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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-07-2004, 06:46 AM Thread Starter
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funny?!?

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the lawyer said.

"But sir. I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree"

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a
wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy! task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high."
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-23-2004, 01:14 PM Thread Starter
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Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball.

Suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women.

He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says.

He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the unit.

He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."
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A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.
During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed for an elementary school child.

"I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.

"No ma'am" he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."

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A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive fur store.

"Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims.

So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat.

As the lady tries it on, the salesman goes up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000."

"No problem! I'll write you a check!"

"Very good, sir," says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared."

So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns.

The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"

"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Prosecutor: "Did you kill the victim?"
Defendant: "No, I did not."

Prosecutor: "Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?"

Defendant: "Yes, I do. And they're a lot better than the penalty for murder."
-------------------------------------------
A young man said to his girlfriend's father, "I realize that this is only a formality... but would you mind me marrying your daughter?"

"Who says it's ONLY A FORMALITY?" asked the father angrily.

"Her obstetrician!" replied the young man.


---------------------------------------------------------

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But you have to take them orally.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-19-2009, 03:38 PM Thread Starter
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What did the seven dwarves say when the prince rescued Snow White?

I guess its back to jerking off again.





A blonde was watching the news when she saw a story about 2 Brazillan men died in an accident. "Oh my God," she cried. "I wonder how many is in a Brazillan?

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But you have to take them orally.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-19-2009, 03:39 PM Thread Starter
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What is Micheal Jackson and Farrah Fawcett getting for Christmas?


Patrick Swayze

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But you have to take them orally.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 01:21 PM Thread Starter
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hear about the blonde lesbian?

she liked men

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But you have to take them orally.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 07:40 PM Thread Starter
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all I got for Christmas was a sweater. I was hoping for a moaner or a screamer

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But you have to take them orally.
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