Cop Jokes

[wavex]

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.

The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk". The monkey looked up at the officer and nodded his head. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey nodded vigorously. "Well, did you see this?" "Yes", motioned the monkey.

"What happened?" Asked the officer.

The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. They were drinking?" asked the officer.

"Yes".

"What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. "They were smoking marijuana?"

"Yes".

"What else?" The monkey motioned "Screwing". "They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer.

"Yes". "Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they crashed?"

"Yes".

"What were you doing during all this?"

"Driving" motioned the monkey.

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Nice Try
A San Francisco motorist was unknowingly caught in an automatic camera speed trap. He received a $40 ticket in the post and a photo of his car. Instead of paying up, he sent the police department a photo of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police department containing another picture - of a pair of handcuffs. He paid the fine.

[mike honcho]

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. He says to the driver, "Sir, your eyes look kind of bloodshot, you been drinking?" To which the driver responds, "Gee officer, your eyes look kind of glazed, you been eating donuts?"

[wavex]

A little boy was on a footpath, playing with shit. A postman rode up to the boy and asked what he was doing.
"I'm making a postman!" the kid declared.
A little while later an old lady came up to the boy and asked him what he was doing.
"I'm making an old lady!" declared the boy.
The old lady was so disgusted that she went to the police station and reported him.
A short while later, a big policeman came up to the boy and said, "Hello there little fella - are you making a policeman?"
The little boy looked up at the cop and smiled, "Fuck off! I ain't got enough shit for that!"

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A traffic policeman pulled a car over on a lonely road and approached the blonde woman driver.
"Miss," said the copper, "why are you weaving all over the road?"
"Oh officer," screamed the blonde, "Thank goodness you are here. I almost had a terrible accident! swerving to avoid a tree, I looked up to find another tree in front of me, so I pulled the car to the right and, yet again, there was another tree in front of me!"
The policeman nodded and pointed at the blonde's rear view mirror.
"Miss," said the cop, "That's your fucking air freshener!"

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What's the difference between a brown eyed cop and a blue eyed cop?
One is full of shit and the other needs topping up!