[dparadis]

OK! Here it goes..

I have been separated for over 18 months. Have two young kids (5 and 8). Since my separation, I have been extremely weary of introducing a new woman to my kids. I have met a few but never the right so the kids never knew.

Three months ago, I met this girl whom I am really starting to like and am developping strong feelings for. She has been separated for over three years, has a 9 year old girl, has had other men in her life after that and one very bad experience (i.e broken hart).

Like me, she has a calm disposition, is well grounded and enjoyable to be around.

She was the first to suggest an activity with our three kids which to me suggested a huge step forward, if not a kind of commitment. We have repeated the activity a few times, enough that my 5 year old is really starting lo like her. In fact, what we have is three nice kids who get slong well and who also relate well with the two adults.

We have been intimate along the way and the chemistry was definitely there.

BUT...

I have noticed a kind of melancholy about her, a trait that vanishes whenever she smiles, at which point, she truly lights up a room. She is into music, the same kind as me, and frankly, I have rarely met a woman who likes music and who will of her own volition, listen to Aerosmith while driving to work (even though that's my problem, it's make her so much more attrative to me). She also enjoys Lounge type music like I do.

What is bugging me is despite the fact that she sometimes calls to plan activities, she is never the one to intiate a kiss, a hug or an embrace. She is kind of reluctant on that front.

I finally mentioned that to her over the phone this last Sunday night. I told her that I felt ill at ease since I sensed a hesitancy about her manners.

That's when she told me she had met someone over the summer. A married man with a family and they both really connected well. They had an affair for a few weeks and ended it. Not long before I met her, he called her to inform her he was leaving his wife. This gave her hope. A week later, he informed her that he could not face the separation with his wife and he had decided to give his marriage a second try. He was gonna try and save his marriage. I came in after that.

So that's what she told me. Basically telling me that she still had this man "under her skin". She was quite open about it to me and I welcomed and thanked her for her honesty. We, as usual, talked for over an hour, time flew and we had difficulty ending the conversation. It is always like that when I am with her. Even on days when she works, she will leave my home quite late, prefering it seems to be with me, than going home. She told me that she enjoys being with me, enjoys my company and I feel the same way about her, if not more.

Not all our encounters are sexual. We had a particularly nice afternoon, just watching a movie in front of the fireplace, cuddled up under a blanket. One of those just being well together moment.

So anyways... We left it at that, saying that we would both give it some thought and revert to see what the next course of action will be. That's where we are now; in the thinking-it-out period.

On my side, I wouldn't mind continuing the relationship on a somewhat more friendly , less relationship oriented manner and seeing what develops from there. I really like her and don't have any problems whatsoever thinking of her as my next mate, thinking of a vacation with her and the kids, etc.. You know, the usual scenarios and "would-I-do-this-and-that-with-her?" questions. They all come back with resounding YESSES!

As for her, I'm thinking the option is for her to remain alone, awaiting the possibility that this man's attempt to save his marriage fails. He is probably 3 to 6 months away from knowing if his marriage saving attemps will be succesful or not, following which another 6 to 12 months to clean up his new life to be ready for a new relationship.

In the meantime, there is a distinct possibility that she could develop stronger feelings! Right? ... RIGHT!?!

And I have known this feeling of being hopelessly in love with another person. I know that it does go away. That you do forget (kind of).

All I know for now is that a continuation with her will preclude the inclusion of my kids. I will go at it alone.

***
So my question is:

How do I play it?

Should I be independant and not call her back.. Let her worry about the fact that she might be losing me and force something from her.

Should I tell her what i just told you; that I am willing to continue as "friends" and risk coming across as a wuss? (BTW I am a wuss. Playing independant will be difficult as I might just be in love...

So there you go.

I like the anonymity here but mostly, I know I might just get some very good advice.

Thank you for reading through!!!