Ljbf

BoostAddict · 02-21-2006, 09:04 PM

First, in general, what are your guys experiences with girls that "Lets just be friend'd" you? Have any of you turned this around and gotten with her in the end?

Okay, now to nuber 2, my situation. Met girl through her cousin that wanted to get with me but I LJBF'd her. That was on a Thursday night, and it was 1:20am when I met them so didn't make much progress that night so didn't bother trying to get her number. Next morning the cousin calls me with her number saying we "should talk and stuff". Unfortunately, I was in a breakup/not breaking up situation with a girl so I didn't jump at the oppurtunity. This hottie texted me five days in a row! And I did nothing but lightly flirt and chit chat. She's very social, has lots of friends, this isn't some nutjob stalker.

So, the breakup happens with me ending the bullshit, I try to ask her out to a movie on a Saturday afternoon as we both have things to do that night (me clubbing and her going to a party). She flakes on me saying she has work from 2-7pm so she can't. I don't like the situation but I give her the benefit of the doubt. I talk to her a bit later the next week, and then also have a 40 minute session talking with her, at first just chit chat but then leading to her sharing childhood stories and me too. I figure it went well and that I built some comfort and rapport with her. At the end of the convo, she says, "I'm real glad we talked, I got to see another side of you, etc." I really enjoyed that talk, there was ZERO awkward silences which is really rare for me and I really liked her after this.

I try to ask her to hang out two more times, this time I tried to set it up during the week as I know we're both party-ers on Fridays and Saturdays. However, we both have our own groups we hang out with so I wasn't too keen on inviting her to my party, and she never invited me to any of the ones she went to either. She flakes both of these two times, and I then make the mistake of saying, "Hey, whats going on with this because I don't wanna waste my time and yours if you don't like me at all."

Obviously, I know this was a mistake, but at that moment my inner insecurities let through. She gave me the classic, "I'm not ready for a relationship, but I'd love to hang out and stuff" I stopped talking to her after this, just talking to her for a little bit (<5mins) once a week or so. I then stop contact because we don't even hang out at all so why bother having a phone friendship? She reinitiates contact after a week of me not calling her with,"Hey sorry I haven't talked to you in a while Ive been busy with sports blah blah"

I talk to her maybe twice a week currently, she's been teasing a bit and flirting lightly. I'm looking for guys experiences with previous LJBF situations and girls insights as to what is going here also.

I know its a bit long, I appreciate any help you guys can give. Should I just not talk to her anymore? If I stop calling, then she reinitiates contact. I know its not because of any hookups or money or any of my friends she wants to get with because she hasn't met any of my "hot" guy friends that girls usually find attractive. So whats the deal?

BoostAddict · 02-21-2006, 09:06 PM

Oh, and the reason for not really bringing our 2 social groups together is because she lives about 50 miles away from me, or about a hour away.

dparadis · 02-21-2006, 09:51 PM

[Reply to your first sentence ONLY.]

In general, the trick is to stay in control. Say something like:

"I don't make any such promise. Friends don't put each other in boxes like that. The only thing I'll promise is never to do anything unless you ans I both feel totally comfortable, willing and ready." -Ross Jeffries-

dparadis · 02-21-2006, 10:02 PM

OK. Second part.

When she calls you, let her know that you were thinking of her earlier in the day and that you are happy to hear her (nice, soothing, beautiful, whatever...) voice. Expression of interest.

Then, take it back.

Talk a bit and then tell her that she was right and that she will indead make a good friend. If she asks you out, tell her you can't. If she proposes another date, you could accept but say you only have an hour or so.

Just remember, the cat stops playing with the string once it catches it. Do not get caught. Be interesting!

BoostAddict · 02-21-2006, 10:23 PM

Cool thanks for the advice. Usually I would never think of saying that when a girl calls, but with the takeaway that sounds pretty good...If I do the takeaway, and she replies with agreeance that its cool we're with friends, should I take it as a sign of defence as she doesn't want to reveal any feelings she might have towards me, or should I look at it as a sign that theres no point in trying to pursue anything further? Obviously if she does try to set up a meeting then I know its game on..

BoostAddict · 02-21-2006, 10:28 PM

Oh, and that Ross Jeffries line, its better than nothing but it seems to like a quote to save face after getting LJBF'd, at best keeping the door open to possibly getting with the girl later. Thanks though, its better than anything I have said in the past.

AnKleBiTer · 02-21-2006, 10:56 PM

LOL Sometimes I know some girls use this as a ploy to string some guys along but there are actually girls who truly just want to be YOUR FRIEND! To assume there is more because someone accepts your phone calls or talks to you friendly only makes it harder for you both and in the end will ruin what friendship you have.
So to answer the question, I think sometimes you can get beyond the let's just be friends thing but it would probably be safe to assume that in the end NOTHING will ever come of it other than a lot of wishful thinking!! I'm sorry!!

bdrushto · 02-21-2006, 11:05 PM

Don't close contact. Never give up an OPPROTUNITY unless it is for a concrete reason. Just play it, or even really mean it, as though you just wanna be friends. Don't be a jerk, but don't invest too much, either. Time is your friend here. Believe it or not, like AnKleBiTer said, some girls just wanna be friends... and believe it or not, it ain't all that bad.

Then, if its supposed to happen, it'll happen on its own. Trust me, I played the friends game all last summer and it continues to pay off in the end with my current girlfriend. Bein' friends first just makes it that much better when the heat gets turned up. Good luck, bro!

tjeepdrv · 02-21-2006, 11:46 PM

I got the LJBF back in the summer. I was like, okay, whatever, dated a couple of girls, but nothing lasted long at all. Meanwhile me and friend hung out a lot. Right about the time I finally saw her as just a friend, she switched it around on me. We were together for a week before that ended. Then 2 weeks later were back to kissing. It's off and on as to what we are now. We aren't just friends, but we aren't "together." You would think we were by looking at each other other. I normally don't "like" people, but, you know...

Anyways, the Ladder Theory is BS. Since she's a friend, she'll "trust" you. Exploit this "accidentally." Massages are a fun way to lead to more fun.

BoostAddict · 02-22-2006, 12:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bdrushto

Don't close contact. Never give up an OPPROTUNITY unless it is for a concrete reason. Just play it, or even really mean it, as though you just wanna be friends. Don't be a jerk, but don't invest too much, either. Time is your friend here. Believe it or not, like AnKleBiTer said, some girls just wanna be friends... and believe it or not, it ain't all that bad.

Then, if its supposed to happen, it'll happen on its own. Trust me, I played the friends game all last summer and it continues to pay off in the end with my current girlfriend. Bein' friends first just makes it that much better when the heat gets turned up. Good luck, bro!

See, the thing is after that comment she told me about being just friends and everything else, our talks aren't "friendly" so I can't really be her friend. Theres a certain tension between us, in a sense like when your gaming a girl and she is too, you know that point before you are together with someone both of you watch what your saying and tease and bait each other playing games and such, thats how it is when I talk to her. If she really saw me as just a friend I'd expect conversation to be a lot less teasing and such.

Thing is, I have no problem being just friends with her. Sometimes I really enjoy hanging out with girls instead of the guys. I really think shes a cool girl and I would have no problems just hanging out, theres plenty of other girls out there for me to meet and date. The fact that we live sort of far apart keeps our two social circles separate, but whatever, beyond my friends and hers, just between me and her, its like everytime I asked her if she wanted to just hang out and chill she had an excuse. You would think if someone always makes excuses about not meeting up then they don't like you in any way. Yet she stays in touch.

BoostAddict · 02-22-2006, 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnKleBiTer

EDITED------Quote taken out per request of AnKleBiTer------EDITED

Okay, so let me just ask you something. Why doesn't she ever want to hang out whenever I ask her to? I mean, I don't ask her if she wants to go to the movies with me (as in a formal date), I just want to chill and enjoy each others company, yet she makes up excuses and doesn't throw out an alternative day that she is free. You would think she doesn't like me in any sense from this right, but yet she still keeps in touch. I'm not a bouncer or rich or anything that she can exploit if you guys thought maybe shes just out to use guys. I'm not even funny every time we talk, so its not like I'm a comedic laugh she can get whenever she calls.

I'm just a bit confused. I can seperate between being friends, being more than friends, and people that just don't like you; but someone who wants to talk on the phone but never wants to hang out?

BoostAddict · 02-22-2006, 12:22 AM

I don't know if this is her weird way of being friends but I doubt it. Shes 18 in case any of you find any of this weird, that should explain it. I'm 20 in case anyone wanted to know.

Bit of an update: Her best friend and one of my buddys went on a date to the movies tonight, and me and the girl came up in the convo with the friend saying that both of them think I like her, which my friend neither agreed with or denied, he diverted it to saying that I was dancing quite a bit with their blond friend at the club last time we were there and that they should hook me up with that girl.

The girl said that she doesn't really hang out with the blond, and then their date moved onto other topics...Just an update I felt should be included.

At least our social circles are beginning to intermix...

BoostAddict · 02-22-2006, 12:23 AM

I'm interested to see what ASCI has to say about this, if he decides to chime in at all...

AnKleBiTer · 02-22-2006, 12:26 AM

maybe at this point all she wants is someone to talk to...another way of describing a friend in my book!!

BoostAddict · 02-22-2006, 12:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnKleBiTer

maybe at this point all she wants is someone to talk to...another way of describing a friend in my book!!

Someone to talk to? Doubtful, I mean, at least not in this situation. She hasn't brought up any emotional problems or any issues at all to me looking for consolation or anything of the matter.

If this were the case, then I'd obviously realize this was strictly friends and "she just wanted someone to talk to." If anything, its the opposite, whenever I talk to her she is, even though it may be subtle, almost qualifying herself as the prize and being generally positive and upbeat. So, in other words, I'm not "that" guy that girls dump their emotional baggage on.