Cop Jokes - Page 3

spongemonster · 08-14-2007, 04:24 PM

A cop pulls over a gorgeous woman in a sports car. Before he can even say anything she says "let me guess you're going to invite me to the police man's ball." He says, " Well no ma'am policemen don't have balls." He then went beet red, walked back to his car and left.

wavex · 08-14-2007, 05:19 PM

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him,
"Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK?" These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time" the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142."

FatHawk · 08-14-2007, 05:30 PM

bwahahahaha

wavex · 08-14-2007, 05:37 PM

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.

So I went up to him and said, "Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket!

Then I really got angry at him and called him an ass-wipe.

He finished the second ticket and put it on top of the first one, stuck between the gas tank and the seat... Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
I didn’t care. My Fizzer was parked around the corner.

mssdrider · 08-14-2007, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wavex

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him,
"Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK?" These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time" the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142."

OFFICER737 · 08-14-2007, 10:23 PM

Some of these are pretty good

bdrushto · 08-14-2007, 10:25 PM

^^^That was my favorite too MSS!

There are some damned good ones in here, I'll tell you that!

Officer, I wondered when you were gonna show up in here...

OFFICER737 · 08-14-2007, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bdrushto

^^^That was my favorite too MSS!

There are some damned good ones in here, I'll tell you that!

Officer, I wondered when you were gonna show up in here...

I like to read the jokes.

bdrushto · 08-14-2007, 10:32 PM

Now, c'mon, we know you got some good ones you're holdin' back from us...

OFFICER737 · 08-14-2007, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bdrushto

Now, c'mon, we know you got some good ones you're holdin' back from us...

Yeah I know a few.

AnKleBiTer · 08-14-2007, 11:00 PM

I loved the one about the blonde female cop! LOL Good ones Keep em coming!!

wavex · 08-15-2007, 01:51 AM

Glad to have some fellow officers join in

Let's keep em clean...

A police man was on duty one night and he headed up to "Make out Mountain" to try to catch some couples in the act. When he got up there he stopped at the first car where a couple sat, and was surprised to see the man was reading and the girl next to him was knitting. He tapped on the window and said he was with the police department then asked how old he was and the guy said, "I'm 22 sir." "Well how old is she?" the officer then asked. Looking at his watch the guy replied, "She'll be 18 in about 6 minutes."

wavex · 08-15-2007, 01:52 AM

Cop: Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you back there? Motorist: I thought you were saying "Good morning, Mr. Mayor." Cop: Right. I wanted to warn you about going too fast through the next town.

KrayZFrameRate · 08-15-2007, 03:00 AM

Officer, don't be holdin' out on us now...

wavex · 08-15-2007, 02:40 PM

The Top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over:

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the village people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?