Well, I got pinged. Kinda a nasty ping. I have really seriously contemplated whether or not to post, because it has taken quite a bit out of me to be able to type something without having to get up and run to the bathroom. Not to mention I said I would try to keep my personal bullshit off the board. *looks at Tammy and sighs* Ok, here goes....
On Nov 9 I had surgery. Breast reduction to be exact, because my bazookas were just too bloody big and no matter what I did to try to get them to shrink, nothing was working. Not to mention that they were wreaking havoc on my spine, because I'm such a short little shit my frame couldn't take it. Big boobs run in the family, on my mothers' side. My aunt, my mother, and my cousin all had to have it done for health reasons, and now it was my turn. So in I went, and they hacked me open from side to side. I wake up in the recovery room, and about 2 hours later the surgeon comes in and tells me he removed a lump out of the left one; about the size of a ping pong ball. He said he was sending it in to get tested, just to be sure, and would have the results in 2 weeks. Well, that sat in my mind right from there on in.
2 weeks went, and I called the office to confirm my appointment for the next day. Next day it snowed so bloody bad that I couldn't get out of my driveway, so I called back and cancelled that appointment. As the secretary was scheduling me for the next week, the surgeon said he needed to see me NOW. I ended up going in the next day.
Sitting in the waiting room seemed like forever. I went in, and then he came in shortly afterwards and sat down with this weird expression. He then told me that the lump he had removed had tested positive for cancer. He said that the rst of the tissue was being tested as well, and he would know in another couple of weeks if it had hit that too. He said that he feels he got it all, but he can't be certain until that test comes back.
My grandmother died from breast cancer. They did a lumpectomy and removed the one breast, then it showed up in the other about a month later, and it took her out. Her grandmother had it, so it seems to skip a generation. Lucky me. So um, yeah, I'm pretty shaken up about it all. Scared shitless would probably come closer. I know that research has come a long way, but it still scares the shit out of me. I mean, I'm trying to be optimistic about it, but there are times (like now) that I just feel...lost.
I held off mentioning anything to my parents because my dad has a bad ticker, and I didn't want something like this setting it off. So I told my Mum first. What really struck me was her response. Just 2 months ago she lost her dog to bone cancer. When she found out the dog had it, she was devastated. I tell her what had been told to me, and she tells me not to take it so hard. She lost her own mother to it, then her dog. With me it's like, 'Don't worry about it.' I dunno, maybe I'm just so far in a haze and taking it the wrong way. But yeah, now I'm dealing with that REAL BIG dose of life, in my face. So if I seem kinda quiet, that is why. Sorry girls, I don't want it to sound like I'm looking for attention or a sympathy trip...I'm just really, really lost.
-Official Member of the G-Town Squid Squad-
