Sport Bikes banner
1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
207 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, so my friend on the R6 forum made this post about “9 Types of Women” so we got to talking & in return they asked if I would create a “9 Types of Men” ( I ended up making 12 types) out of good fun I did and I thought I would share what I wrote with ya’ll for some laughs & smiles.
(Please see Off Topic for 9 Types of Women)

12 TYPES OF MEN (BOYS)

1. Daddy's Rich Kid: Most douche bags fall into this definition. Expensive dicks can be recognized by the following - expensive car, $500 cell phone, designer jeans, hair style, and tight shirts with foreign names on them.

Advantages: He'll buy you things with his dads $$$, hold your hand everywhere you go & he can talk clothes & hair styles with you. If you are lucky you can drive the car daddy pays for too!

Disadvantages: You are only arm candy, he is a boy & not a man... will never go out and make his own money, expects expensive things and handouts.

2. Cheap Dick: Very common. Not to be mistaken for poor good guy. Usually comes in the form of a club rat, who will not go away no matter what you do. Probably bought you one drink and expects that to be his ticket to ride. Cheap dick can be recognized by the following - he may pay for dinner at a bargain food chain of his choice, calls every day, wants it constantly for nothing, easily hurt, not willing to progress in life without help. Never attempts to go out of his way to surpirse you. Probably lives with mom.

Advantages: Guaranteed, attempts to be loving (but he's doing it all wrong) has clean clothes because mom takes care of him.

Disadvantages: Won't go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can keep you from the tasks of finding other dudes and progressing, will eventually want to get married and/or have children soon just so he can get out of his moms house and mooch off you. Often not worth it.

3. Hired man candy: Found in gay clubs, expensive clubs & call now ads. Recognized by nice clothes and come-hither looks. Expense varies greatly with the quality. The difference between Hired man candy and Daddy's Rich Kid is that the money is up-front and at least this guy makes his own.

Advantages: You don't have to stick around, won't tell your boyfriend (might even like him), doesn't care who you are or what you look like, often very experienced, usually more manly than Rich Kid.

Disadvantages: Cost you money instead of free Cheap Dick in the long run, risk of disease is high, it's illegal in most areas and the risk of jail time is high. Often not worth it.

4. Virgin Dick: This type is extremely rare unless you are into 14 year olds. Recognized by conservative clothes, good manners, and a marked distaste for dirty jokes and porno movies. Can be very loving if you promise marriage, but will cause you more problems as you go along. Frustration level is high as Virgin dick tends to want to stay that way for some unknown reason.

Advantages: Risk of disease is very low, guaranteed to love you if you get to meet his memeber, sometimes open to new experience, will often offer "other" services if Virginity is to be maintained but don't count on those services to be good.

Disadvantages: Usually will not give in until marriage, if they do they will become very obsessed with you, will likely cause lame first time upon use, not very imaginative, not usually good with condoms which can cause "accidents," can only be used once. Usually not worth it unless you're into that sort of thing.

5. Nympho Dick: Very Common. Recognized by the tendency to drag you by your tits into bed and going at it to the point of exhaustion. Very experienced, will teach you things you never knew. Expense varies depending on level of Nymphomania.

Advantages: Will send you into la-la land, will try anything once.

Disadvantages: You are probably not the only one by FAR, thus disease risk can be VERY high, will tire you out and may ask for more, can be unstable, will not give a steady relationship. Often not worth it.

6. Bad Boy: True bad boys are rare. Bad boys recognized by charm, good looks, manners and that side of him you just can't figure out. You'll spend all your time trying to "tame" him and he'll let you in just enough to make you think you have a handle on him. Any expense/time involved is simply wasted (unless you are into real frustration). Great liar even better faker.

Advantages: There are no advantages besides possibly good sex and temporary arm candy for yourself.

Disadvantages: Too many to list here. Best to stay away once recognized. Never worth it in long run. Breaks your heart & had 3524654 other girls at the same time as you.

7. Wanna-Be Bad Boy: Common. Decent looking on occasion, into everything that's popular, talk about fighting but you've never seen it. Wear Tap Out shirts & bandanas. Attempt to treat you with disrespect and play the field. Constantly get shot down by decent women. Often confused because they are trying too hard to be cool. Teddy Bears when you are alone and they open up. Next day they try and get their man card back by ignoring you or doing something to prove to their buddies they are not whooped.

Advantages: Make a good temp boyfriend if you need a re-bound. They will do nice things for you here and there, they usually have enough ambition they usually live with room mates and not at home.

Disadvantages: Childish, play games because they themselves are confused, protective in all the wrong ways, not very fun in bed.


8. Innocent Nympho Dick: VERY Rare. Recognized by being in a quiet, handsome, innocent package which you would never in a million years think would give in (almost mistaken for virgin territory), but when it does, you are in for a hell of a surprise. What a man!

Advantages: The surprise is blissful. Disease is low because he likes his penis too much to stick it anywhere. Always worth it for a change or new boyfriend. Keep it if you can.

Disadvantages: May or may not be faithful in the long run

8. Party Dick: Found at bars and at parties. Recognized by two beers in hand and bloodshot eyes & talks really loud. Will engage in group festivities while completely ripped. You'll want to make sure you are ripped as he is to enjoy the experience because he will be so pathetic in bed if you are sober.

Advantages: Easy to obtain - this guy will nail anything. Great for girls who can't get any in the day light.

Disadvantages: Disease risk is HIGH, will not remain faithful, the Support System may tend to puke all over you. Often not worth it.

9.Nutsy/Psycho Dick: You hung out once, he fell for you and you just want to be friends... maybe he talks you into formally dating (BIG mistake) he'll stalk you, allow you NO contact with anything that has a penis, hates your parents, clingy and aggressive.

Advantage: None. You should have "Lemon Lawed" him on the first meeting or had your friend bail you out with an ER phone call!

Disadvantages: Too many to list. Warning: May commit suicide if you break his heart, may kill you instead or someone else.

10.Nice guy: Recognized by nice apparel, clean cut (usually), opens doors & wants to meet your parents. Calm, gently, in-touch with life & you. Loves to give massages whether it leads to loving or not. Cooks, cleans and carries things for you. Not to be mistaken for dream man. Takes his time in bed and does his best to love you.

Advantages: Good boyfriend material, possibly husband if you can stay faithful yourself. You'll feel secure with him and comfortable.

Disadvantages: Gets boring after sometime, too nice becomes his flaw, usually not very attractive.

11. Just a Guy: Typical across the board, looks like every other typical guy, find him at a sports bar, same lame pick-up lines, same shoes & hat. Loves sports, loves beer, loves steak & women. Doing the basics in life, nothing more, nothing less. He is considered the norm.

Advantages: Common, easily replaced, good boyfriend - standard package.

Disadvantage: May or may not be faithful, nothing special, just a dude.


12. Dream Dick: Wow, I mean wow... take the best of ALL your fantasies and swirl them into this dream dick-cicle!

Good looking, great attire, can cook & helps clean! Has an education, ambition & loves family! He'll knock nails through wood to build you a dream and he'd lift the weight of the world to prove his devotion. Healthy, great bod for life, perfect smile & morals. Enjoys nice things, drives a nice car, has great hobbies & friends. Knock your sock off making love & foreplay never fades with this guy! You'll never fear straying, for there is nothing better than this guys love & attention.

Don't get too comfortable though, just when you think he is too nice he'll throw you a curve ball just to keep it real and let you know he is a man and he loves you but he is not your pet. Keeps you on your toes.

Faithful as Jesus and tells you everything you want to hear because it's how he truly feels. Wants children someday - but to start off he wants to travel and spend time being with you and building a solid foundation first.

Wonderful skin & well kept. Works hard at everything he does, works even harder at keeping things on the up & up as a couple. Loves flaunting you to his friends & in public places. Loves surprising you.

Advantages: EVERYTHING! This one is PERFECT & the only kind of man you should settle for. Period.

Disadvantages: WAKE UP - THis is only a dream, men like this do not exist. Bwhahahahahaaaa.... please select from the above options and proceed with your life.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
45,772 Posts
:lao

That was awesome. I wish I could have gone out with you on some of your research missions. :D
 

·
center of an asian pop
Joined
·
3,480 Posts
:lao that is funny...i'm going to forward it to the SO...i doubt he'd appreciate it :p
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
144 Posts
Pretty good list! Keep in mind guys can be combinations of these 12 types and contrary to popular beleif, gus can and do change, although rarely for the better, but not far from original. I, for instance, used to be #12 (YES, almost completely to the description) but 12 years of marriage and 41 years of life has taken the edges off that and consider myself Half #8(first #8), Half #10.

BTW, "Hello, World" to you too acalliste.
 

·
After Me Lucky Charms
Joined
·
5,281 Posts
I guess I would rate myself #8 (innocent nympho), although...The disadvantage...I have NEVER cheated on any woman. I have references even. :D

*EDIT* You have 2 #8's. Innocent nympho and party
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
45,772 Posts
Sure does. It shows her sense of humor and creativity. Rather than bitching about the woman's version, she played along and wrote the guy's version.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,406 Posts
that was supposed to funny? didnt see the female one but im sure its equally cliche and utterly uninsightful.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
45,772 Posts
Well not everyone has your highly refined sense of humor, ped. I realize that it must be painful for you to have to deal with inferior forms of comedy and entertainment in your travels on the net. My thoughts and prayers are with you.














:neener
 

·
Are we not men?
Joined
·
9,030 Posts
There are two #8's.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
207 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
It was all in good fun, my buddy did not mean every word of his and I just tried to parallel his for a good laugh.

Even the "dream guy" is definately not my type and of course there are guys & girls that don't fit those guidelines and create their own- it was just generic and made up cause my buddy asked for a response.... it's all in good fun, did not mean to offend. Gosh.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,734 Posts
The omission of the mawnkie type has me very offended. I think I'll go hang by my tail now. :(
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Top