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Valiant Poultry
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A young boy and his grandpa are out fishing. The grandpa pulls out a cigar and starts to smoke it. The boy looks at him and says, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar??"

The old man looks at the boy and says, "Can your dick touch your ass hole yet??"

The boy, with a bit of shock on his face, says, "No, it can't..."

The grandpa then says "Then you're not old enough to smoke..."

A little while longer passes, and the old man cracks open a case of beer and starts drinking one.

The little boy, once again, looks at him and says, "Grandpa, can I have a beer??"

The old man replies, once again, "Can your dick touch your ass hole??"

And again, the little boy says, "No, it can't."

Grandpa says rather harshly, "Then you're too young to drink."

A little while later, the boy opens his lunch bag and pulls out some Oreo cookies and starts eating them.

The old man looks at the boy and says, "Say, can I have one of those??"

The boy looks and asks, "Can your dick touch your ass hole?"

The grandpa looks proudly and says, "Why YES, it most certainly can!!"

The boy looks back at him and says "Then go fuck yourself grandpa, these are my cookies."
 

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dood takes his wife to the doctor...

the doc says, "well, it's either alzheimers disease or AIDS."

"what do you mean?" the guy says, "you can't tell the difference?"

"yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages...tell you what...drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
 

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what is the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?

you can't fit a sorority girl inside a bowling ball.
 

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john receives a phone call. "hello," he answers. the voice on the other end says, "this is susan. we met at a party about 3 months ago."

john says, "hmm...susan? 3 months ago?"

"yes," susan tells him, "it was at bill's house. after the party you took me home. on the way we parked and got into the back seat, you told me I was a good sport."

"oh, yeah! susan! how are you?" john asks.

"i'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."

"say...you ARE a good sport!"
 

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what smells like shit, is green, and swings from my front porch?



my dead knee-grow and i'll paint him whatever color i want.
 

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keep it alive people!


how do you keep mezicans out of your backyard?



hang a dead one in the front.
 

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LOL long time since I heard that one.
 

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a fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide. one day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing.

"yes, but you know how I love to fish..."

"but aren't you newlyweds supposed to be into something else?"

"yes, but she's got gonorrhea; and you know how I love to fish"

A few hours later, "i understand, but that's not the only way to have sex."

"i know, but she's got diarrhea; and you know how I love to fish..."

the following day: "sure, but that's still not the only way to have sex."

"yeah, but she's got phyrrea (mouth rot); and you know how I love to fish..."

late that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated: "i guess I'm not sure why you'd marry someone with health problems like that."

"it's 'cause she's also got worms; and you know I love to fish..."
 
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