Military storys

Rascus · 12-18-2005, 10:52 PM

Lets hear some of your best/funniest/scariest/etc experience's in the military.

I guess the funniest for me is when we would get some guy straight from boot on the ship and it was his first time out to sea. We get into some 6 to 10 footers and of course you could always pick the new guys out. So to mess with them while they are trying to eat I would always have a can or two of sardines and some hot sauce purposely sitting next them.

I've never seen people run so fast before in my life when I open up that can of sardines and start eating them. Their faces would go from green to i'm about ready to puke in 3 sec.

ahhh...good times.

compscibOi · 12-18-2005, 10:57 PM

EH... too many...

OFFICER737 · 12-18-2005, 10:59 PM

hhehehe...lusianne sauce and ring sardines......

Rascus · 12-18-2005, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OFFICER737

hhehehe...lusianne sauce and ring sardines......

Usually Tobasco sauce since that is a staple of military food.

Kinda like the milk that said "Not consumable for children under 5yrs of age"

Beef that said "Grade D for Prison use only"

OFFICER737 · 12-18-2005, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rascus

Usually Tobasco sauce since that is a staple of military food.

Kinda like the milk that said "Not consumable for children under 5yrs of age"

Beef that said "Grade D for Prison use only"

gotta love those low bid contracts huh? Shoulda got them a VERY small room then broke'em out

EX SSG on 900RR · 12-18-2005, 11:12 PM

There's a story about a Korean midget prostitute...but then again I may incriminate myself

ding · 12-20-2005, 12:17 PM

MRE Bombs filled with Cyalume and hot sauce...
Kermit D. Frog tapped to a Howitzer Barrel
Early morning dance of the 10 bare asses
The Gauntlet
The 4 hour recon training / nap
the "Shit pit" shovel

there really are too many...

HUTSCBR · 12-20-2005, 12:36 PM

I guess I can share all the easy ones right now when messing with new pvts. Tell them to find us a box of grid squares, check the kavlar ambulance for soft spots and circle them, exhaust samples with a trash bag and turn it in to the motor sgt. One of my favorites is go tell the 1sg we have a dummie 8.

adamf2 · 12-20-2005, 01:14 PM

Never heard of the dummy 8........ When I was in AIT, I was woken up around 2 am for my fireguard shift. While we were doing our headcount, we noticed one of the new privates (who slept on the top bunk) on his feet with his left arm holding him up using his top bunk. His wang was in his right hand and he was furiously pounding the pud while staring at the guy that slept below him. In between the time we saw this and the time we came up with a battle plan, the guy had blown his load all over the sleeping guys blankets and shit. So, we yanked that crazy fucker out of the top bunk, woke up the guy that had spunk on his linens, and proceeded to beat the piss out of the midnight spanker. He ended up getting chaptered for it.

HUTSCBR · 12-20-2005, 01:30 PM

Dude...that's some f'd up shit...
Go tell 1sg we got a dummy 8....dumb E-8

adamf2 · 12-20-2005, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HUTSCBR

Dude...that's some f'd up shit...
Go tell 1sg we got a dummy 8....dumb E-8

Ahh, I see.

You'll have to forgive my stupidity. I only slept 2-2.5 hours last night due to a migrain that still hasn't gone away. So now I'm at working doing NOTHING and getting paid for it.

EX SSG on 900RR · 12-20-2005, 08:14 PM

I told my wife to send me something special in the mail while I was in the field. She sent me a pair of camouflage bikini briefs, lol. Well morale was down so out they came. We were working on getting vehicles up one night and I went and changed into my new briefs, combat boots, flak vest, pro-mask (on), k-pot and m-16. We had been going on about 1-2 hours of sleep for about 5 days. This broke up the monotony and cheered everyone up. I'm just glad the BMS didn't catch me.

EX SSG on 900RR · 12-20-2005, 08:18 PM

While in the middle east we had a soldier leave to ETS and he left his uniforms with us. I wore a LR top and LS pants. His were XS or some shit. Well I did the same kind of dumb shit. I squeezed into the uniform and went and checked on my guys. They about fell over laughing watching me try to climb up on a Bradley with my stranglers on.

AnKleBiTer · 12-20-2005, 08:29 PM

When we were stationed at Fort Lewis Washington in the late 80's we went to a parade to welcome the new deputy commander of post. After the parade there was a little finger foods buffet and a meet and greet kind of thing going on.

My daughter was about 4 -5 months old and considered "OKAY" to bring to simple functions like that without getting the evil eye by the other officer's wives (children are considered socially acceptable till they are 6 months old if you are still breast feeding...yeah I know!!).

As I was standing at the table balancing the plate and my daughter, the commander of the post came up to me and asked if he could hold my sleeping baby. I said sure if you really want to and off he walked with my daughter.

After about 30 minutes and no sign of the general I found my husband and told him I was getting nervous. We walked around and finally found the general holding my sleeping daughter against the chest of his greens loaded with assorted medals.

We walked up and he grudgingly gave up the baby stating how much he loved sleeping babies. Not too long after that he got transferred to another post...but I did see a lot more of him later on in the media...his name was General H. Norman Schwarzkof!!

One of my favorite stories to tell my daughter!!

adamf2 · 12-20-2005, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnKleBiTer

When we were stationed at Fort Lewis Washington in the late 80's we went to a parade to welcome the new deputy commander of post. After the parade there was a little finger foods buffet and a meet and greet kind of thing going on.

My daughter was about 4 -5 months old and considered "OKAY" to bring to simple functions like that without getting the evil eye by the other officer's wives (children are considered socially acceptable till they are 6 months old if you are still breast feeding...yeah I know!!).

As I was standing at the table balancing the plate and my daughter, the commander of the post came up to me and asked if he could hold my sleeping baby. I said sure if you really want to and off he walked with my daughter.

After about 30 minutes and no sign of the general I found my husband and told him I was getting nervous. We walked around and finally found the general holding my sleeping daughter against the chest of his greens loaded with assorted medals.

We walked up and he grudgingly gave up the baby stating how much he loved sleeping babies. Not too long after that he got transferred to another post...but I did see a lot more of him later on in the media...his name was General H. Norman Schwarzkof!!

One of my favorite stories to tell my daughter!!

That's friggin awesome!!! Damn good story.