EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have
her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an
elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big
breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," replied the
patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife
that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more
than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
"massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two-week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the Nurse told me to put
on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had
him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the
man h ad ov er fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include
removal of
the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion,
she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband
was
alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while
checking up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste"
the patient replied. I then aske d to s ee the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman
with purple hair styled into a
punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the
staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it
there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery
was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!................
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my
embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged
lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly
burst out laughing and further
embarrassing me. I looked up from my work
and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied,
"No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an
Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. Wouldn't submit his name
Dam Munky!
Embarrassing Medical Exams! :D
Aw, geez..... now that's funny!!!!
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