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At last a guy has taken the
time to write this all down.
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear"the rules"
from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...
these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports.
It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become
null and void after7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the
Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don 't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example,
is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't
want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as
baseball, the shotgun formation,
or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape.
Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know,
I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh
Funny Stuff!! I've never seen it before.. here is another for you....I don't know if it is a repost either but, if it is, These words (as was the original post) are worth repeating.
Just a few pointers that I picked up from a friend of mine..... (I really don't recommend following them)
Dear Fellow Husbands:
Please be aware that as your wives age, it is
harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as
when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them.
Some are oversensitive, and there is nothing worse than an
oversensitive woman.
My name is, John. Let me relate how I handled
the situation with my wife, Martha. When I was laid off from my
consulting job and took early retirement in April, it became necessary for
Martha to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health
insurance benefits we needed.
Shortly after she started working, I noticed
she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf
course about the same time she gets home from work, and although she knows
how hungry I am, she rests an hour or so before she starts dinner. I
don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just
wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in
the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable. I'm
ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we
finished eating. But now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for
several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding
her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I
know she appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them
done before she goes to bed.
I really think my old business as a consultant
helps a lot. Telling people what they ought to do is one of my
strong points. Also, now that she has gotten older, she does
seem to get tired so much more quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the
basement, and sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down
those steps. I don't make a big issue of this, just as long as she
finishes up the laundry the next evening. I'm willing to overlook her shortcomings in
this area. Unless I need something ironed to wear to the
Monday lodge meeting, or to the Wednesday and Saturday poker club, or
to Tuesday's and Thursday's bowling, I'll tell her to wait until the next
evening to do the ironing. This gives her a little more time to do some
of those odds and ends like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting. If I
had a really bad day on the course and it was wet and muddy, and my
clubs are a mess, I let her clean them, you know, getting the grit off the
grips and a little light Brillo on the club faces. Since my golf bag is
heavy, I lift it out of the trunk for her. Women are delicate, have weak wrists and can't
lift heavy stuff as good as men. But I had to tell her that I don't
like to be wakened during my after-golf nap, so rather than bother me, she
can put them back in the trunk when she's finished.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I
think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time
to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But boys, we take 'em
for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her
to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't
have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch
completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like
to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she
needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half
finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I
tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of fresh squeezed
lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself,
she may as well make one for me too, then take her break by my hammock.
That way we can talk until I fall asleep. I know that I probably
look like a saint in the way I support Martha, but I'm not saying that
showing this much consideration is easy.
Many men will find it difficult. Some will
find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do, how frustrating
women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little
more tact and less criticism Of your aging wife because of this
letter, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help
each other.
Regards, John
__________________ jim schmidtIf you didn't spank her hard during first date sex, you've already lost the battle, you wuss and pussy! ChaunceyAs we speak, speedy is in class right now learning about anatomy. He had a few questions regarding these things called "testicles" and something called a "spine".
Proud Member of The Cock Crew (Unofficial Fan Club of 'The Pussy Posse') Preventing 'Gay Friends' ...one pecker at a time. asci_blue Now if you want mean I'll do mean. Men are really evolved women. Since the default gender is female men have to be better. ;)
Men's rules. Women please read!
...one pecker at a time.
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