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overall I am happy with marriage, and its everything I thought it would be. However if I knew it was gonna be sex-optional......well I prolly still woulda married her cause I love her to much.
that seems kinda pointless, wouldn't one of the good things about marriage be that you don't have to worry about parents/roommates or the chance of a breakup?? If anything i would think that sex is better after you are married cuz you would have to mix it up and try new stuff to keep it interesting. I think that HPSO12XU's advice is pretty good, she might think you are bored so she will make an effort to get you interested again.
__________________ Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts. Slobbering all over her ears are a big turn off too. No one likes to have a wet willy, now stop it.
NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance. This also applies to your bush. You don't want hair in your mouth, we don't want hair in ours. Keep your man-scaping up to date.
SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? It feels like we have a teething infant attached to our breasts. Doesn't feel good. Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy isn't.
TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
ATTACKING THE CLIT
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris. Trying to suck out our vaginas doesn't feel great either. Gently lick and kiss... it will get you a long way.
STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.
GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.
TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks fist. If you want us to laugh at you, then by all means, keep doing it.
GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds. If you are a very skinny guy, be extra careful with your thrusts.
COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask and learn to know what you're doing.
PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.
NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her. Let's face it: she's either willing to give your oral sex or she's not. Trying to persuade her to get her lips around your glans by edging her head towards your groin is a bit crass, to say the least
NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.
TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do. Would you like it if we jizzed all over your face? consider what you wouldn't want done to you.
TRYING TO FORCE HER HEAD FURTHER DOWN ON YOUR PENIS
Yes, once again we know it feels good, but you have to be considerate about it. She's not likely to be a deep throat expert, and there's no reason why she should be, since most of the pleasure of oral sex comes from the action of her tongue on your glans. Keep your hands away from her head unless it's to gently stroke her hair, and you won't feel the temptation to encourage her to go deeper.
Also, moving our heads up and down on your penis is a no-no. If you think it's acceptable, you've been watching too many of the wrong kind of films
MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse. Most women can't stand this to begin with. Even if she does, don't just ram it home, you have to ease it in. you could tear something.
TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "...to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.
SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.
LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.
GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end. It's trashy and only for 8th graders. If you're over sixteen, this is a no-no. If you need to know why, you're obviously under sixteen.
BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.
TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know. Most of the time, bedroom antics are not a place for words. Only moans and groans.
NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.
SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.
THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.
GOING TOO DEEP
Thrusting too far too hard can put you in contact with her cervix. This part of her insides isn't pleasant when touched. It's painful and feels about like getting kicked in your balls if hit just right. It sends a pain directly to our chest. Going deep is good, but you have to know when to stop before you ram into the back of the cave.
SIZE DOES MATTER
I know all men are different but my god, if you have micropenis, know how to use it. Don't just pump away like a ferret on crack. We can't feel it anyway and you're just making us laugh at you. If you're very well endowed, be gentle. And don't make us believe you're one size when you really aren't. We'll find out in the end.
GETTING FREAKED OUT
We are women, and during certain times of the month, shit happens. If it happens to start while doing the deed, don't freak out like someone just threw up on you. It really isn't nice and she probably won't sleep with you again, you big baby.
FAILING TO GIVER HER PLEASURE IF YOU COME QUICKLY
Remember the motto: "Women come first!" As a man, you're probably going to lose interest in sex once you've ejaculated - especially inside her. No man wants to be snoballed. So think about that next time she hasn't finished and you have.
COMPLAINING YOU NEVER GET ANY
If she's not having sex with you often, then it's probably for a reason. You probably either suck or she doesn't feel good. If you know it's for neither reason, then try to turn her on more often. Give her compliments and tell her she looks hot. She might just jump your bones.
ASKING FOR A THREESOME
Threesomes can be exciting, but they usually just cause jealousy and upset when one partner unexpectedly finds they don't want their partner making out with another person. Needless to say, this usually happens to the woman. So be sure, be very sure, you know what you're doing before you try this one.
WANTING AWKWARD POSITIONS
Hanging by the ceiling fan and doing it may be different but it sure isn't fun. Sometimes simple positions work best. Surprisingly, the missionary position feels the best to most women, so if she's giving you doggy or she's on top, she's changing it up for you, not her. Be appreciative.
__________________ Doc: I'm a pacifist. Caboose: ...You're a thing that babies suck on? Tucker: No, dude, that's a pedophile. Church: Tucker, I think he means a pacifier. Tucker: Oh, yeah. Right. Man, I was totally thinking about something else. Church: That's real classy, Tucker.
Last edited by suzukichic01 : 03-05-2007 at 11:11 PM.
Posts: 204
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i agree with most of the things here except:
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzukichic01
NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
fine, no prob. just dont come to bed trying to get some just after you ate that huge garlic & onion sandwich. dont get me wrong! i love garlic & onions, just not on her breath. and ya know what else? toothpaste and mouthwash dont get rid of it. i wish i knew what did.
just something to remember when you're faced with this situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzukichic01
TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks fist. If you want us to laugh at you, then by all means, keep doing it.
i had a roommate who had this problem. he actually had this really nasty toe jam. fucking idiot was even too embarassed to go to the doctor and get it fixed. his girlfriend (if that's what you want to call her) asked me once, "whats with the one sock? he wont take it off?" hahahaha!
in his case, would that be an exception?
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzukichic01
GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds. If you are a very skinny guy, be extra careful with your thrusts.
skinny girls have the same thing. i've had bruises from her damn pelvic bone. that's why i like my ladies healthy!
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzukichic01
NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
this one, i agree with. guys: if this is you, you might have to fake it. yes, it's very unusual for a man to fake it, but sometimes, that's what being a man means: doing what you dont want to do in order to do what's right. and it aint right to run and endurance race OR a time trial. dont be in a rush, but dont take all night either. if you cant finish up with in 3-4 min. after she does, cut your losses and start spooning.
HOWEVER, if you ladies are getting too sore, you can use other things besides your "numb vagina". so do the man a favor. blue balls hurt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzukichic01
NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her. Let's face it: she's either willing to give your oral sex or she's not. Trying to persuade her to get her lips around your glans by edging her head towards your groin is a bit crass, to say the least.
hey, whats good for the goose is good for the gander.
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzukichic01
TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do. Would you like it if we jizzed all over your face? consider what you wouldn't want done to you.
"Would you like it if we jizzed all over your face?"
well, some guys.................nevermind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzukichic01
TRYING TO FORCE HER HEAD FURTHER DOWN ON YOUR PENIS
..........................
Also, moving our heads up and down on your penis is a no-no. If you think it's acceptable, you've been watching too many of the wrong kind of films
imagine a fugdesicle, not a soda straw. friction is the key. cant do that? dont bother, then.
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzukichic01
SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
WHAT? WHO IN THE HELL DOES THAT???? maybe i'm comfused, i dunno.
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzukichic01
TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know. Most of the time, bedroom antics are not a place for words. Only moans and groans.
most of the ladies i "know" liked dirty talk. as long as it wasnt too crude like "I'M GONNA SHOVE A HAND GRANADE UP YOUR ASS!". i wont be too specific, but there is such a thing as "verbal stimualtion". nothing gets me off more then her telling me how she wants it and then getting positive feed back. only moans and groans? snooooozer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzukichic01
NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.
once again, guys, dont be selfish. trust me, it'll pay off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzukichic01
SIZE DOES MATTER
..................
And don't make us believe you're one size when you really aren't. We'll find out in the end.
fine, i wont stuff my shorts if you dont stuff your bra! hehe. if anyone does either of those, it is kind of sad anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzukichic01
GETTING FREAKED OUT
We are women, and during certain times of the month, shit happens. If it happens to start while doing the deed, don't freak out like someone just threw up on you. It really isn't nice and she probably won't sleep with you again, you big baby.
come on! are you kidding? that is pretty gross. you know when you are getting close to your period. just give us a warning! it's blood for crying out loud!
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzukichic01
WANTING AWKWARD POSITIONS
................. so if she's giving you doggy or she's on top, she's changing it up for you, not her. Be appreciative.
wow! no greater lie has ever been told! as long as the anatomical proportions are right, different positions hit different spots. that's a proven fact!
These are things that I asked a couple girls I work with and things that I have experienced.
Changing positions thing, that's me. I know sometimes guys who are built differently can hit certain areas than other guys, but for the most part, it's how I'm built... so shut up.
Plus all your little excuses for these are, well.... one time scenarios that are "duh's".
As for the "talking dirty" I had a guy keep asking me if I liked it the entire session. "you like that? huh? does that feel good? want me to F*** your brains out?" This is not acceptable. This is just plain annoying. I'll let you know when it feels good by the noises coming out of my mouth. I'm not going to coach you unless you just suck completely.
__________________ Doc: I'm a pacifist. Caboose: ...You're a thing that babies suck on? Tucker: No, dude, that's a pedophile. Church: Tucker, I think he means a pacifier. Tucker: Oh, yeah. Right. Man, I was totally thinking about something else. Church: That's real classy, Tucker.
NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
I thought we were paying by the hour? or at least getting a GROUP rate
__________________
Squidtardness is not something you are born with, you learn it from Torque and biker boyz.
2001 CBR 929RR Konica Minolta Racer Replica: Yoshi bolt on, BMC air filter, PCIII, Pazzo shorty leavers, 954RR swingarm, 954RR wheels powdercoated, HTEV eliminator
HPS012XU +1 on the if shit happens while doing the deed, i mean come on, say some guy is banging you and for some cracked out reason (doing too much crank) starts to get a nose bleed and its flying all over you, wouldn't you be a little grossed out?????? just because it happens on a regular schedule for you all doesn't mean we're ok with it.
__________________
Squidtardness is not something you are born with, you learn it from Torque and biker boyz.
2001 CBR 929RR Konica Minolta Racer Replica: Yoshi bolt on, BMC air filter, PCIII, Pazzo shorty leavers, 954RR swingarm, 954RR wheels powdercoated, HTEV eliminator
Posts: 204
Casino Cash: $250
Sportbike: currently bikeless
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grim Reaper
HPS012XU +1 on the if shit happens while doing the deed, i mean come on, say some guy is banging you and for some cracked out reason (doing too much crank) starts to get a nose bleed and its flying all over you, wouldn't you be a little grossed out?????? just because it happens on a regular schedule for you all doesn't mean we're ok with it.
yup. if i shouldn't freak out when i look down only to find blood on my hbi, that same girl shouldn't freak out when i accidently fart during sex. after all, that would be unintentional too, right? or is that different?
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzukichic01
As for the "talking dirty" I had a guy keep asking me if I liked it the entire session. "you like that? huh? does that feel good? want me to F*** your brains out?" This is not acceptable. This is just plain annoying. I'll let you know when it feels good by the noises coming out of my mouth. I'm not going to coach you unless you just suck completely.
yea, if he doesnt shut up, i can see how that can be annoying. "want me to f*** your brains out?" is pretty funny. i'd only say that if i was trying to sleep on the couch. if he does say something like that, he might need that coaching. the best lovers are trained, not born. this is why i love older women, so i married one.
i also wrote most of my "little excuses" in jest. it's a funny topic, so make funnies.
wow!! Only NC peeps have posted in here!!! I'm from Gastonia, NC but in SoCal now. We jusst got married 27JUL07 and it's all cool. we've been together since 2003 and living together since '04 so Isuspect things are already (hopefully) as bad as they're gonna get! which is good, cuz I like it the way it is
__________________
Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
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