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Copied from an email...

THE 2004 DARWIN AWARDS

Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual honour given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

And the nominees this year in reverse order are.....

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was aproximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward. (Damn it...I want pictures!!!)

5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreakage with their pants around their ankles.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County polic e said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

AND THE WINNER OF THE 2004 DARWIN AWARD SHOULD BE....

Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the b all washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to le ave the course. NOTE: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.
 

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Hard to imagine some of those to be true. Like buddy puking in the fireplace and it blowing up? Gasoline mixed with milk and stomach acid, I'm very sure is not flamable any more.
 

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The irritating thing about the darwin awards email is that it's the same damn list since about 2000 or earlier. They just keep changing the year on the list. Oh, gasoline is flammable no matter what!
 

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The gasoline, being petroleum based, probably didn't mix with the milk or stomach contents and therefore remained intact, floating on top of the stomach contents.
Talk about heartburn.....
 

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TACOMA: Motorcyclist loses control, dies in guardrail crash

Stacey Mulick; The News Tribune

A Tacoma man was killed Sunday afternoon when his motorcycle crashed into a guardrail on Meridian Avenue East near Kapowsin, the Washington State Patrol reported.

Witnesses reported seeing Michael Dumas, 27, heading north on Meridian with his feet on his handlebars just before 5 p.m., troopers said. He apparently lost control of his motorcycle just south of the Kapowsin Highway, also known as 304th Street East.

Dumas veered to the right, hit the guardrail and was thrown from the motorcycle. The bike careened off the guardrail, slid 200 feet and stopped in the southbound lane, troopers reported.

Dumas died at the scene. The investigation was continuing.

Stacey Mulick, The News Tribune
 

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TheSollyLama said:
The gasoline, being petroleum based, probably didn't mix with the milk or stomach contents and therefore remained intact, floating on top of the stomach contents.
Talk about heartburn.....

Acid breaks down oil and oil is the base of fuel...


but I bet he didn't have it in his stomach long enough and prob didnt have enough acid to break down the amount of fuel anyways
 

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building was evacuated, two technicians go INSIDE and "witnesses" report one of them reaching for a lighter???? Now how did these witnesses see this?
 

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Even if this is fake.

For someone to think up something like the hose up the butt and gasmask is just sick.

Funny,but sick.
 

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that last one was hilarious...
 
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