sample the most tasty pork you ever ate. You just made Kalua Pig, the old fashioned way. Hawaiian Style! Serve it with some long rice and Taro and you'll see why most real Hawaiians were so "large" in size.... They really know how to cook. The weirdest sounding way burying it in the ground with hot rocks but trust me its the most tasty thing I'be ever ate. It takes a lot of work and time but it's worth it!