Need some advise here...

[Süsser Tod]

First of all, no PIITB jokes or that kind of stuff, I'm really looking for serious advise in here, I need a fresh outlook on this situation.

Well, here is the full story, its long, but I hope it explains clearly what is going on.

I met this girl at the hospital, when my brother had a back injury and couldnt move. She is my brother's girlfriend sister (she would be my sister in law sister if my brother married his gf).

Well, it was like love at first sight. Not so much, but I really liked her.

My brother and his GF thinked that it would be a good idea to set up us.

But I never considered the idea, as I was stuck in an awfull futureless relationship, trying to save it, and basically, just making its dead longer.


Anyway, got out of that relationship and the first person I thougt about was her. So they invited me to this girl's bd party.
I went, we had a good time at a bar, and then went to my brother's gf house, watched a movie and went home.

It was really good, and I liked the girl.

So I asked her out, she decided movies (I know, not a good idea for a first date). That time it wasn't hard to invite her, she accepted with not much fuss.
That day we had fun, went to see a scary movie, I had never heard someone scream so loud, and then went to the mall and just wandered around.
I walked her to her car, and asked her on a second date. She refused, her reason, exams. So basically she gave me no chance of asking her out for the next two weeks.

I can't recall exactly what happened. But one sunday I went to her house, talked to her and her niece for an hour and gave her a present, bunny slippers. On her bday party we were joking about bunny slippers and she having ones, but she didnt, so I thought it would be a good idea to give her the present, basically to let her know my intentions

The "two" weeks turned more like into 3 weeks, during that time I chatted with her on msn, but basically it wasnt leading anywhere. She would never look for me, and only a couple of times I received e-mails from her, but were e-mails she had sent to a group of friends.

Basically around the 2 week mark, she told me she was done with the exams, and I asked her out, she blew me away, second strike.

At that point I decided not to chase her anymore, and let her come to me if she felt like it.

And it worked, on friday she sent me a sms asking me to talk on the phone, I gave her my number, but we didn't talked as her sister was using the phone.
Next day, she sent me a sms to invite me to her house for a movie and pizza afternoon on sunday.

It was quite good, 3 movies and it wasnt an afternoon (watching movies unitl 1 am is not an afternoon, right?) We kissed and kinda made out that day.

Now I dont' know what to do. Yesterday I sent her an SMS, as yesterday most people didn't worked as today is a holiday (in this country), "Are you enjoying the freeday" and her reply wasn't really giving any chance for more conversation "indeed".
Sent her an sms when I got out of work (I got to work both days that most people didn't) and she didn't replied untill two hours later, and some sms more leaded to her telling me she was going out with a friend (female).

Talked to a girl @ work about my situation and not knowing what to do. And she told me to chase her a little bit more, make her feel good and appreciated, kinda the opposite to what I'm always told on the "Dating" forum. And well, I sent her an SMS today "I was training some people but couldnt stop thinking about you, so I sent them for coffee, how are you doing?", her reply "fine watching animal planet"...
One hour later I sent her "Sounds fun, I've been standing up for 4 hours and my feet hurt, I feel like being a couch potato, can I join you?".
The reply seemed to be good "Would you like to go out later"

And then, crash and burn, when I replied her that, yes, I wanted to see her, she replied "Sorry, I spoke too fast and I forgot it is my parents aniversary".

And on the frustration I made it worse "Greet them for me. I'm going to miss you". Dumb me!


Now, my brother has always told me that she is shy and I'm aware that she is very focused on getting good grades @ college, so that explains why she turned me down for her exams and then some projects she had to get done right after the exams.
I've got no game, I'm not good at dating, and I'm really shy. My brother told me that if I was scared, she was scared to dead.

But am I seeing here a pattern? She alwas turns me down!

I felt like after Sunday I was finally getting somewhere, but today's messages just left me clueless. I don't knwo where I stand, I know I haven't been frienzoned, but maybe she kissed me on Sunday as it was almost Spring and her hormones betrayed her, or is she too shy to keep moving forward towards a relationship, is she playing with me or what?

For the time being I won't initiate contact anymore, and any serious/real advise will be welcome.

[kevinwilly]

Dude, you're reading too much into this. I don't answer messages/ email/ IM's or anything. They just aren't my priority. Either talk to her, or don't.

Try not. Do. Or do not.

Go to her house, drag her out for some pizza. Or forget about her, and wait till she calls you.

The main thing to do: RELAX. Seriously, you HAVE to relax- or you're gonna come off as wierd. I always get girls interested in me when i have a girlfriend, because when i talk to them, i'm relaxed (because i'm not really looking for anything)- and when i'm relaxed i'm funny, loose, and witty.

When you try too hard, you get akward. You just have to convice your body you don't care, and do what comes naturally.

I was in a similar situation with a girl. She just was the type of girl that didn't read much into messages. I finally just had to be like: we're getting ice cream! Be there in 10 minutes! If i asked, she never seemed interested. It drove me CRAZY.

Hope that helps?

[Travis71902]

piit...er, ohh wait, nevermind.

[Joshua]

If it's your brother's girlfriend's sister, ask your brother or his girlfriend what is up. Ask his gf if she knows what's going on. She thought you guys should hook up, so I'm sure she'd be willing to find out for you.

[snigg]

do you suck at kissing?

[bzbatl]

You're doing fine - you're just freaking out like a girl. Her priority is school, don't screw her out of that chance. Just relax like dude says.

Go work out or throw a wrench on the bike. You need some testosterone up in yer head.

Don't listen to advice on dating rules. Or advice from here. None of us know wtf we're talking about.

[lawson]

skip the kissing and go straight the the back road. she will love it.

[Chauncey]

After having just finished going through a similar situation, all I can say to you is get the fuck out. Seriously. If she really gave a shit, she wouldn't be so goddamned wishy-washy about seeing you. Consider yourself at her mercy if you continue down this road.

The situation I was in was eerily similar to yours. Girl in school, important exams coming up, blah blah blah...she wanted space and stuff to study, so I said "Ok. Here ya go!!", and promptly dropped her ass. Haven't heard from her other than a couple of phone calls she made to me to make plans to meet that will most likely NEVER fucking materialize, but oh well. Time to man up and move on bro.

[hozhead]

My best piece of advice is to stop chasing her. Don't give her the cold shoulder - just don't chase her. There are a lot of people (women and men alike) who just don't go for the person chasing them, they want a challenge, not the sure thing.
Its obviously not going anywhere with you asking her out so if you stop chasing her, you're not losing out. If she decides to chase you, everything could work out romantically. If she doesn't chase you, the two of you can still be friends. If you invest yourself in chasing her but she continues to turn you down, it may be difficult to be friends later.

[ASCI_Blue]

hm..so many directions to go and so little alcohol to help me get there.

So everyone is right. Stop chasing her now. Next time you try to set something up go about it one of two ways, be planning to go there anyway OR ask her how likely she is to show up. The first method would look something like this: "Hey I'm planning on being at location X at Y time join me if you want." The second: "Before this goes any further I have to let you know that one of my pet peeves is flaky people. How likely is it on a scale of 1 - 10 that you'll show up for date X?" if this number is anything less than a 10 cancel and reschedual. This will get things out there pretty quickly that her behavior is unacceptable.

if you've got the balls for it I'm going to be really brave and suggest helping her study. by doing so you'll praticipate in something important with her life and at the same time you can still crack jokes and otherwise talk to her about random shit.

[ArcanaSV]

Originally Posted by lawson

skip the kissing and go straight the the back road. she will love it.

i'm suprised it took you till post 7 to find this thread. i read the first line and knew you had already posted.

[jeepcoma]

Originally Posted by bzbatl

You're doing fine - you're just freaking out like a girl. Her priority is school, don't screw her out of that chance. Just relax like dude says.

Go work out or throw a wrench on the bike. You need some testosterone up in yer head.

Don't listen to advice on dating rules. Or advice from here. None of us know wtf we're talking about.

I totally agree. Don't get too bent out of shape over all this (even though it may be hard to think about anything but her). As others have said, don't chase her too much. I've made that mistake before. Give her the illusion of being in control, and she'll be much happier. Don't stop doing what you love doing, like going out and riding. Speaking of which, get some two-wheeled therapy, post haste.

[cbrnm]

There are lots of fish in the sea....

[Süsser Tod]

Well...


You damn guys... were right! Dind't called her after the "I miss you" SMS. Yesterday at 11pm she sent me a SMS "Thanks for missing me". 5 minutes later, "I want to call you but my sister is using the phone"...


But I was sleeping during that. At 11:30 the phone rang and woke me up, it was her, spent a long time talking to her, she calls me pet names now, and we have a date today.

Yeah, I've been overthinking and freaking out. Its moving along nicely, albeit, not as fast as I'd like, but we'll get there


Damn, this girl has really given me a hard time, I had never felt so much in doubt when dating. Usually I knew what to do next, even if it was stupid and I crashed and burned, but not this time.

[bush]

Giving her the slightest idea that you're NOT interested in her may work in your favor. Don't give her the idea that she's in control or she'll get bored.