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Open ForumsThe Open forum was created for people to discuss anything else Non-Moto related. Just about anything goes! Please remember this is a loosely moderated area. If you do not have thick skin. We suggest you stay out of here.
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him. Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?
George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our clubhouse last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!
(silence)
Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?
__________________ Tony
Tomorrow turned into yesterday, and I see the fault in the chance that was never taken.
Guy walks into a bar and sees a group of friends at a table. After talking to them a little while, he goes to the bar and orders a beer. After drinking the beer, the guys bets the bartender $200 that he can get on the bar, and from 5 feet, piss and get all of it in the cup, without getting a drop on the bar. The bartender takes the bet. The guys gets on the bar, five feet away from the cup, and starts pissing all over the bar and the bartender, and manages not to get a single drop in the cup. He gets done, zips up and hops down. The bartender is happy he just made two hundred bucks, but notices that the guy is smiling bigger than him as he pays him. The bartender asks the guy why he is so happy when he just lost $200. The guy responds "I my five buddies over there $1000 each that I could piss all over you and your bar, and you would be happy about it."
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doublEEsta
Global Warming - A phenomenon where natural climatic cycles coincide with liberal aspirations.
"You cannot invade the mainland United States. There would be a rifle behind every blade of grass." - Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto
Don't spread my WEALTH...Spread my WORK ETHIC!
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows
when the old man passes gas and says,
"Seven Points."
His wife rolls over and says,
"What in the world was that?"
The old man replied,
"It's fart football."
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says "Touchdown, tie score."
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
"Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
"Touchdown, tie score."
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
"Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."
Now the pressure is on the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got,
and accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife says,
"What the hell was that?"
The old man says,
"Half time, switch sides."
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'05 FZ1 Yamaha Blue
FZ6 Alumnus
This is my favorite, but maybe difficult to convey without the visual.
A spoiled rich kid is having a birthday party at chucky cheese. In the restroom he sees the clown whom his father has hired to perform at the party.
KID: Hey clown show me a trick.
Clown: gimme a break kid I'm trying to take a piss.
Kid: Look clown if you don't show me a trick or do some magic right this minute, I'm going to tell my dad to fire you and you won't get paid.
Clown: OK kid, I do have one magic trick I can reveal before I perform for the group.
Kid:Get to it you stupid clown.
Clown: kid, pull your pants and underwear down and put your hands against the wall. (kid does it).
Clown: Can you feel my finger in your butt?
Kid: Yes.
Clown: Waves his hands in front of the kids face and says TADAAAAAAA!
__________________
"I have a knife!" -my 3 year old.
"Step off me or I'll hit you with a bat"- same kid
Posts: 8,301
Casino Cash: $57400
Sportbike: They see me rollin, they hatin'
The seven dwarfs went to visit the pope in Rome. They elected Dopey to go ask the pope some questions.
Dopey asks the pope, "I bet you've got a lot dwarf nuns here at the Vatican right?" The pope responds, "No, I don't think we do."
The other dwarfs chuckle a little bit.
Then, Dopey asks, "Oh, well there must be some dwarf nuns here in Rome right?" Pope responds, "Well, no I don't think there are."
Other six dwarfs start laughing a little harder.
Finally, a little upset, Dopey asks the pope, "Surely there are dwarf nuns SOMEWHERE in the world right?" And getting a little annoyed, the pope responds, "NO, there are NO dwarf nuns ANYWHERE."
Dopey looks upset, all the while the other dwarfs are laughing hysterically while chanting
DOPEY FUCKED A PENGUIN! DOPEY FUCKED A PENGUIN!
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"He who would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will lose both and deserves neither."
-- Benjamin Franklin
THE ECONOMY CAN ONLY BE SAVED IF YOU ACTUALLY SPEND MONEY! STOP HOARDING!
what did helen keller's parents do to punisher her when she was a child?
they left the plunger in the toilet.
what did they do when she got older?
they took it away.
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Nancy Pelosi: "Every month that we do not have an economic recovery package, 500 million Americans lose their jobs."
Hussein Obama: "Only government can save you." <----Now that's scary.
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