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I think my gf has an eating disorder...
It all started out with her going on a month long business vacation (family business is located here and on the other side of the world). She gained a few (10-15lbs) and she looked great.
For reference she was 4'11 and 95 lbs before her trip.
I'm not a chubby chaser, but I don't like skinny girls either. I have never given her any grief about her weight and I've tried to make her feel good about the weight gain. I know that she is VERY conscious about her weight. I never call her fat, I complement her more than the average guy and I don't know what to do.
After she got back, she was very vocal (in a negative) about her weight. She she barely ate anything when I wasn't around. To give you an example she would have a salad and nothing else, or like yesterday, a banana, and a stuffed pretzel. She almost never eats breakfast, and does not have regular meals (3 meals a day). With the summer a few months away she declared that she wanted to go back to being 95lbs and that she would start running almost every night (which she has, unless she was staying with me, then she would complain about not being able to run)
Over the last two months noticed that whenever we went out to eat, she would immediately go to the bathroom after we were done eating. I thought nothing of it, since she does drink a lot of water / beverage during her meals.
One time as I was waiting for her by the exit, I overheard another girl walking out telling her friend that some girl was puking in the bathroom. I thought nothing of it...Then last night after we went out to eat and got home, I was really tired and drifted off to sleep. For some reason I woke up a few minutes into my sleep and noticed that my girlfriend was in the bathroom downstairs. I went into the kitchen to get some water and then I heard it. She was puking.
We didn't drink alcohol, and we both pretty much ate the same thing, and I wasn't sick to my stomach. I grabbed my water and headed back to bed. Few minutes later she came back upstairs. I didn't say anything (wanted to say if she would complain about her stomach, or puking or anything), but she acted like there was nothing wrong. She studied for a bit and then we went to bed.
I am friends with her girlfriends, but I'm afraid to "ambush" her by talking to them first, but at the same time, I don't know how to handle this situation.
Yikes! You've got your hands full if she's already at the up-chuck stage, she needs serious help. I would try talking to her again and let her know you love her regardless, but her health is going to be seriously compromised if she doesn't see a doctor soon about it. It won't take long for this to manifest into a bad habit, and a life-threatening one at that. If she doesn't listen to you, I'd then go to the closest girlfriend she has, and talk to her about it. I'm sure she will be more than accommodating at helping you help her. You care enough to be able to spot the signs and act on it. Bulimia is a nasty disorder right up there with anorexia. It's not going to be an easy feat getting her back in the normal swing of things. It's really sad to see so many girls fight with eating disorders due to the typical supermodel stereotype. Hats off to you in standing by her and wanting to be supportive. Keep us updated with this; I'm worried for her health and safety as well. Not sure if any of our other girls out there have battled this disease and could maybe give some insight into this to help out.
__________________ I didn't do it, you didn't see me do it, and you can't prove a thing!
I have dated a few girls who have had eating disorders, and from what I've found people with eating disorders can be very defensive. She does need professional help, and it might be easier to be confronted by her girlfriends (ie a female) rather than by you.
I wouldn't be concerned about going to her girlfriends about this; sure, she might get pissed at you, but wouldn't you rather her be pissed at you for trying to help her out rather than not doing anything at all to avoid conflict?
__________________
And I hear your voice say "My child, I will pick up the pieces."
I have never binged and purged, but I have stopped eating.
What I can say is that I got worse with stress. But life got less stressful after I ate and could think clearly.....weird, eh?
The next time she is in the bathroom and you hear her, call her out on it. Make her know that you know. That is your opportunity to be harsh on her. Tell her you love her and want her around, however this puking is unacceptable and go from there. Offer an intervention of sorts if you feel it is necessary. Laying in bed and not saying a word will not make her get better. If you do care for her, confront her. Stand your ground.
But I can also say that until she is able to like herself, she is always going to be fat in her own mind. At 5'6" I ran about 110#. I know, skinny. I would have panic attacks at 115 and when I hit 120 I went on serious fasts. But now I am at 132# and happy. Thanks to my husband who has helped me with my self esteem, I actually like the way I look. I don't see 'fat tammy' anymore. Now I see Healthy, Energetic, Not Cranky Tammy. Life is good now that my body has the fuel to burn through the day. Just remember, until she likes her reflection, there is only so much you can do. But also decide whether or not you want to live life listening to her yack in the restroom.
It's a tough position to be in. Kudos for noticing. I'll give you a standing ovation if you hold your ground. Good luck!!!
+1 on confronting her about it. I think that's a better approach. Who knows if the girlfriend of hers you choose to confide in might be the one who turned her on to it in the first place?
One thing is sure, something must be done quickly before her health is endangered.
+1 on confronting her about it. I think that's a better approach. Who knows if the girlfriend of hers you choose to confide in might be the one who turned her on to it in the first place?
One thing is sure, something must be done quickly before her health is endangered.
+1. I never thought about that...Either way, doing something is the right thing. Doing nothing will be disatrous for her, and mabye for your relationship as well.
__________________
And I hear your voice say "My child, I will pick up the pieces."
What sucks, she'll deny it. You guys will argue about it and she'll go back to doing it again. Good Luck
How do you argue "explain to me why I hear you puking after we eat." ?
I guess it all boils down to how much you care and want to be with a particular person. Her knowing he noticed will go a lot further than you think. I guess if it were me (and my girlfriend was heaving after every meal) and she denied it. I'd bust through the door "ARE YOU PUKING???? WHY????"
But then again I am a very confrontational bitch when I care about someone/something....
I also don't think you should involve the friends. If they don't already know (or she thinks they don't know) she'll probably be very upset and embarassed you told them.
Definitely, talk to her yourself. Try and get her to see a professional. Depending on where her head is at, she may know she needs help or maybe you'll have to use tough love or reverse psychology. If she refuses to see the doctor about an eating disorder maybe you have to twist it as seeing a nutritionist to help her formulate a healthy diet. Whatever it takes.
Wow - that sucks. One of the weird by-products of our F'ed up society that places so much value on the external. Good luck, it can't be good for her either physically or mentally to be where she is.
^Of course she will deny it. To her it is not a problem. It is not an eating disorder. To her it is just how life works. Or if she is not that far into it, it is turning into a way of life. It's the same as any other disorder, trauma or syndrome. It starts as one thing and turns into a life threatening experience.
She has to see that it is not how life is or should be and that her definition is a bit twisted.....Like I said, it's a tough spot to be in...
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You have to confront it to even start working with it.
Its an insecurity issue.
I like food way to much to waste it, but on those days when I look at myself and see a fat gross blob it almost seems appealing to just throw it back up after I enjoy it. Thankfully I'm not that silly, but when you stare at yourself and only see ugly you want to do anything to fix it.
But food is tasty
Anyway, the first step is confronting her. Then you work towards fixing the problem.
Also, how old is she? Some people have a hard time with the fact that the body matures and one often gains weight even if its not 'bad' weight. Working on only numbers is the worst way to do it, especially when someone is that small.
I think my gf has an eating disorder...
