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How Do You....
Without the Spanish Inquisition coming through or any ass hole comments please. When you've invested any time and emotion into someone and things fall apart in your pretty little face, how do you get yourself to distance your emotions from that person and move on? I've always prided myself on staying emotionally distant from everyone so as to protect my feelings and for the first time in my young adult life feel like I've actually fallen in love. And with that comes the heartache. I'm an idiot and things fell apart between us for the last time... and now I'm trying to figure out how to pick up and move on when everything that I talk about and think about has something to do with him or some link to him. On top of that every few days he still texts me something stupid, almost to make sure I don't forget about him (but I don't know if it's intentional or if he's just sending it to everyone on his phone list).
How long does it take to get over something that you feel is earth shattering like this? What are some of the best methods to drop the person out of your life? Especially when they seem to keep popping in every once in awhile to make sure you don't forget them???
It takes time. Grief over loss directly correlates to how important the loss is to your life. Each person is unique and individual. There's no time frame to getting over someone, it takes as long as it takes.
I don't mean to sound clinical but it really is true. Elizabeth Kubler Ross has done some excellent writing on the stages of grief and loss as it relates to anything you lose in life. I know for a fact that there are some excellent reading material on the subject. I not only did a speech for my forensics class on grief but I've suffered from a few losses of relationships due to breakup and/or death. Talking to others and reading some things really helped me.
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I know what you're going through as I just broke up with my GF not even a week ago. We were going out for a few days under one year.
Since you guys aren't going to be friends anymore you just have to delete everything about him. Delete all his favorites on your computer, his pictures, songs you guys liked, etc. Throw the teddy bear on your bed that he got you 6 months ago at the fair. Get rid of the perfume him bought you. Just basically get rid of the little things that will make you think of him. After you are done with that. Call all your friends you neglected because you were spending all your time with him. Then spend as much time doing things to keep you busy. Some of my favorites are going out and partying with my friends and working out. Good luck. It will get easier.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1quick1
I know what you're going through as I just broke up with my GF not even a week ago. We were going out for a few days under one year.
Since you guys aren't going to be friends anymore you just have to delete everything about him. Delete all his favorites on your computer, his pictures, songs you guys liked, etc. Throw the teddy bear on your bed that he got you 6 months ago at the fair. Get rid of the perfume him bought you. Just basically get rid of the little things that will make you think of him. After you are done with that. Call all your friends you neglected because you were spending all your time with him. Then spend as much time doing things to keep you busy. Some of my favorites are going out and partying with my friends and working out. Good luck. It will get easier.
+1
A couple years ago I broke up with my GF of three years. It's hard to get over, i understand what you're going through. The first instinct is to try and stay friends. THAT IS WRONG. The best thing to do is to forget about them for a while, at least 4 or 5 months. Delete his number from your phone, take him off your buddy list, etc. You have the whole rest of your life to be friends. My ex and I just started talking again a few months ago. We're good friends. Before that I hadnt seen or heard from her in over a year and a half. It hurts, but it really does make things easier. If he tries to stop by, you just need to tell him that you dont want to see him for a while. If he's worth keeping as a friend, he'll understand. If not, then you're better off without him. And if he gets mad and in your face, just remember that he's probably feeling some of the same things you are, so don't take it TOO personally.
Good Luck!!
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Without the Spanish Inquisition coming through or any ass hole comments please. When you've invested any time and emotion into someone and things fall apart in your pretty little face, how do you get yourself to distance your emotions from that person and move on? I've always prided myself on staying emotionally distant from everyone so as to protect my feelings and for the first time in my young adult life feel like I've actually fallen in love. And with that comes the heartache. I'm an idiot and things fell apart between us for the last time... and now I'm trying to figure out how to pick up and move on when everything that I talk about and think about has something to do with him or some link to him. On top of that every few days he still texts me something stupid, almost to make sure I don't forget about him (but I don't know if it's intentional or if he's just sending it to everyone on his phone list).
How long does it take to get over something that you feel is earth shattering like this? What are some of the best methods to drop the person out of your life? Especially when they seem to keep popping in every once in awhile to make sure you don't forget them???
At 20 years old, no relationship should be "earth shattering." You're too young, you have too much ahead of you. You're going to meet many guys, lots will be pricks, some will be gay and just don't know it yet, some will lie to you and some will be two pump chumps.
My point being; it's through these experiences that you will better understand yourself, and your needs. And from that you will have a much better understanding of what you want out of life and a partner.
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All of the advice you've been give is spot on. I have a six month rule with ex's. Try to contact me within six months in any way I'll never talk to you again. Keeps me from getting hung on the past.
Do something new, go somewhere new, ride somewhere new. Stay out of relationships for at least six months to avoid rebounding. Give yourself time to rebuild yourself stronger. Become the person you want to be and focus your efforts to that end. The ex likely won't be the last and you'll be a better person for the next person you might meet. Relationships change you. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. Take the good changes with you and leave the rest.
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Well I texted him this morning and told him to take me off of his phone list. He seems dumbfounded over the entire thing and said he doesn't understand why we broke up in the first place. I never answered. I deleted him from my phone, put the Cd's of concerts we went together to in a box and taped it shut. We only had 1 pic together and thats on my phone so i deleted it (after I emailed it to my friend and told her to hold onto it for me). I never neglected my friends over him, on the contrary we rarely saw each other but talked every day. So it's going to be hard not to have someone there for me when I start back this semester and start my new job this month. I'll get through it.
it will take time,but you WILL get over him. DONT KEEP TALKING to him----itll only prolong the "what if" stage. And dont sleep with him---trust me, as a guy, thats all he wants when he texts you. Good luck, and get back out there on the scene.
You dated for what, like three months? In the course of your life, this will be looked back on as an unimportant romance.
Exactly.
What you need to do is remind yourself why you got out of that relationship. All you have to do is stay realistic. Disassociate the good feelings and memories with the guy. After all, it's not like you're never going to feel happy again or anything.
The best way to get back into shape is to do something productive and fun. Your mind will be on something else and you'll move forward in your life. Take rock climbing or something. Do something that'll make you feel alive and forget about the guy.
Everyone on this post has given great advice! Don't talk to him. Instead, hang out with your friends! If they're not available, go out and make some new friends or take up a new hobby (like meeting new people). It may seem earth shattering right now, but down the road you'll find that life is great. Trust me, I was married for almost ten years when my marriage ended. I lost all but one of my friends to him and that's what I did. I made some fabulous new friends and and had a blast doing all the things I missed out on when I was married. You're MUCH younger than I was ... you'll be fine!!
I won't necessarily agree with the "cut all ties" rule, but you do need to take a break. Case in point, my ex-girlfriend of 6 years and I remain great friends to this day. Our breakup was a little different from yours (I moved 14 hours away for a job and wasn't ready to get married), so while it was hard, it wasn't a breakup for something stupid or dishonest. We both started dating other people a few months later, and lost touch for a bit. When her boyfriend went over to Iraq, she would call me just so she would have someone to talk to. When he started running around on her when he got back, I talked her through that one as well. Hell, we probably talk more on the phone now than when we were dating. Anyways, as much as we talk, I still keep my distance (even though she's asked me to come visit), at least for now. I know I still care for her and would probably make a move if we were alone...so to stay friends I've had to suppress the sexual urge and the occasional bouts of jealousy, talk to her when she wants to talk, then go work out the pent up frustration in the weightroom.
Certain parts of life stink, but you learn to suck it up and drive on. Hey, at least you live in Milwaukee! Try living in Janesville and trying to find a professional woman (late 20s) to date who doesn't have kids, isn't running around on her husband, wants a career, takes care of herself physically, and isn't looking to get hitched in 6 months. Seriously, go out with some friends and enjoy yourself. You're far too young to get hung up on a three-month stint.
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the reason...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moses
I guess you forgot about all of your friends in the WI forum. You should have come over to CJ's for the NYE party and hung out with us.
I haven't really talked to anyone from there for awhile, I'll peek by sometime and see what's all new. New Year's Eve I met up with some friends, went to a party then went to a bar (didn't drink at all surprisingly) and then went home because I was still sick with the flu.
We broke up over the weekend, basically I'd had enough of his shit. He made me feel like I was to blame for everything bad that happened between us because I had falled head over heels for him and trusted him. He used it to his advantage. Then Friday he was supposed to be someplace (meeting my parents for the first time), bagged out on me because he all of a sudden didn't feel like going. I wouldn't have even wanted him there except for the fact that HE pushed the idea on me, then backed out that last day. He wouldn't answer the phone for me that night and then had our "mutual friend" Katie call me and yell at me about shit, so I blew up said some shit and said "tell him I hope he enjoys his hand." About an hour later he called me and was asking me wtf my problem was and I told him to go to hell and hung up. This was followed by about 3 shots of liquid cocaine and a shot of jagermeister and 4 more beers... New Year's Eve, we originally had plans but I just completely ignored them, went out with my friends and then stupidly answered the phone all 7 times he called wondering where I was. Each time I basically told him that he shouldn't care because it's not like he cared and hung up.
I was a fool, my friends and I sat down tonight and depicted every little irritating thing about him, burned his tshirt in Jennie's fire place and they let me cry. I'm fine and going to get over it... soon hopefully. I just wish I wouldn't have allowed him to get to me in this way. I know it doesn't seem like we were together that long, 5 months, but I've known him for 7 months and really felt a connection with him. It was very different with him and I'll cherish that, but also never let my guard down again. And yes for me, to let someone get close to me in that short of an amount of time is very earth shaking, and for them to treat me the way he has for the past 2 months was the final break. I am still in love with him, which is why it hurts. I just wish I could take back the last 7 months and just be friends, never have crossed those lines.
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