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Old 10-28-2004, 07:35 AM   #1 (permalink)
SpeedJunky
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Default Management Jokes

Three Finer Points
- Heller's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists.

- It's not that good help is hard to find, it's just that bad help is so hard to get rid of.

- They say you need a can-do attitude to get ahead in life. I disagree -- many people obviously got to be Vice-Presidents of major corporations just by snapping a few pictures of their respective CEO's and his secretary.
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Old 10-28-2004, 07:37 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes: #1, #2 and #3.
"Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and Morris was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

Morris, the new CEO, called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press – and Wall Street – responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. Morris went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.

The message said, "Prepare three envelopes..."
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Old 10-28-2004, 07:40 AM   #3 (permalink)
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The CEO of a large company was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. A few days later when the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.

"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."

The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."
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Old 10-28-2004, 04:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
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haha, that last one was funny as hell!!!

Good one SpeedJunky
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Old 11-05-2004, 08:43 PM   #5 (permalink)
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That last one was the best...but they all made me smile
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