If she comes home drunk, I'm getting a divorce

Servicerifle · 03-25-2006, 08:19 PM

Folks, I am really beside myself now. I met a woman before I went to Iraq and I guess I was a little fooish with falling for her so easily. After just a few weeks with her I deployed. For a year I conversed with her over email, and she mailed me a letter every week and a box of stuff every month even when I asked for nothing. I came back to the US and immediately (and foolishly) moved in with her. That was a little weird because she has a young daughter, but I got used to it. She is smart and responsible with her, and a good mom. Things went really well for a while but steadily began to decline with an argument here or there. She started showing a proclivity toward drinking and that was about the same time I thought it was sure we'd get married. (dumb) Well, we tied the knot and things have been downhill ever since. I have had more nights than I care to remember where I have begged her not to drink any more. I have left home several nights and spent the night sleeping in my truck on the side of the road somewhere. I take care of the little girl like she's mine and I really love her, and she even calls me daddy, but I am really starting to dislike her mother, my wife. I have never lived with alcoholism and it is really getting to me. She's not drunk tonight, but we have had an argument all day and the relationship seems so pointless to me. It seems like all we have done for the last two months is get along well enough to have sex and then we're at each other's throats again. Last week she threw pancakes at me as I was walking out the door again...getting away from her harrassment and bitterness.

I have to see or hear about her jackass husband daily because he still has partial custody of the little girl. That means I get to get daily reminders of her last fuck mate and get to see him every other week.

Tonight she has left, to "show me" what it's like for someone to "leave." Frankly I don't give a shit if she's out all night. I am here with her daughter who is already sleeping, and I know I can take care of her if there is a problem so that's not really an issue. The issue is...I wonder if she'll come home drunk. She's already had two beers before she left and she is really small and four beers will get her pretty obnoxious. I don't want a divorce, but I don't want to live this way any more.

I hope someone here learns from my mistakes.

KrayZFrameRate · 03-25-2006, 08:33 PM

Im not sure what to say to you. Its sad to here that alcohol has broken something so special like that. Its nice to hear that you are so passionate about taking care of her daughter. Im never one to give up. I would try counseling if you care to keep things pulled together. Whatever happens, best wishes.

Choco · 03-25-2006, 08:51 PM

alcoholism in general tends to make people very aggresive and irrational. How does she act when she's not drinking? If you can see the link between her moods and booze, she needs help. I would be concerned for her daughter. I commend you highly for the love you show her daughter, as it seems you care more than your wife. And this, IMHO, is possibly the way to get into her head and make her realize she needs to get her act together. Her daughter should be #1, followed by u as a close #2.

amny folks on here will have good advice, i am not married, have never lived with a girl so my help would be very limited. Just stay patient for the sake of her daughter. Good luck!

valskater · 03-25-2006, 11:11 PM

Not to be harsh but I'd get out of Dodge.
I understand you care for her daughter (and her) but
I don't think it's a wise investment of you life and energies
to hang out in this particular situation. If the little girl
was your's that would be a totally different situation.
The father is still involved in his daughters life so you'll
always be on the outside in some respect and not only
does that suck but it hurts.
Sorry to hear this. Very sad and hard.
Good luck.

lawson · 03-25-2006, 11:27 PM

stick it in her ass and she will shut up.

vertigo 1 · 03-25-2006, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lawson

stick it in her ass and she will shut up.

you have just shown your ignorance and stupitity I'm embaressed to even think your a canadian. this guy has a problem that is very serious to him and you show this kind of attitude towards it. you have just proved you are an ignorant pig and your opinion is nothing but shit. If you have nothing intelligent to say shut up and fuck off this guy wants help not stupid comments from imature assholes like you.

OFFICER737 · 03-25-2006, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vertigo 1

you have just shown your ignorance and stupitity I'm embaressed to even think your a canadian. this guy has a problem that is very serious to him and you show this kind of attitude towards it. you have just proved you are an ignorant pig and your opinion is nothing but shit. If you have nothing intelligent to say shut up and fuck off this guy wants help not stupid comments from imature assholes like you.

It is lawson's law, he doesn't mean anything by it. I am sure he ment it light heartedly

vertigo 1 · 03-25-2006, 11:46 PM

probably but it was a stupid thing to say

vertigo 1 · 03-25-2006, 11:47 PM

officer 737 did you get my email about tunes

OFFICER737 · 03-25-2006, 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vertigo 1

officer 737 did you get my email about tunes

Just checked it! Send the tunes to officer737@gmail.com and thanks

Choco · 03-26-2006, 03:19 AM

yeah, every post from lawson is like that. even in time os dispair, humor will prevail.

To the poster:

you are still young, you could come away from a divorce pretty clean, ie she won't own half your stuff. how long you invested in this marriage??

Süsser Tod · 03-26-2006, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Choco

yeah, every post from lawson is like that. even in time os dispair, humor will prevail.

Yeah, but sometimes it gets old. He should get better lines than PIITB, I remember more creative ones, like the chocolate starfish.

Anyway, back to the topic on hand...

If alcohol has taken the relationship downhill, try counseling and AA, maybe there is something that still can be saved there. If not, as you know, the hardest part will be breaking the little girl's heart, and losing her daddy, again.

Even then, you don't have a case for custody, if you manage to prove she is not a good mother, the ex-husband will get the custody.

So basically, if there is nothing left for you in there, move on. Rather have a little girls heart broken than your own life. I know, sounds kinda selfish, but at some point you've got to do what is better for you, after all, it is your life.

kneedraggin650s · 03-26-2006, 06:03 PM

Are you still in the military? If so go talk to ADAPC and see what they have to say. Maybe try talking to your wife about going to marriage counseling. I understand she needs it more then you, but you have to be willing to go too. As far as the exhusband thing that is just something you are going to have to learn to live with. It sucks but that is the little girls biological dad.

Hope things work out.

Jiggly · 03-26-2006, 06:39 PM

I went through the same thing except it was a TDY not a deployment and no kid.

from MY EXPERIANCES, my life quality about quintupled when I kicked her out and got divorced and I walked aaway learning something