If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above.
You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed.
To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.
My Ex just told me that a big problem with our relationship and well mostly me is that i was intimidating and hard to talk to and she felt it was hard to tell me how she felt and the things that were going through her mind...I never thought of myself as someone whos hard to talk to or intimidating at all...how can i be less intimidating and easier to talk to for future relationships as i know nothin is goin to happen again with my ex as i dont want her back after all this bull shit but i want to know what i can do to change that part of me
hard to know what to change when she didn't say specifically what it is about you that is intimidating. it could be that she is just easily intimidatED and says you're hard to talk to, to cover her own difficulties communicating. has anyone else ever told you this? before you go trying to change who you are, try to evaluate if its really something about you that you really feel you need to and want to change. maybe your next woman will have no problem with communicating with you at all. remember, that one is gone now so you don't have to change or do anything to appease her anymore. i say just be you and don't try to change into something that someone else may want you to be. or, i could be wrong and you could be a huge prick and need to change.
really, don't worry about what she thinks anymore and don't try to change something that probably doesn't need to be changed. just be you and be happy in that.
Bobby
__________________ I GOT YER FRICKIN' TOKEN RIGHT HERE PAL!.
might try asking some close friends/relatives for their opinions. It could be the ex b/c they do tend to be a little crazy...at least mine are. Who broke up w/ who if you don't mind me asking?
i say just be you and don't try to change into something that someone else may want you to be. ...
+1
You gotta be you. Changing yourself to be more likeable to other people is probably unnecessary, you just need to find the right person who appreciates you for all your shitheadedness.
J/k dude. Seriously don't change, unless you're a child molesterer or some sort of axe murderer.
well outside work ive been told from girls after they get to know me that at first i seem stuck up and intimidating but im not really im just not super social...at work im a complete dick....but im a boss and i have to be in order for things to get done right and on time...i work construction im a plumber on a 4mill mechanical contract only jobsite its huge and we have had to hire some scum to get work done as the whole world seems to be short handed on tradesmen...but other than that no im not a dick head at all i dont think atleast
Without the benefit of actually knowing you, it's difficult to say what (if anything) needs to be changed. But.... perhaps you could work on having for empathy for others.
Women generally want to be understood, or at least see their men make the attempt in a non-judgmental way. Work on being more open and approachable.. not impatient and not instantly looking for the quickest solution when she wants to talk.
Unless she's on fire, whatever she wants to talk about doesn't need an instant resolution. The act of talking it over will probably be enough to make her happy until she specifically asks you to do something.
Without the benefit of actually knowing you, it's difficult to say what (if anything) needs to be changed. But.... perhaps you could work on having for empathy for others.
Women generally want to be understood, or at least see their men make the attempt in a non-judgmental way. Work on being more open and approachable.. not impatient and not instantly looking for the quickest solution when she wants to talk.
Unless she's on fire, whatever she wants to talk about doesn't need an instant resolution. The act of talking it over will probably be enough to make her happy until she specifically asks you to do something.
Right on the money. My wife and I had some "fun" times when we were first married because she would complain about work, or some problem she was having with someone. I, of course, with my male mind, kept offering solutions to her problems and would get miffed when she would dismiss them out of hand. I soon learned that she was not looking for solutions, just a place to vent. Now I just nod alot and say "I know what you mean"
Works like a charm.
It could be that you were trying to do the same thing, and what you thought was "helping" was, in her eyes, trying to force your opinion on her, thus being "intimidating"
Anyway, I may be way off base with that, but I do agree with some of the other posters, she is gone, don't go changing your "natural" state for someone who doesn't matter anymore.
Posts: 420
Casino Cash: $250
Sportbike: '03 ex250 and zx6r
When talking about problems most women want empathy and most men want to help solve the problem so she'll shut up.
Having spent most of my life around males and the few females that think like males, some advice from their suffering: It's damn hard, but most of the time women just want someone to listen to them rant. No solution needed, which makes it insanely hard for you to concentrate because you don't have to try to think about it. Just try to echo bits and parts to let her know you are listening and you'll score big points.
"Damn, you accidentally walked in on the boss and his secretary for the second time? What an emotionally scarring experience to know that a 60 year old with a combover is getting it more than you."
Add "Let me change that." to the end if you are feeling bold. Just remember, it's a solution. ;)
well outside work ive been told from girls after they get to know me that at first i seem stuck up and intimidating but im not really im just not super social...at work im a complete dick....but im a boss and i have to be in order for things to get done right and on time...i work construction im a plumber on a 4mill mechanical contract only jobsite its huge and we have had to hire some scum to get work done as the whole world seems to be short handed on tradesmen...but other than that no im not a dick head at all i dont think atleast
I work in construction as well; all of the jobsites I've been on are 500mil+ projects. I've found over the past seven years that the superintendants who are dicks always have the least productive crews. You don't have to be an ass to be a good leader. Try bringing your crew a bunch of McD's breakfast burritos tomorrow morning around 8am; tell them it's just a simple guesture of your gratitude for their hard work. You'll see a whole new side to productivity. Just food for thought.
I've nothing to offer relative to your unapproachability problem, aside from adding that I've been told countless times that I have the same problem. It really doesn't bother me much anymore, but when I was in my early 20s it seemed like a curse. What a difference a few years makes...
__________________
If you want to stand out from the crowd, try being yourself for a change.
Wait, I vaguely remember your old thread about this ex of yours. How long were you guys dating for before she moved and things started to sour?
I was thinking the same thing.
Also about being intimidating when your girl voices her opinion do not grab and shake her or bitchslap. That right there might shut some one up for awhile.
Also you can't change yourself last night at a party. I talk to a girl after 5 min she asks why i was talking to her. And says i look like a guy to talked to girls with popped collars or cashmere argyle sweaters (which she had on) Wtih that being said she basically was saying i look stuck up or preppy. Yes i might be but i show love across the board to the ladies.
It sucks that first impressions ar made in 30secs and sometime you dont have the chance to change them.
Posts: 632
Casino Cash: $11784
Sportbike: 2004 ZRX 1200R-Faster Red
I've found that girls (not necessarily women) find being silent or uncommunicative men intimidating.
I am not tall, but broad, thick, and reasonably well-muscled, and sometimes I'm told that I look angry, but I'm really just concentrating on what I'm doing.
I've found that a smile and a direct, friendly question (or reply) with good EYE contact (no boob goggling) usually establishes me as a man who can (at least) hold a friendly conversation.
Im Hard to talk to and intimidating
Just remember, it's a solution. ;)
